It’s a familiar scene, replicated in living rooms across the country every night: a couple, a family, or a group of housemates draped over the sofa, each looking at a different screen. One might be checking work emails, another playing a video game, watching YouTube or scrolling through Instagram – but nobody is talking.
If you relate to this scenario, you’re not alone. According to a recent YouGov survey of 3,051 British parents commissioned for ITV’s new mental wellbeing campaign, Britain Get Talking, a quarter of parents of teens agree they are often in the same room as their children, but not talking.
Researchers call it “alone together time” – when we’re all occupying the same physical space but not necessarily the same mental one. “We never talk any more” is a common complaint, and there’s no doubt that the way we interact with each other has changed in many ways over the past decade, but could it have a harmful effect on our mental health?
The number of people struggling with mental health issues is on the rise. One in four adults experience mental illness each year, while the prevalence of children aged five to 15 experiencing emotional disorders (including anxiety and depression) has gone up by 48% since 2004. Charity YoungMinds says approximately three children in every classroom could have a mental health disorder.
While there are many contributing factors to this rise, experts believe increasing our day-to-day interactions with loved ones can help. “Spending quality time with the people around you is so important,” says Stephen Buckley from the charity Mind. “Taking the time to have a conversation about something that interests you both, or checking how you’re doing is essential for your wellbeing.”
Research bears this out, especially with children. A recent NHS study found that family and friends were the most common source of informal support for children coping with mental illness (44.6%), and a significant majority (84%) described this as helpful.
The power of talking is clear to Michael Player, psychologist and co-author of StressLess. “When we don’t share our problems those thoughts go round and round in our heads,” he says. “We expand them and catastrophise them. But talking to someone forces you to put these thoughts into coherent sentences, which uses the rational part of your brain. That’s why we often feel so much better afterwards, because the rational brain helps you get things back in proportion. It’s often not about what the other person says – all they have to do is listen to you talk.”
In light of this, ITV and STV have linked up with both Mind, YoungMinds and SAMH to create Britain Get Talking, designed to encourage us to communicate face-to-face with those closest to us, or pick up the phone to get in touch with them. Proving how seriously it’s taking the project, the network launched the campaign during the Saturday 5 October episode of Britain’s Got Talent, with Ant and Dec halting proceedings for a short time to encourage viewers at home to start their own conversations and really connect with those around them.
According to ITV’s research, this prime time prompt was much needed. Although 85% of parents polled agreed that having a proper chat with their children can improve mental health, one in 10 said they spend less than 15 minutes a day having a meaningful chat with their teens.
For time-poor parents, the good news is, according to Player, you don’t have to go deep to make a difference – those everyday, casual “did you catch last night’s Corrie?” type chats can have a real, positive impact. “Talking about something trivial can keep the lines of communication open. It’s really about creating a safe space, making that person feel comfortable enough to take the conversation wherever they want it to go. Once they get to that place, they might feel able to open up about what’s really bothering them.”
ITV weather presenter Alex Beresford adopts a similar tactic with his nine-year-old son Cruz. “When I was growing up, my parents had an open-door policy – we knew we could come to them with any problem, and I’m trying to create that same environment for Cruz,” he says. “But things have changed so much – kids these days have so much tech and so many distractions that it can leave them feeling quite isolated, spending all day in their rooms on their computers.”
But isolation is not just something that is experienced, well, in isolation. “Just because you’re surrounded by people it doesn’t mean you can’t be lonely,” says Buckley. “It’s not helpful to demonise social media, as people often find support and validation there, but the pressure from social media to show your best side and look like you’re living an amazing life can be incredibly isolating.”
The people around us can serve as our early warning system when something is wrong, according to Mind. “Our friends and family are often the best-placed to spot any signs that we might be struggling,” says Buckley. Conscious of this, Beresford and his partner, Natalia Natkaniec, found that introducing screen-free Sundays made more room for family time and helped to open the lines of communication.
“Spending time together helps to keep the atmosphere open and relaxed,” says Beresford. “We also make a point of asking Cruz how his day went, and if something’s bothering him, nine times out of 10 he’ll tell us then. I’d hate to think of him going through something and feeling like he couldn’t approach me with a problem, and if you don’t ask, they don’t tell!”
We live in a time when mental health issues are on the rise, and when, according to Mind, only a third of people who need professional help are getting it. Of course, simply talking to someone isn’t a miracle cure, but it can offer a brief release – and maybe a much-needed opportunity to offload – that gives a lot more weight to that casual chat about the weather.
Britain Get Talking
To find out more about ITV’s Britain Get Talking campaign, run in collaboration with mental health charities Mind, YoungMinds and SAMH, visit itv.com/britaingettalking or stv.tv/britaingettalking. And for more expert advice on communication and connection at every age, visit theguardian.com/britain-get-talking
