The funniest book I’ve ever read …
Alan Partridge’s Nomad is perfect. Either that or Reach for the Ground, Jeffrey Bernard’s collected articles about pissing his life away. The title alone is worth buying the book for.
The funniest person I know …
My nan was unintentionally hilarious. I was watching a nature documentary about crocodiles with her once and she said they looked so evil she wished she’d never been born.
The funniest heckle I’ve ever had …
In Edinburgh one year a woman in the front row told me she’d seen me the previous year so decided to come back. “You enjoyed it last year then?” I said. “No,” she replied, “I just came back to check you were OK.”
The funniest meal I’ve ever eaten …
I once tried to do a runner from a curry house when I was a student. Unfortunately, I was so drunk I went the wrong way and ran straight into the kitchen.
The funniest hairstyle I’ve ever had …
I tried to grow my hair when I was a teenager but it just went streaky with bald patches and my mum said I looked like a “greasy heroin addict”. So I cut it.
The funniest dream I’ve ever had …
I once had a dream where I started wearing a gold pendant in the shape of boxing gloves. I thought it was really cool but people in the dream kept laughing at me and saying it was embarrassing. Utter scum.
Alistair Green is being funny throughout the festive period on Twitter and Instagram @mralistairgreen
