TICKET TROUBLE
In the hours and days after the Big Vase draw on 24 August social media and fans’ forums filled with Cologne/Köln fans discussing how best to get to London for their team’s match against Arsenal, and how to find tickets. Fans booked coaches, they booked ferries and trains, and they booked aeroplane tickets to London, to Birmingham and to Manchester. Most decent transport options had been booked up long before tickets went on sale. Cologne/Köln supporters were massively encouraged by Arsenal’s ticket pricing, which started at £18 and topped out, for tickets that for Category A domestic fixtures are flogged for £95.50, at £23.50. The prices were interpreted as an admission that the club could never sell them all, and therefore as an invitation for anyone so inclined to turn up and snaffle a spare. On one forum The Fiver poked around this morning there were discussions dating back to 27 August concerning what kind of clothing fans might get away with wearing if they had tickets in the wrong bit of the Emirates.
And then yesterday they gathered, thousands of fans grouping in central London. Videos started circulating on social media disgrace Twitter and elsewhere in the early afternoon, showing crowds of Cologne/Köln-kit-clad fanatics gathering, chanting, drinking and marching. Back at the Emirates, anyone still believing at this stage that only 3,000 Germans – the number clutching precious official tickets to the away end – would turn up that evening was akin to a climate-change denier, a creationist, or someone with a Liverpool defender in their fantasy league team. And then they arrived. Many had tickets, many more did not. Nobody was ready for them. A couple of hours of largely but not entirely good-natured confusion followed. Uefa disciplinary proceedings were opened. The irony here is that one of the causes of the problem was that Arsenal sold their tickets too cheaply, not something that has often been said of them since they moved into the Emirates in 2006 and bumped up admission fees, first to pay back the enormous cost of building the thing, and later just because.
But there was another issue at play. Arsenal might have sold match tickets too cheaply, but they also sold season tickets too expensively. Even after the 10% price cut that followed their failure to qualify for Big Cup the cheapest season ticket for this season is £891. This works out at a nasty £46.89 per league game. When Arsenal bigwigs identify season-ticket holders whose places were occupied by away fans last night they will feel only anger – it is now being reported that such supporters will be stripped of their seats – but perhaps they should also feel some shame. Each one represents a die-hard fan driven to sell themselves out by the club’s own policies (and also, perhaps, the desire to make a quick and easy buck).
Of course, entrance to as many as seven home cup games is included in Arsenal’s ticket prices, potentially bringing the cost per game down to a less unreasonable £34.27. But not every fan can be bothered with, or is able to make, random midweek cup ties. Forcing the tickets upon them allows the club to boast healthy attendances even for unattractive matches, but also leaves some fans with places at games they have no plan to attend. So who is to be blamed when some of them pass them on to a friendly fellow European with a stein full of beer and a wallet full of cash? It is certainly true that some of Arsenal’s fans sold off their tickets to last night’s game in a manner that displayed selfishness, greed and a callous indifference to the inconvenience of others. Now who could they possibly have learned that from?
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“We have nice things for our students here but certainly not the level of professional jerseys” – Matt Link, a PE teacher at Montpelier High School in Vermont, USA! USA!! USA!!!, reveals that some of his pupils will soon be in possession of Ligue 1 club Montepellier’s shiny but botched shirts thanks to the missing L on the club badge that led to the club choosing to donate them to the fun-sized city (population 7,800).
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FIVER LETTERS
“Saw an interview yesterday with Eddie Howe about Bournemouth’s current form. Here’s the short version: ‘I wouldn’t question the attitude of the players. When you work with the players everyday you see the attitude and it’s all there. We haven’t lost that at all. Of course confidence is a factor, but there is no ability issue and no confidence issue, there never has been.’ If I went to see my boss with zero sales and said my attitude was excellent, my abilities were as good as ever and confidence is as it should be. I suspect he would press a secret button under the desk and Smithers would release the hounds” – Marten Allen.
“Good to see Joe Mercer keeping in touch with the modern football world via Fiver letters and, I presume, a ouija board (Thursday’s Fiver Letters). Any other Fiver reader out there with a famous football name (dead or alive alive-o?). Jim/John Smiths need not apply” – Kevin McKee.
“Prizeless letter-winner Mark Bennett’s attempt to correct the Fiver’s spelling of Basel/Basle/Baaaarrrl. [Thursday’s Fiver.] May I be one of the other 1,056 Francophiles to point out that by using the circumflex in the French version of Bâle, Mr. Bennett has, in a manner of speaking, confirmed the Fiver’s spelling of Basle. The circumflex was introduced to indicate the elision of the letter “s” from certain words in the older French language, essentially making Bâle and Basle the same, at least in pronunciation. I look forward to the day when Gareth Bale plays for … no, that’s a step too far” – Bruce G Bradley.
“’His’ Portugal are third while Wales are up to 13, just above Peru in 12th, and two places above plucky England’ (yesterday’s Bits and Bobs). By that reasoning my beloved Villa are ahead of Nasty Leeds in the Championship. Finally some good news for Villa fans in a week our team name reached even lower lows” – Anthony T (and 1,056 others).
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’ the day is … Marten Allen.
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NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Police have said they are growing increasingly concerned for Clarke Carlisle after the former Burnley and Leeds players was reported missing. Carlisle was last seen by his family in Preston on Thursday afternoon, and may have been in Manchester city centre on Friday morning. Lancashire Police have urged anyone with information to contact them.
Ronald Koeman has called for his key players to start delivering after three straight defeats, no goals scored and eight conceded. “It’s time for the experienced players to stand up,” Koeman growled, giving Wayne Rooney one of his extra hard stares.
Sliced clearance’s Kolo Touré has been appointed as the Queen’s Celtic technical assistant. “This is a new chapter in my career, a new beginning,” he cheered. “The football is over now. I can officially say I am retired from playing and now I am fully concentrating on coaching.”
As far as José Mourinho is concerned, Rooney should only stand up for a red-carpet reception at Old Trafford on Sunday. “He’s a real legend of the club,” Mou purred. “I think the stadium will show him the respect he deserves.”
Mauricio Pochettino still doesn’t know when Danny Rose will be fit to play again. “I’m a coach, not a doctor,” Pochettino mithered when pressed on a potential return for Rose, who was expected back after the international break. In other Spurs news, new signing Fernando Llorente has said Harry Kane is one of the world’s best strikers. “The truth is that he is in a sweet moment,” sighed Llorente, adopting the popular parlance of our time.
Sadio Mané has expressed regret over his collision with Manchester City keeper Ederson. “Next time, I will get the ball before him,” Mané added, failing to connect to the point with a flailing boot.
Isco has signed a new contract at Real Madrid, keeping him at the club until June 2022. “I have no regrets, I’ve won three [Big Cups] in four years,” the Spanish midfielder crowed.
Newcastle’s Matt Ritchie had his first beer for more than two years – so he could do the necessary for a drugs test. “I had a knock on my door at 8.45pm – it was the drug testers,” he cheered. “To try and make myself have a wee, I had my first beer since my wedding day!”
And fixture of the weekend comes in the Swiss Cup, where BSC Young Boys of Bern travel to BSC Old Boys of Basel/Basle/Baaaarrrl. That one will sort the boys from the other boys, etc and so on.
STILL WANT MORE?
“Hey, what’s the deal with Crystal Palace and foreign managers?” Not the start of a Jerry Seinfeld routine, but Richard Foster’s piece about the Eagles and their weird relationship with bosses from abroad.
Yah boo sucks to anyone who thought Cologne/Köln fans were trouble on Thursday: Like Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes, Arne Steinberg had the time of his life.
Barney Ronay offers his nuanced opinion as to what went on at the Emirates before quickly donning a tin hat.
Fancy a cheat sheet on stuff to talk about with that relative who says they like football but still thinks David Seaman is in goal for Arsenal? Have a look at our 10 things to look forward to in this weekend’s Premier League fixtures.
The best way to attract boys or girls is through excellent sports knowledge: show your beloved your results from the latest quiz of the week and romance will certainly ensue.
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