Alberto Aquilani

"Rafa was sure that Alberto's marketability would help solve Liverpool's financial crisis,' writes Matt Pearson. Photograph: guardian.co.uk

'Benitez was forced to admit wrapping Aquilani in cotton wool after the paparazzi catch the midfielder heading to training at Melwood,' trumpets Keith Lyons. Photograph: guardian.co.uk

'Hoping to recoup some of their losses when they sell Aquilani on next summer, Liverpool FC release a realistic out-of-action figure,' titters Al Balmer. Photograph: guardian.co.uk

'With a face like that, it's a shame he didn't move to Arsenal,' writes Eoin O'Donnell. Photograph: guardian.co.uk

'I've been trying to get Brian Sewell into a Photoshop offering for ages,' writes Tim Daly, who's got 2010 off to a flier by realising a longheld dream. Photograph: guardian.co.uk

'Alberto’s new family wrapped the "saviour" in swaddling," writes Jason Froggett, who brings this touching Scouse nativity scene. Photograph: guardian.co.uk

'Where's [aq]Wally[ni]?' inquires Big Gloves, labouring his wordplay to within an inch of its life. Photograph: guardian.co.uk

'Benitez was hoping the warranty was still valid on his recent purchase,' honks Phil Brown (not that one). Photograph: guardian.co.uk

'Rafa "Howard Hughes" Benitez's annual winter paranoia strikes again," says Paul Bergin between handwashes. Photograph: guardian.co.uk

'I had a quiet week this week so I managed to put together three Aquilani pics!' exclaims Marco Nixon, who only sent two of them, one of which we couldn't open. Still, it's the thought that counts. Photograph: guardian.co.uk

Actually, scrap that. Our last caption, not the car. Here's Marco's second offering. Photograph: guardian.co.uk

'Clutching his warranty, Rafa calls the Roma player help line,' chirrups Tom Dawson, who signs off with not one but two kisses. Photograph: guardian.co.uk

'Much like the Saviour himself, Aquilani first appeared around Christmas time," explains Tom Nycz-Losi. 'And like the Saviour himself, he'll no doubt be out of action by around Easter.' Photograph: guardian.co.uk

'Aquilani draws comparisons between himself and Jacko. There's Off the Wall, then there's not even Off The Bench!' Luke McCarthy, take a bow. Or hang your head in shame. Photograph: guardian.co.uk

'Robbie Keane gives Bertie some relationship advice and reflects on what could have been,' chuckles Shaun Wright. Photograph: guardian.co.uk