Afonso Alves

"Alves wasn't the only Brazilian to struggle in the Premier League this season," notes Nick Sanders Photograph: n/a

Paul Berry fears the Middlesbrough show has finally jumped the shark Photograph: n/a

"Middlesbrough's sponsors step in to help the club avoid relegation," guffaws Chris Higgins Photograph: n/a

Thomas Nycz-Losi hails Boro's invisible man Photograph: n/a

We're genuinely not sure if Chris Dantas is making a joke or simply found a copy of this in Poundland's discount bin Photograph: n/a

"It’s a short story involving lots of Little Misses," chuckles Adam Michie Photograph: n/a

"Two left feet," muses Colin Hammond Photograph: n/a

John Paul Barry seems to think this is how Alves celebrates a goal. Which would explain why we haven't seen it before Photograph: n/a

"The manager had to be called after Afonso polished off the entire buffet," giggles David Castle Photograph: n/a

If it's gently humorous plays on words and Gareth Southgate in a dress you're after, Brian Corcoran is your man Photograph: n/a

"Alves tries to use positive visualisation to help him score more goals," chirrups Thomas Nycz-Losi Photograph: n/a

There's more pie-based japery from John O'Reilly. "Afonso always struggled to get by the pie-stand outside the Riverside" Photograph: n/a

"Afonso Alves was seen being chased by Middlesbrough fans after hearing he was preparing to jump ship," parps John Day Photograph: n/a

"Fonzie's thumbs never lie," sighs Mat Owen. "And right now they're pointing towards the Championship" Photograph: n/a