Last year, I was contacted by an ex-boyfriend who I knew 37 years ago. We chatted, arranged to meet and embarked on an affair. We meet up at least once a month and spend the night together having fun and sex. But I always feel used. I love him and he says he always loved me, but he also loves his wife. At the start of the affair he told me he was having problems in his marriage and that his wife had had an operation and couldn’t have sex. I do feel it is wrong to cheat on his wife and I have tried to end the relationship twice already. He has said that if things were different, and if ever circumstances changed, he would be with me. Am I stupid? I love him but feel I am being cheated out of a full commitment to a relationship.
• When leaving a message on this page, please be sensitive to the fact that you are responding to a real person in the grip of a real-life dilemma, who wrote to Private Lives asking for help, and may well view your comments here. Please consider especially how your words or the tone of your message could be perceived by someone in this situation, and be aware that comments that appear to be disruptive or disrespectful to the individual concerned will be removed.
• If you would like fellow readers to respond to a dilemma of yours, send us an outline of the situation of about 150 words. For advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns.
• All correspondence should reach us by Wednesday morning. Email: private.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t send attachments).
