Essendon could probably beat Carlton blindfolded
Just two rounds into the season a very awkward truth has been drummed into us when it comes to Carlton; putting aside Levi Casboult’s set shots, the press conference performances of their coach Mick Malthouse are now far more entertaining than anything the Blues dish up on field. After his side was put to the sword by ex-Blue Josh Kennedy and his Eagles teammates last weekend, Malthouse was not exactly at a loss for words.
“Players don’t want to come here,” he said of the stench surrounding a club that was once a benchmark of the competition but is now, for all the noise it generates, a mediocre operation in most respects. It was a fascinating insight because not only was Malthouse acknowledging how bad things have become, he also gave an implied backhander to the players the club has actually secured from elsewhere in the past few years. Andrejs Everitt, Liam Jones, Jason Tutt (we’ll give crocked Dale Thomas a pass, I suppose) must have felt like chopped liver.
What now though? How does it get better? When he wasn’t spraying the ball at right angles, Levi Casboult seemed to offer at least 60 per cent of Carlton’s total force of resistance against the Eagles and Chris Judd the rest. Malthouse acknowledged the glaring midfield deficiencies but even when they did manage to bomb it inside 50, they didn’t give Casboult and co much to work with. That doubled-edged weakness is actually three-pronged problem when you consider what happens in the other direction; Michael Jamison had a shocker on Kennedy but the volume of supply to Kennedy didn’t give the defender much of a chance either.
Carlton’s opponents this week in Essendon have faded late in games, as you’d expect of a side with little match practice leading into the season, but a single decent quarter of their best is about all it will take to beat the Blues at the moment. What a sorry state of affairs.
The battle to bridge the gap
Undoubtedly the biggest match-up between the Sydney rivals since they met last time, the time before that and that other time they played each other, the ‘Battle of the Bridge’ does actually hold the hope of being a lot tighter contest than those of seasons past. It’s second vs third this time, the Giants having gotten the job done so far against two easy-beats in St Kilda and Melbourne, surging from behind to beat the latter.
Playing on the SCG for the first time this season, the Swans are also two from two but unlike their opponents, have the luxury of being able to demote a player like Adam Goodes to the NEAFL, where he’ll presumably play to a slightly smaller crowd. In round one Sydney beat Essendon with a single quarter of decent football and last week beat Port Adelaide by 48 points, a thumping for the Power in Adelaide Oval terms. They look even better than they were as Grand Finalists in 2014.
Miserly defence and multi-faceted attacking options mean Sydney will be almost impossible to beat here. Sapped of their ability to score last week, Port - a far superior side to the Giants – eventually became dispirited. If you’re in one of those tipping comps that require the picking of a single sure-fire winner each week, this might be your game for round three.
Your low-key game of the round
On the topic of Port Adelaide, they’re yet to win a game this season and now face another tough interstate assignment against North Melbourne on Saturday night. These two sides have produced some cracking contests over the past two years and this might be the same story, Port battling hard to get a win on the board and North just as likely to careen between their best and worst traits as much as settle at either end of the scale. The Roos also have a solid record in beating Port at Etihad Stadium, not an insignificant statistic.
Still, what valuable pointers we can take from North’s hammering of Brisbane last week remain to be seen. Publicly dacked by Adelaide in the opening round, the Roos took out their frustrations on the Lions in savage style, at one point kicking eight consecutive goals in what seemed the blink of an eye. Jarrad Waite ended up with seven himself and Todd Goldstein made Matthew Leuenberger and Stefan Martin, both solid players, look like mobile witches hats to dominate the ruck duels. North were also hungrier and tougher in the midfield, which is what they’ll need to be again. Port has been below its best this year but they’ll never shirk a contest. This should be a belter.
Bonus feature: this game will be coming to you live via the Guardian goal-by-goal live blog.
The Carlton Draught Derby
On Sunday Domain Stadium (a venue with such a touching affinity with its own history that its website URL still reads www.pattersonsstadium.com ) will host the game in which all Western Australian kids dream of one day taking part, The Carlton Draught Derby. As coaches Adam Simpson and Ross Lyon sat at their press conferences yesterday, proudly wearing polos and caps bearing the insignia of our valued corporate partners, you couldn’t help but be overcome with pride for the traditions of this great game.
You could see it in their faces to be truthful. These two men have scaled football’s greatest heights but nothing – nothing – compares with the unique and refreshing taste of a Carlton mid-strength lovingly poured into the finest in artisan plasticware. Cardboard trays are free at some grounds this season, what with it being the ‘year of the fan’ and all. We’ve never had it better. That’s what Lyon’s expressions seemed to say, too; ‘I don’t think I could love this game any more if they strapped two cans to the side of this hat and gave me a couple of long straws.’
It reminded me of the sweet smell of said beer after it had been poured onto my lap by passing oafs at characterful old grounds like Moorabbin, Princes Park and Waverley, back in the ‘good old days’ when an awkward timber bench, ripped up telephone books and a vague sense of unease at the sight of horse-mounted police was all we needed for a fun day out at the footy. But times have changed and they’ve changed for the better, be assured. The contest itself? Pre-mixed spirits have been solid performers wherever they’ve played so far this season, but I get the sense that Draught will wipe the floor with them on Sunday. And what a sticky mess of a floor it will be.
The best of the rest
Given their abject capitulation last week against the Giants, you wouldn’t fancy Melbourne’s chances of a successful trip to Adelaide Oval when they play the ladder-leading Crows, but then an inferior Demons outfit than the one now did actually knock them off in the same scenario last season. For so long a not-quite-there side, Brisbane might again struggle against Richmond, even on their home turf. If so, it will have been an awful start to what loomed as a season of progress. There’s still time.
Like Bulldogs and Roos supporters, St Kilda’s faithful don’t get many opportunities to head off to the MCG these days but that they will tonight as their side faces Collingwood. The middling Magpies should win this because St Kilda are at that point in their development cycle where defenders kicking bags of goals after being recast as novelty forwards is the best they can hope for.
Gary Ablett looks sore and sorry while his Gold Coast side couldn’t even beat the lowly Saints last week, so a win against Geelong down at Kardinia Park appears about as likely as Mark Stevens receiving a back rub from Mick Malthouse. The most interesting of all the off-Broadway fixtures this weekend - though you’d think not the closest-run - will be the young Bulldogs taking on Hawthorn. The Beveridge era is off to an absolute flyer for the Dogs.
