FROM ROMANIA WITH LOVE
Supporting a football team is an inherently childish business – perhaps because, once upon a time, it was something that children were permitted to do. Since then, it has been requisitioned as a corporate … er … tool and Soccer AM status symbol, such that getting and paying for tickets no longer requires a paper round or a babysitting job, but forward planning and wealthy benefactors. But the same spirit pervades: grown adults, in their tens of thousands, boasting about clapping loudest, singing longest, and being ripped off in the greatest numbers, the most frequently. A heady mix; how not to love the human race?
This last “insult”, usually formulated to include the words “empty seats”, is most frequently thrown at Manchester City; one can only imagine their pain and distress as they celebrate a club which 16 years ago played in the third tier of English football, and has won two league titles in the last five years. And on Tuesday night they played Steaua Bucharest in a Big Cup qualifier, returning 2,500 of the 3,000 tickets allocated to them. Of course, the inability of working people to find the cash to schlep to Romania in the middle of summer holidays was greeted with predictable mirth, all the more so given the unacceptable expense of attending home games, the barely acceptable expense of attending away games, the expectation of more important trips abroad and current economic flux.
During the game, inhabitants of social media disgrace Twitter passed the time watching an account posing as an official one insulting City and preying on those compelled by opportunity for apoplexy – this was football, after all. In fairness, City are perhaps more reliant than is ideal on oil money, but the fact remains, they are pretty good at playing football, and if planet earth understands one thing, it is that nothing is more important than being pretty good at football. Naturally, a terrible revenge was wrought – and amazingly, it had nothing whatsoever to do with the 5-0 pasting handed out on the pitch, because it had already happened. Earlier in the evening, Steaua fans had revealed a tifo in what was, let’s face it, the highest-profile game their club is likely to play this season; coloured paper, coloured words, eee, it were loovleh.
Except it weren’t all that loovleh, for them at least, because in an inspired stroke of complete and utter genius, Steaua’s local rivals, Dinamo, hijacked the project such that the aforementioned coloured words read “DOAR DINAMO BUCURESTI” – for any non-Romanian speakers among us, that means “only Dinamo Bucharest”. Tempting as it is to chastise a lot of trouble for a disappointingly tame slogan, The Fiver can only praise this redemption of b*nter from the jaws of b*ntz, redefining it from insult to compliment and relocating it from irony to reality. Of course, it was still an act of outstanding childishness – and quite right, too.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“I’ve not managed to run into him yet. I know the places he goes and the places I go probably differ with the tan and the teeth and that kind of thing. They’re not the kind of establishments I rock up at. I’m not having a mid-life crisis” – Pope’s Newc O’Rangers midfielder Joey Barton expounds on Queen’s Celtic boss Brendan Rodgers. Barton, who, well, who has quite the track record, also labelled the club’s treatment of Joe Hart as “disgusting”.
FIVER LETTERS
“Re: Kevin De Bruyne saying: ‘I don’t really play as a No10, more as a free eight’ (yesterday’s Fiver). A free eight? When will this madness stop? Yaya Touré as an invisible six. Oh, right” – David Sutherland.
“As Neil Tasker (yesterday’s Fiver letters) ought to have known if he had paid attention during his dog-Latin classes at school, ‘Nil Satis Nisi Optimum’ means: ‘No goals scored (Nil) is OK (Satis) so long as your divorce settlement (Nisi) is as good as you can get (Optimum).’ Please note, however, that continued scoring away from home is probably going to make the Nisi even more likely. But that’s football for you, isn’t it?” – Phil Williams.
• Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … David Sutherland.
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BITS AND BOBS
Liverpool’s Sadio Mané is in hospital after knacking his shoulder in training.
Riyad Mahrez says he’s happy at Leicester, albeit with a handy caveat. “Now, there are two or three clubs in the world, that if they come for me, it definitely makes you think, if you understand what I am trying to say,” he come-and-get-me-plead.
The Pope’s Newc O’Rangers are set to sign Preston’s Joe Garner and pocket-dialling’s Joleon Lescott. “Joe stressed all along that he wanted to pursue the option of going,” sniffed North End boss Simon Grayson. “It’s disappointing but it’s Joe’s decision.”
Jordi Gómez is a Wigan player once again. “There have been rumours about this one all summer and we have had to work really hard to get him here within our budget,” cheered manager Gary Caldwell.
Sheffield United have made a very Sheffield United start to League One this season, and Chris Wilder has the funk on. “This is when you find out about the character of people,” he fumed. “Absolutely 100%. We’ve sat in the changing room and we’re not pulling any punches. They’ve let themselves down. The goals we conceded were ridiculous. The opposition have been given the goals and there’s no hiding place.”
And Luton Town’s Cameron McGeehan has had a fair old pop at Newport County after the Hatters’ last-gasp 2-1 League Two win on Tuesday. “Obviously they’re angry. I think they cheat, in terms of how they play; they elbow you off the ball, stamp on your foot, they’re big, nasty and they’re cheats themselves,” he parped.
STILL WANT MORE?
What is it about the West Midlands air that is attracting Chinese megabucks? Paul MacInnes looks at what’s behind the takeovers at Aston Villa, West Brom and Wolves. Who’s next, Stourport Swifts?
This week’s Knowledge looks at teams narrowing their pitches to confound tricky wingers, players who’ve done next to nothing having their shirt numbers retired in their honour, and nickname regulations.
Diego Forlán’s still got it at 37, giving hope to veterans everywhere, explains Euan McTear.
A year ago, Rafa Benítez probably didn’t imagine he’d be rehashing his “it’s a marathon not a sprint” talk after a home defeat to Huddersfield. But he is, and he’s not panicking at Newcastle’s below-par start to their Championship campaign, writes Louise Taylor.
José Mourinho has posed as a friend of da yoof since taking over at Manchester United, insisting the notion that he doesn’t bring on players from within his clubs’ youth ranks are unfair. Are they? Jamie Jackson assesses the prospects of the current young crop.
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