It’s “the biggest match of the Euros so far”, said Mark Pougatch. “A fixture that’s defined generations” added Gabriel Clarke.
My Virgin Media programme guide told me I was about to watch Croatia vs Spain, and with Luka Modric lining up against the three-time winners you could understand them hyping it up.
All of which made it somewhat confusing when ITV showed an interview with Phil Foden.
Irony enthusiast Clarke claimed the Germans were “clinging to the past for inspiration”. Still on England v Germany, Pougatch admitted “We might go on about it”, which is akin to George Galloway saying he might be George Galloway’s biggest fan.
Pougatch was joined by Graeme Souness (gravitas, clarity), Ian Wright (charisma, likeability) and Ashley Cole (Arsenal, Chelsea).
Co-commentator Emma Hayes demonstrated the enthusiasm, insight and tactical awareness that have made her this tournament’s breakout star.
Hayes displayed humanity in response to Spain’s own goal, empathising with Unai Simon and praising his teammates for consoling him. Personally I’d have gone with “Haha, no way. Get that replay fired up lol’, but I respect her artistic choice.
During France v Switzerland, Clive Tyldesley remarked: “France still have some gears to go through. They need to get their foot down on the clutch and start accelerating”. Never accept a lift from Clive Tyldesley.
Minutes later, he said: “We have an intruder, who we don’t want to introduce to you”, prompting fears that Lee Dixon had found his way into the commentary box.
As the second half began, Tyldesley told viewers: “This is where some of you may be leaving us for the return of Love Island on ITV4. Please don’t. Swipe right for Ally McCoist ”.
I can guarantee nothing happened on Love Island that can match the 210-second period when Switzerland’s Ricardo Rodriguez had his penalty saved, France went up the pitch and scored, the camera panned to Rodriguez’s face and McCoist exclaimed: “How do you FEEL son?”.
Not to mention nothing as x-rated as the ‘AWWWWWW’s and ‘OHHHHHH’s with which McCoist greeted five second-half goals.
You’ve GOT to say, he’s my type on paper Clive.
