IN ORDER OF MERIT: BAYER UERDINGEN, KILMARNOCK, DUNDEE UNITED, REAL MADRID, BARCELONA (POINTS DEDUCTED FOR DIVING), ARSENAL
Of course, the most important thing to note about this Barcelona comeback against Paris Saint-Germain is how it’s consolidated The Fiver’s status as Match Predictor Extraordinaire. Yes, yes, admittedly we called the result as 3-0 to Barça. But you see that comes off the back of our sensational 5-1 Bayern Munich prediction. So over the last 48 hours, our success rate stands at an impressively high 50%, a marked improvement on the previous figure of zero, taken from a now-discredited data set covering the period between 1998 and 4.59pm on Tuesday. Hey, cut The Fiver a little slack on this one, will you, we ain’t got nuttin’ else goin’ on.
The Fiver isn’t correct about absolutely everything, though, and it’s fair to say in the wake of Wednesday night’s spirited revival that Barcelona are in fact not, as we suggested, the new manifestation of Arsenal 2010-16. No useless near misses for them! Instead, they dug in, turned things around, and completed an actual comeback with tangible benefits and everything. In that sense, then, they’re more like the new Bayer Uerdingen, who from 5-1 down rattled off six goals in the final 32 minutes of a 1986 Cup Winners’ Cup tie against Dynamo Dresden. Or perhaps the new Kilmarnock, who in 1964 were four adrift of Eintracht Frankfurt with 77 minutes remaining in the Fairs Cup before launching a thrilling five-goal recovery. So well done to Barça for joining this elite club! (Killie of course can also claim to have avoided defeat to Dundee United in competitive football, but we digress.)
If our maths is correct, that suggests Barça’s comeback from four goals down with 90 minutes to play is – just like everyone’s saying on the internet – almost certainly the third best in European history. Third equal, that is, alongside Partizan Belgrade’s four-goal chasing down of QPR in the 1984-85 Euro Vase, Leixões overtaking La Chaux-de-Fonds in similar style in the 1961-62 Cup Winners’ Cup, and, oh look, who’s this, Real Madrid, who overturned a four-goal deficit against Borussia Mönchengladbach in the 1985-86 Euro Vase. Of course, if you’re deducting moral marks for egregious dives in the penalty box, that would knock Barça’s effort down to sixth in the list, below Madrid. But The Fiver doesn’t want to do that, you’d think we were just trying to start an argument for the sake of it.
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Join Scott Murray from 6pm GMT for hot MBM coverage of … deep breath … Rostov 1-1 Manchester United.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“Each generation gets the commentator it deserves. There’s more talk than there used to be. My feeling is that with radio and television, people go from one to the other quite a lot. Having done a little bit of radio commentary, it is very difficult. You’re trying to paint word pictures, whereas on television you’re trying to add to the picture you already have and hope you say the right thing. My foot and my mouth have stayed apart often enough, but there’s always a danger that you’ll open your mouth and put your foot in it” – the ever insightful Barry Davies gets his chat on with Gwilym Mumford.
FIVER LETTERS
“Slough Town goalkeeper Mark Scott has undergone surgery after breaking his neck during a game last Saturday. The club is raising funds for him. Could you pop this into Thursday’s column?” – JJ Zucal.
“Re: yesterday’s Fiver. Surely there is something wrong in Luis Enrique’s thinking (but clearly not his tactics) that an ‘infinite amount of things’ can happen within a specific amount of time (‘95 minutes’)?” – Jason Steger.
“In yesterday’s Fiver you predicted that Barcelona would win 3-0. You then went on to predict that your prediction was wrong. The law of chronology (working title Chron’s Law) clearly states that a prediction overrides and or nullifies all previous predictions made about a subject, so your prediction about your prediction was true. This means The Fiver was actually correct for two days in a row. Well done” – Tatenda Chakaduka.
“I was shocked to read yesterday’s Fiver comparing Stade (now of course F91) Dudelange with Arsenal and referring to them as Big Cup whipping boys. Have you forgotten their 4-0 aggregate victory over Andorran giants FC Santa Coloma in 2011, or their annihilation of the mighty Tre Penne of San Marino the following year? As a lifelong Gooner, I think the Luxembourgers deserve a little more respect” – Scott Elliott.
• Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Jason Steger.
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BITS AND BOBS
Amid ongoing chatter about his future, Arsène Wenger has addressed the views of entitled Arsenal supporters. “It will not be the most important [factor] but I will consider it of course,” he sighed. “I [have] worked very hard for 20 years to make the fans happy.” Meanwhile, the club have broken their silence on the current state of things. “Arsène has a contract until the end of the season,” whooped Sir Chips Keswick. “Any decisions will be made by us mutually and communicated at the right time in the right way.”
Xabi Alonso has already signed off from the game. “Lived it. Loved it. Farewell beautiful game,” he tooted.
LA Galaxy want to make Zlatan Ibrahimovic the highest paid player in Major League Soccerball history.
Donald Trump’s travel ban could stop USA! USA!! USA!!! making the 2026 World Cup great again, according to Fifa big cheese Gianni Infantino. “When it comes to Fifa competitions, any team, including the supporters and officials of that team, who qualify for a World Cup need to have access to the country, otherwise there is no World Cup. That is obvious,” he parped.
Al-Gharafa have given Pedro Caixinha permission to take over as the Pope’s Newc O’Rangers manager.
Brendan Rodgers wants some damn respect for the Queen’s Celtic’s 7-0 thrashing by Barcelona earlier this season. “If they can score six against PSG, then it maybe was not as embarrassing as some of you guys said back then,” he grinned. “They can do that, they did it to us and you see them doing it to one of the richest teams in the world.”
And Football League basement-dwellers Newport County have put the big size twelves up Graham Westley’s derrière.
STILL WANT MORE?
More on that night in Barcelona: Sid Lowe on Neymar; Eric Devin on the state of Unai Emery; and t’interweb reacts.
“I put everything I had into my shot. And the scream came: Goooallll. No, not a goal. An endless orgasm. It was unforgettable.” Sócrates, in an exclusive extract from Andrew Downie’s new book.
How Harry Kane’s loan saved Millwall from relegation and made him a man. By David Hytner.
Goals direct from kick-off, officious officials and Big Cup maulings: they’re all in this week’s Classic YouTube.
Imagine the effects of letting Diego Simeone loose in Arsenal’s dressing room, imagines Barney Ronay.
Louise Taylor looks at what England gained from their SheBelieves Cup campaign.
A topical trip into the archives … The Joy of Six: great comebacks.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
