TV star Amanda Byram has revealed she plunged into the depths of depression after calling off her wedding to Craig McMullen in 2011.
The presenter told how she felt under pressure to settle down and have “the perfect life.”
She said: “I was 38, and had recently become engaged to a lovely man. Before we met, I was constantly worried that I would be left alone, 'on the shelf' with an army of cats by my side.
“This anxiety had sprung up because society had me believe that the image of 'normality' and 'tradition' is that of fairy tales that end in 'happily ever after', not a future filled with cats and shelves."
While she initially felt relief at calling off her nuptials, Amanda was “not prepared for what came next.”
In an extract from her new book The Switch, published in The Sunday Independent, the Dublin native revealed that her mental health was seriously affected.
“The flood of emotions that followed were eventually diagnosed as depression, and not because I had cancelled the wedding, because that was the bravest and best decision I had ever made in my life," she said.
“No, the depression came because I began to feel like a failure, incapable of achieving society's fairy tale. I began to wonder if my chance at a perfect future had disappeared in a perfect puff of smoke."
Amanda added: “My feelings of anxiety and depression were born out of my incessant need to be 100pc at all times.
“I kept repeating the term 'should': 'I should have known better'; 'I should have been more diligent'; 'I should have handled things differently'; 'I should be married by now'.
“But who is telling us we 'should' be anything? We get to decide for ourselves.
“The point is that my idea of what 'should' have been had been shoved down my neck since I was a little girl and it was time to break free from the 'shoulda, woulda, coulda' cycle.”
Amanda revealed she eventually “found peace in being alone” and went on to find new love with now husband Julian Okines.
