HANDSHAKES AND GLADSHAKES
It may not have been as elaborately choreographed as the peculiar happy-clappy celebratory handshake showcased by Harry Kane and Dele Alli on Sunday, but cynics will argue it was even more contrived. As he took to the training field on Monday morning, Alexis Sánchez shook the hand of the manager who dropped him to the bench last Saturday as punishment for an alleged diva strop that previously led the Chilean to storm off the same patch of grass before becoming embroiled in a dressing-room showdown with several team-mates. As luck would have it, a photographer was present to capture the moment Arsène Wenger clasped his star player by the gloved hand.
Not being privy to the day-to-day goings-on at Arsenal’s training ground, The Fiver is unaware of whether morning handshakes are a daily ritual between Wenger and his players, or if this was a one-off event to show the world there is no residual ill-feeling between the pair. Whatever the reason for their public display of affection, both parties have been going out of their way to stress that all is as well as it can be in a world where you’ve just been hosed again by Liverpool and have the small matter of a 5-1 deficit against Bayern to avoid going out of Big Cup.
“The true warrior fights not because he hates the ones in front of him, but because he loves those behind him,” cheered Sánchez in an Instachat post, channeling the spirit of writer, poet, dramatist, philosopher and prince of paradox GK Chesterton, before adding a flourish of his own: “Let’s go Gunners. The only failure is not trying.” Whatever his faults, few could accuse Sánchez of a lack of effort and his occasional very public displays of frustration with some of his less talented team-mates have become talking points as Arsenal lurch from crisis to crisis this season like a drunk pedestrian trying to navigate a six-lane motorway.
However, despite rumours to the contrary, Wenger has insisted there wasn’t any training-ground tantrum and maintains his slightly preposterous line that the decision to leave his best player out of the team game was “tactical”. If it was, it backfired spectacularly, as Arsenal were completely overrun and two goals down by the time Alexis Chesterton launched his unsuccessful one-man bid to extricate underachieving team-mates from the mire. “I am not aware. Nothing happened,” said Wenger, upon being asked if Sánchez had hurled his rattle out of the pram. “Nothing at all. I explained after the game at Liverpool that I decided to go for a more direct option in the game and that’s what happened. That was the unique reason for my decision. For the rest, his attitude … he is a committed player, sometimes with excessive behaviour, but you have seen that many times in history in every squad.” Translation: there was no incident, but even if there was I didn’t see it.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“Always be wary. Never run away if something bad happens out on the pitch” – Francis Koné, the footballer who has now helped save the lives of four opponents, sits down for a chat with Dom Fifield.
FIVER LETTERS
“Tired of football? Come visit Argentina! The STOP FOOTBALL campaign is hugely successful here. It was not an easy task, as the recipe has more ingredients than a good paella, but the efforts put into this achievement were extraordinary. For example, the Argentinian FA (AFA) is still without a chairman, as the last election held in December 2015 (yes, more than a year ago) attempted an ill-advised revolutionary view of that strange thing called ‘maths’: the result was a 38-38 tie … out of 75 votes. Currently placed under a ‘normalising committee’ by Fifa (whatever that means), nobody really knows what the AFA is or should be doing. Everybody in the game seems to owe massive amounts of money. We are in the middle of a tournament and football was set to finally restart this past weekend following a long, long, long interlude – it should have resumed in early February. The last official match was played on 19 December 2016 (ie the mid-season break is already two and a half months and counting). But that did not happen, either. Players of smaller clubs are not getting paid, a strike was declared by the players’ union and football was ultimately suspended again on Friday … hours before the start of the first match. Football? Meh, a thing of the past. STOP FOOTBALL campaigners, watch and learn” – Pablo Kaufman.
“I’m wondering if Granny Fiver is a secret Major League Baseball fan. Upon hearing that Arsène Wenger was only talking about the stress of football management (Friday’s Fiver), you wrote that she ‘calmed and stuffed her half-written letter down her throat’. Pardon the pun, but is she taking a page from Chicago White Sox player José Abreu’s playbook, who said that in 2013 he ate his fake Haitian passport while on board his flight to illegally enter the USA! USA!! USA!!!?” – Señor Bingo.
“Paul Clement has managed to lift Swansea from bottom of the table to 16th in just eight games after the Bob Bradley (18% win ratio) era. But then, prior to becoming a manager, he was a coach assisting Guus Hiddink (Chelsea), Carlo Ancelotti (Chelsea, PSG, Real Madrid and Bayern Munich) and Steve Kean-Out (Blackeye Rovers). Only learn from the best, eh?” – Noble Francis.
• Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Pablo Kaufman.
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BITS AND BOBS
BT has coughed up almost £1.2bn to retain the rights to Big Cup and Big Vase. “We were keen to keep a balance and be financially disciplined,” honked BT’s John Petter of the 32% [THIRTY-TWO PER CENT – Fiver Vidiprinter] rise.
Zlatan Ibrahimovic and Tyrone Mings have been charged with violent conduct following Saturday’s 1-1 draw between Manchester United and Bournemouth.
They’re waiting for it, that green light, they want i … oh, they’ve got it.
West Ham are confident their increased security measures will ensure a trouble-free evening at their home defeat by Chelsea. “I have monthly meetings with Baroness Brady and I know how much effort – through her, of course – has been put into solving these problems,” whooped Slaven Bilic.
Mark Robins is back in charge of Coventry City after Russell Slade was unceremoniously sent skittering down the A444. “My aim is to provide a change of fortune for this football club in the long term,” roared Robins.
Malaysia want their Asian Cup qualifier in North Korea moved to a neutral venue, in the wake of Kim Jong-nam’s death at Kuala Lumpur airport. “The government have asked us not to go to Pyongyang,” said Malaysian FA suit Hamidin Mohd Amin.
More than 2,000 refs in England went on strike over the weekend in protest at the abuse received by officials. “The take-up has been a lot better than we’d hoped but this doesn’t just stop now,” said Ryan Hampson, who led the action. “This has touched a nerve and we will keep going until we get the changes they need, because they are getting abused on a regular basis and it’s still not being addressed.”
FA chairman Greg Clarke has revealed plans for reform, which include reserving three positions on its board for women. “This set of proposals has overachieved on what I thought was possible,” he hollered.
Meanwhile, former FA group operations director Julie Harrington is the new chief suit of British Cycling. “This is the right time to be joining one of this country’s leading governing bodies,” she said.
And Hereford FC have launched an investigation after their Southern League Division One South & West match at Didcot Town was abandoned because of crowd trouble in the 87th minute, with reports alleging the home team’s keeper was head-butted. “I feel for the players,” sighed manager Peter Beadle, whose team were 2-1 up at the time.
STILL WANT MORE?
The weekend looked an awful better for Napoli thanks to The Save by Pepe Reina, explains Paolo Bandini.
Roger Schmidt’s Leverkusen exit via the needlessly Anglicised door marked ‘Do One’ was inevitable, reports Andy Brassell.
Pascal Dupraz is the volcanic coach with shirt-jean-jacket chic taking Toulouse back into European football, reckon Adam White and Eric Devin.
Punishing someone with the bench and then bringing them on at half-time is like sending an errant child to their room but letting them have a burger and a big-screen TV; Nick Miller’s take on how not to handle Alexis Sánchez.
Harry Kane’s ability to find his own little pocket of calm was key to Tottenham’s win over Everton, writes Barney Ronay.
Uwe Rösler has bounced back from the elbow at Nasty Leeds and Wigan, writes Richard Gibson, and he’s got Fleetwood heading out of League One in style.
Harry Maguire’s hope of playing for England is one of 10 Premier League talking points from the weekend’s action.
We are fully on board with this.
Might Wilfried Zaha be swapping Selhurst Park for White Hart Lane? Today’s Mill isn’t ruling anything out.
And here’s a look at the weekend’s best Premier League photos, including Middlesbrough fans letting Aitor Karanka have it.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
