DIER STRAITS
In the run-up to Liverpool’s win over Tottenham on Saturday, Sky Sports broadcast some pre-match filler they’d recorded earlier in the week, in which Christian Eriksen and Ben Davies beat Harry Kane and Eric Dier in a round at their training ground’s putting green. While it was all just a bit of fun, Dier was clearly embarrassed to lip out while standing over a tiddler and his performance in the subsequent football match suggested that the golf course isn’t the only sporting arena in which he appears to have developed the yips. Of course it would be unfair to single out Dier, when so many of his team-mates played so poorly, putting in a collective performance that suggested the little trophy handed to Eriksen and Davies will be the only one presented to anyone in a Tottenham shirt this season.
As Tottenham’s chief source of goals, Harry Kane once again looked off the pace, moving with all the urgency of a dog that knows it’s being taken to the vet. A striker so good he managed to win the World Cup Golden Boot while playing some of the worst football of his career, Harry’s mojo seems to have temporarily deserted him with fatigue being cited as the potential cause. While his own insistence that he is feeling “sharp and fit” has rung increasingly hollow with each passing game since he rushed back from knack in April, his chances of getting a break seem remote if his manager’s comments are anything to go by. Asked if Kane would start against Inter in Big Cup on Tuesday, Pochettino said it would be “crazy” to rest him. “I don’t know what you would expect from me, or what you think my answer should be,” parped Poch. “He’s one of the best strikers in the world. I don’t care that he wasn’t great. He’s going to score goals and he’s going to perform in the way we want and we expect.” As shows of faith in Fernando Llorente go, endorsements don’t ring much more quietly.
In stark contrast before their Big Cup date against serial bottlers Paris Saint-Germain, Liverpool are suffering from the kind of toothlessness in which their three frontmen are trying to show whose fangs are the deadliest. As chance after chance was squandered in a match where they could conceivably have scored six, Jürgen Klopp was reduced to ranting and raving on the touchline at the selfishness of Sadio Mané and Mo Salah. Strong in every single department and with plenty of reinforcements if required on the bench, his complaints called to mind that sarcastic comment of Chandler in Friends about the beleaguered Ross’s wallet being too small for his fifties, not to mention his diamond shoes being way too tight.
LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE
Yes! It’s red-hot MBM coverage of Southampton 0-0 Brighton, with Jacob Steinberg from 8pm BST.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“The plan is based on what fans felt was missing. Fans wanted more pre-game entertainment, more in-game entertainment and more at half-time. Football globally has about 30 minutes when the ball is stopped or out of play. Some of those gaps can be filled” – flamin’ A-League grand-galah Greg O’Rourke ponders plans to play music, videos and set off fireworks during corners, goal-kicks and substitutions.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
Spurs, spitting, corner umbrellas and whether babies should eat ham. Football Weekly!
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FIVER LETTERS
“Re: The Fiver’s description of the ‘interestingly-odoured members of the media’ (Friday’s Fiver). ‘Interestingly’ is one of those words that suggests something, but not too much. What makes the odour interesting? Is it heavily-perfumed? Is it fresh and fragrant? Is it an earthy, musky scent? Or am I to guess that we’re going in an even less savoury direction. Say what you mean, Fiver” – Mike Wilner.
“This coming weekend I have a pot-luck dinner with a few mates, and the theme is football puns, so we all have to bring a football-related dish. Obviously this has led to endless fun involving a few oldies (Diego Mara-doner, Franck LeBoeuf, etc), but I was wondering if the hive mind of The Fiver had any particularly ideas? We are allocated dessert and are currently planning to make a triple chocolate Moussa Dembélé – unless anyone has a much better alternative?” – Tom Murray-Rust [Panna Cottee? Butterscotch Brett Angell Delight? Paul Lemon meringue cake? Brian Mc-eclair? Frankie Chelsea Bunn? Craig Short-bread? Kingsley Black Forest gateau? Mark Battenberg? POJT’s Chocolate Orange – Fiver Ed].
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Tom Murray-Rust.
BITS AND BOBS
Like a few of his dribbles down the wing, Raheem Sterling’s new contract talks with Manchester City aren’t really going anywhere.
Now He is safely out of the country, Real Madrid’s Gareth Bale has found the pluck to have a pop at Him. “It’s maybe a bit more relaxed,” Bale blurted. “I suppose there is more of a team, more working as one unit rather than one player.”
West Ham’s Lucas Pérez has hit back after Manuel Pellegrini said the substitute was left on the bench during Sunday’s win at Everton because he was not ready to come on. “I have never ever refused to warm up in my entire career,” he tooted.
Naughty step-bound Derby boss Frank Lampard has accepted a charge of improper conduct, after being sent from the technical area at Rotherham for, erm, stepping out of the technical area.
Neil Harris is continuing to take Nasty Leeds’s late equaliser against his Millwall side well. “Their reaction to the goal is completely over the top and a disgrace in English football,” he sniffed.
The Referees’ Association of Ghana has banned 61 whistleblowers for 10 years and another eight for life after investigating claims of corruption. “Fourteen referees were exonerated as there was no evidence whatsoever they accepted money as alleged,” it’s-all-fined an RAG statement.
And Albania coach Christian Panucci has filed a civil lawsuit for €10,000 against former president, Bujar Nishani, for calling him a “charlatan” after losing a friendly against Kosovo.
STILL WANT MORE?
Fans of conversations about means of gesturing will be dismayed that our Talking Points blog is actually about the weekend’s Premier League football.
Schalke have lost three on the bounce and have a manager born after the invention of compact discs, but they’re sticking with him no matter what, writes Andy Brassell.
On-loan Parma defender Federico Dimarco scored a screamer against his parent club Inter but all anyone wants to talk about is Him scoring from 30cm, sniffs Paolo Bandini.
Is selling all their best players really a good policy for Monaco, ponder Adam White and Eric Devin.
Suzy Wrack watches Arsenal stick nine past Lewes, but finds hope for the rebel club.
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