Stacey and Chris are getting married, in a beautiful 14th-century Somerset manor house. First, though, they are going to spend a few days without each other, but with the other’s parents. Because this is Alone with the In-Laws (BBC2) and that is how it goes.
“If you can find out how that marriage works, perhaps it will reveal something about how your marriage will function in the years ahead,” says Reverend Kate Bottley, from Gogglebox, who is in this too, for spiritual guidance. I’m a bit suspect of that central premise. I think it might have been a case of: in-laws are interesting, let’s come up with a TV format that gets in a bit of that.
Obviously, your parents have quite a lot to do with who you are, but do your relationships really reflect theirs? Thinking about my relationship, I wouldn’t have gone anywhere near it if I thought we would end up like her parents, or mine, and I’m sure she feels the same. Come to think of it, though, a few little things have started to creep in – the routines, the defined gender roles, nothing to talk about any more … But this isn’t about us, it’s about Stacey and Chris. And, minor misgivings about the exercise aside, it certainly works as television. Sixty minutes of OM effing G.
S&C seem to be very different people, feel differently towards each other, and about their forthcoming marriage. For him, it is relatively straightforward. He has always loved her, she lights up the room, they will be together for ever, he will make the money, she will make the bed and the babies, like his parents (maybe there is something in this, after all).
Stacey, though, talks about the sacrifices she’s making; she worries about compromises, losing her identity and individuality, says she feels trapped and that Chris’s love of routine drives her insane … Bloody hell, Stacey, are you sure you’re doing the right thing here?
I’m not much reassured when she visit Chris’s parents, who have been happily married for 35 years. James leaves the house at 6.50 every morning, off to work as a financial terms and conditions supervisor; Julie stays at home and irons the sheets. On the way home from work, when James gets to the bypass, he texts BP (for bypass) so that his dinner can be on the table when he walks through the door. They’re not keen to talk about anything too personal. Or anything much.
“What else has being going on James,” Stacey asks.
“Nothing,” he says.
“Well, we’ll just sit here in silence, shall we?”
“I think he’s just tired,” says Julie.
To be fair, James does open up, a crack, later. Even says he understands why Stacey might not want to change her name (Julie’s not happy about that). But still, is that what a happy marriage looks like? It looks more like death to me.
Stacey’s parents are divorced. First, Chris visits Stacey’s dad, Dave, and second wife Nicky, who seem pretty good together – communicative, equal, nice, a good advertisement for second marriages, and plenty of lessons there. With Stacey’s mum, Angela, it doesn’t go so well. She is clearly not convinced Chris is the right one for her daughter. “I think it could get quite dull for her, and that worries me,” she says.
Where is this heading? I think it might all be off, before it has even started … No, quite wrong. Reverend Kate brings them back together, a denouement at a country house hotel. And they’re both really positive about the experience. It’s been useful, they’ve learned loads, it’s all going ahead. Stacey and Chris will probably be happily married in 35 years’ time.
And I think I need to book in, with the in-laws. Does it really need to be four days?
