In conclusion
That was about as comprehensive as you’ll get from the Hawks, who carried their scintillating form of recent weeks into this clash and just destroyed a lackluster Carlton side.
Best for the winners were Jordan Lewis (36 possessions, 2 goals), Sam Mitchell (35 touches), Luke Hodge (32 touches and a goal), Jack Gunston (6 goals), and young Billy Hartung (24 possessions, 2 goals), but there were winners all over the ground and the tackle count (+10) and inside-50s (+32) spoke of Hawthorn’s ceaseless hunger for the contest.
Carlton lowered their colours in their skipper’s 200th game, but Marc Murphy himself was tireless with 37 possessions but needed far more helpers than Patrick Cripps (27 possessions) and Tom Bell (25 and a goal).
The Hawthorn juggernaut rumbles on for another week and here’s a sobering thought for you: these two sides actually meet again in Round 23.
Thanks for joining me for all the action tonight and make sure you stop by for more live AFL action throughout the season.
Marc Murphy’s face says it all...
All over. A bitterly disappointing night. #AFLBluesHawks #NAVYBLUES pic.twitter.com/bZbAuock7P
— Carlton FC (@CarltonFC) July 24, 2015
Crowd of 26,815 for #AFLBluesHawks lowest between these sides since 2000. 3rd lowest since 1994. #afl
— General Ursus (@GenUrsus) July 24, 2015
Blues free football #AFLBluesHawks
— Swish Schwerdt (@swishtter) July 24, 2015
It's all over - Hawthorn thump the Blues by 138 points
Hawks point after the siren! Hawthorn 27.11 (173) vs Carlton 4.11 (35)
Well, the 26,000 hardy souls at Etihad stadium can walk away tonight saying they witnessed history but the Blues among them will do so with a grimace. Their team was comprehensively whipped, going down by 23 goals as the Hawks put on an absolute clinic.
“Today was all about attitude, you can approach these games half-hearted” says Hawk Jordan Lewis, adding that he was particuarly impressed with the way his teammates kept their foot on the gas. “It’s important we keep a lid on it,” he concludes. It’s a record defeat for Carlton.
Hawks goal! 4th quarter (3:12 remaining) Hawthorn 27.10 (172) vs Carlton 4.11 (35)
Hawthorn are going so well that Luke Hodge can afford to literally run backwards before launching them back into attack, a play that puts the balls in Roughead’s hands only 35 metres from goal. He hits the post because that’s about the only thing left for Hawthorn to do in the way of scoring. Seconds later Puopolo sharks the ball of the back of a pack ans sprints in to an open goal.
Note: they’re kicking so many I actually had the score wrong there for a while. Apologies, but it’s pretty hard to keep up.
Hawks goal! 4th quarter (7:49 remaining) Hawthorn 26.9 (165) vs Carlton 4.9 (33)
Breust kicks his third in so much space 15 metres from goal that he could have stopped, changed shorts with a teammate and still snapped it through before a Blues defender got to him. The Hawks also have the highest team score of the year now.
Updated
Hawks goal! 4th quarter (9:02 remaining) Hawthorn 25.9 (159) vs Carlton 4.9 (33)
McEvoy slips one through from 40 metres out and we’re now above that record mark of 124. That’s the only interest remaining, unless Hawthorn can crack 200 points for the game.
Updated
Hawks goal! 4th quarter (10:38 remaining) Hawthorn 24.9 (153) vs Carlton 4.9 (33)
I’m legitimately running out of creative ways to describe goals now. The Hawks hoof it forward through Breust and only seconds after the re-start Roughead bangs another one through from the spillage. That record Blues loss is still on the cards.
Hawks goal! 4th quarter (10:51 remaining) Hawthorn 23.9 (147) vs Carlton 4.9 (33)
I won’t lie, this is getting a little dreary now. I’m starting to take Hawthorn’s monotonous brilliance for granted as the game enters its final dozen minutes. Now Breust goals after receiving a handball from Hartung only 20 metres from goal. Hartung might actually have kicked that himself but did the team thing and made sure of it. The Hawks now have 7 mutiple goal scorers.
Hawks goal! 4th quarter (13:17 remaining) Hawthorn 22.9 (141) vs Carlton 4.8 (32)
Jack Gunston has been sensational tonight and there’s no drop off in effort when he sees the chance to tackle Sam Rowe to the ground inside 50 to win himself another shot at goal. He wraps Rowe up perfectly and then leans back a little as he sends the conversion straight over the umpire’s hat.
Blues goal! 4th quarter (14:44 remaining) Hawthorn 21.8 (134) vs Carlton 4.8 (32)
Now another for the Blues, who are showing a little more fight now as the game heads into junk time. They work it around the boundary as they enter 50 and then Bell picks out Blaine Boekhorst 15 metres from goal and on an angle that encourages him to run around the mark and snap it through the middle .
Blues goal! 4th quarter (17:10 remaining) Hawthorn 21.8 (134) vs Carlton 3.7 (25)
FINALLY, ANOTHER CARLTON GOAL! It’s Tom Bell this time and he’s so happy about it that he wants to punch on with Brian Lake. He could probably take him these days.
Hawks goal! 4th quarter (17:45 remaining) Hawthorn 21.8 (134) vs Carlton 2.7 (19)
Billy Hartung has put in a very diligent shift tonight and starts the final term by booting his second goal from a set shot 35 metres out. As he does so it might be worth pondering what sort of damage this game is doing to John Barker’s chances of winning a permanent job at the Blues. Poor bloke.
Three-quarter time - Hawks lead by 109 points and this game needs a white flag
Hawthorn 20.8 (128) vs Carlton 2.7 (19)
What’s left to say at this point? The Hawks just keep pulverising their hapless opponents and there’s no sign that they’re going to back off. They now lead the disposal count by 82, lead I50s by a whopping 50-22 and tackles too (+10).
They’ve got 12 goalkickers, five of them multiples and Jack Gunston has five. Jordan Lewis has 29 touches and 2 goals while Marc Murphy (29 disposals) can at least console himself with some monster numbers on a forgettable milestone night.
Hawks goal! 3rd quarter (0:23 remaining) Hawthorn 20.8 (128) vs Carlton 2.7 (19)
What’s remarkable about all this is how hungry Hawthorn remain and how stingy their defensive efforts are even as the score blows out to an embarrassing degree. What an awful way for Blues skipper Marc Murphy to bring up 200 games. The only downside for the Hawks as Cyril Rioli smashes through one last goal for the term is the sight of Jarryd Roughhead limping off after coming off second best from a brutal marking contest.
Hawks goal! 3rd quarter (4:19 remaining) Hawthorn 19.8 (122) vs Carlton 2.7 (19)
It’s over the 100-point mark now as Jack Gunston gathers a handball from Jordan Lewis in space and threads a running goal, his fifth of the night. Carlton’s worst ever loss is 124 points and that’s under real threat tonight. It’s a demolition job.
Hawks goal! 3rd quarter (4:57 remaining) Hawthorn 18.8 (116) vs Carlton 2.7 (19)
“Build your future” mocks the advertising hording behind the Levi Casboult as he soars across a pack to take a handsome pack mark. Can he convert it from 40 metres out? Not quite. Nowhere near, in fact. This one slews off the side of the boot and out on the full.
“Kicks like that will make him better,” says Cameron Ling, though he doesn’t elaborate as to why that would be the case. Tell you who’s getting better? Billy Hartung, and he finally gets a goal of his own now when he roves a clever tap by Cyril Rioli and snaps accurately on the run.
Hawks goal! 3rd quarter (8:27 remaining) Hawthorn 17.8 (110) vs Carlton 2.6 (18)
Perhaps the floodgates have reopened now. Gunston is eager for goals and after bringing Holman to the turf in a textbook tackle he threads a 6-pointer with that majestic goal-kicking action of his. Hawthorn’s percentage currently sits at 166.9, in case you were wondering.
Hawks goal! 3rd quarter (8:51 remaining) Hawthorn 16.8 (104) vs Carlton 2.6 (18)
Hawthorn have barely even allowed the Blues forward entries tonight but now they do not only that but give away a free kick that allows Blaine Boekhorst a shot on goal. He’s 35 metres out and directly in front but the young Blue butchers it.
Then in transition Billy Hartung is given another chance to stretch his legs through the guts of the ground and send a long and incisive pass to Puopolo only 20 metres from goal but he too misses a sitter. No matter, Luke Hodge picks out Jono O’Rourke moments later and the former Giant dobs his first goal for the club from 40 metres out.
Hawks goal! 3rd quarter (14:53 remaining) Hawthorn 15.7 (97) vs Carlton 2.5 (17)
Puopolo has just kicked his first of the night so Carlton decide to give him ten metres of space only 40 from goal, so he can mark and then swing through a set shot. Not ideal really.
Hawks goal! 3rd quarter (15:50 remaining) Hawthorn 14.7 (91) vs Carlton 2.5 (17)
The second half gets under way in predictable style with the Hawks streaming forward but Luke Breust fires wide with an open shot on goal from 40 metres out on the run. Rioli then both flies for a screamer and also somehow crumbs his own effort. As in the first term the Blues just kind of hang in there for a bit but it seems preordained when Paul Puopolo goals, though the free kick and 50-metre penalty he receives to do so is a little iffy.
How to do social media when you’re getting flogged
My only criticism would be that they needed to find a font that totally obscured the scores altogether. Did that early 90s Carlton mascot ever come in for drug testing?
Half-time at @EtihadStadiumAU. #AFLBluesHawks #NAVYBLUES pic.twitter.com/wtfiHGqCwx
— Carlton FC (@CarltonFC) July 24, 2015
Blues trail 17-82 at half time. This is like when the Spanish defeated British forces and captured Minorca. That was in 1782. #AFLBluesHawks
— Gigs (@AndrewGigacz) July 24, 2015
Half-time - the Hawks lead by an ominous 65 points
Hawthorn 13.4 (82) vs Carlton 2.5 (17)
There’s time enough for one final point for the Blues but they’re being bent over Hawthorn’s knee and spanked so far tonight. A five-goal margin at quarter time is now eleven. That says it all. They’re also +17 on I50s, +11 in contested possession, and +41 on overall possession.
Jordan Lewis has 18 possessions, 2 goals and has pretty much done as he pleases, Jack Gunston’s kicked 3 majors and Ryan Shoenmakers 2. Anyone who doesn’t get one by the end of the night will probably be socially ostracized by the rest of the team.
Positives for the Blues? Marc Murphy (21 possessions) and Patrick Cripps (16) have tried their level best but not many others can hold their heads high. They’ll need to drastically improve on their first-half effort to keep this under a three-figure loss.
what Wayne Carey was trying to say was that Sam Mitchell is Keyser Soze
— spell my name proper (@TerryAustralis) July 24, 2015
Hawks goal! 2nd quarter (0:32 remaining) Hawthorn 13.4 (82) vs Carlton 2.4 (16)
It’d been a while since David Hale had done anything but in his 100th game as Hawthorn he marks strongly 15 metres from goal and slams through another for his rampant side. Moments before that Isaac Smith had missed another chance. Very poor form from Smith. Hope Clarkson gives him a dressing down at the break.
Hawks goal! 2nd quarter (2:42 remaining) Hawthorn 12.3 (75) vs Carlton 2.4 (16)
Cyril Rioli is a genius and it was only a matter of time before he forced another goal. This time he makes veteran Blue Kade Simpson look like an absolute rube when he chases him down, strips the ball and then snaps a goal from his own crumb. As that happens Paul Puopolo is subbed on and defender Matt Spangher comes off, on account of either injury or boredom. Puopolo will be licking his lips here.
Blues goal! 2nd quarter (4:50 remaining) Hawthorn 11.3 (69) vs Carlton 2.4 (16)
I’m pretty sure I saw his face on the side of a milk carton the last time I went to the fridge, but Liam Jones has actually kicked a goal here, intercepting an errant pass from Sam Mitchell and goaling on the run after the Hawks veteran had tried to switch play deep in defence.
Hawks goal! 2nd quarter (5:48 remaining) Hawthorn 11.3 (66) vs Carlton 1.4 (10)
It’s Ryan Shoenmakers’ turn on the Hawks goal-kicking roster now and this one is a beauty; a high, looping drop punt that flies through from 45 metres out. He’s got 2 now and this is an absolute belting. Reader Brendan Brown has no sympathy for my heating dilemma. “ Excuse me as I turn the thermostat up to 30 with this cold Coopers Pale Ale in my hand,” he says. The joy of football is keeping me warm, Brendan.
Hawks goal! 2nd quarter (7:32 remaining) Hawthorn 10.3 (63) vs Carlton 1.4 (10)
Is Carlton playing a reverse-zone? Is this anti-defence? Whetever it is it’s making John Barker screw his face up like he’s sucking on a rotten egg. He’s doing that because Ben McEvoy just glided across a pack to mark 20 metres out and kick his first of the night. Like in AusKick, everybody gets to kick a goal for Hawthorn.
Blues goal! 2nd quarter (8:43 remaining) Hawthorn 9.3 (57) vs Carlton 1.4 (10)
Isaac Smith hits the post for Hawks and it somehow seems like an injustice; how could a Hawks player actually miss? Just back to Billy Hartung for a moment. He’s having an absolute blinder tonight, which is interesting in the context of shoring up a spot in the line-up come finals time. With 10 minutes left in this term he’s already had 13 possessions.
But then... A CARLTON GOAL! YES, A CARLTON GOAL! They get it the only way they were ever going to; via a free kick. Everitt does his best to miss the set shot from 15 metres out but just manages to squeeze it inside the left-hand post. At least the Blues cheer squad can finally get the pom-poms out. Blimey.
Hawks goal! 2nd quarter (11:21 remaining) Hawthorn 9.2 (56) vs Carlton 0.4 (4)
Carlton have their best passage of the last half-hour when they get it forward and at least apply some pressure but a behind to Johnson and a rushed one by Hartung are the only result. Then Hartung marks 15 metres from goal down the other end and takes the absolute Mickey by chipping in board (but further from goal) for Roughead so he can mark and goal. This is a frightful drubbing.
Hawks goal! 2nd quarter (14:38 remaining) Hawthorn 8.2 (50) vs Carlton 0.2 (2)
Jack Gunston has three now and they’re getting progressively easier. This one he slams through from 15 metres out in plenty of space and the Hawks look like they’re playing a computer game on ‘Beginner’ mode. Carlton is hosting “90s night” tonight at Etihad and the opposition are supporting the concept by trying to outscore Jason Dunstall’s 1992 goal tally in a single night.
Hawks goal! 2nd quarter (16:47 remaining) Hawthorn 7.2 (44) vs Carlton 0.2 (2)
This is just diabolical for the Blues, so much so that Wayne Carey is having to amuse himself by writing off Sam Mitchell. Jordan Lewis goals from 30 metres out on a slight angle as that happens and I guess all the Hawthorn supporters who are at home instead of the game are now launching into fits of apoplectic rage on Twitter. #StandByMitch
Hawks goal! 2nd quarter (17:46 remaining) Hawthorn 6.2 (38) vs Carlton 0.2 (2)
Who’d be a Blues forward? Carlton has now failed to kick a goal in either of its last two quarters of footy and barely had a sniff early here. They get the first forward entry of the second term but numbers at the contest and a late hit on Hodge by Casboult means Hawthorn clear trouble easily.
I hesitate to call anything that happens on a football field “soft”, but Chris Yarran’s resistance to Jack Gunston is not exactly strong so the Hawks marks easily and then goals from point blank range to get things started again. Yarran might have applied a little more pressure than that in an ideal world.
Quarter time - the Hawks open up a 5-goal lead
Hawthorn 5.2 (32) vs Carlton 0.2 (2)
Only the siren stops the Blues from hemorrhaging any more goals and thus ends their first goalless opening term against Hawthorn since 1991, back when Angry Anderson was still considered a sure thing as pre-game entertainment. The Hawks smashed them 16-6 in Inside-50s, 7-2 in marks inside 50 and +23 in disposals. This could be a very tough night at the office for John Barker’s men.
Hawks goal! 1st quarter (1:24 remaining) Hawthorn 5.2 (32) vs Carlton 0.2 (2)
Disposals inside forward 50? 28 to 3 in Hawthorn’s favour so far and to make matters worse for the Blues Nick Holman has just been reported for an open-handed close-line on Luke Breust. The Hawks are all over the Carlton defender and Breust goals from the resultant 50-metre penalty. This is a beat-down at the moment. Carlton can’t get near it.
Hawks goal! 1st quarter (3:07 remaining) Hawthorn 4.2 (26) vs Carlton 0.2 (2)
Geez, Hawthorn players are just lining up for goals now and after failing to score for a good ten minutes at the start of the game they now look like they’ll manage a cricket score. Ryan Shoenmakers gets his turn this time after Jarryd Roughead dishes him the ball 15 metres from goal. He snaps accurately on the left and Carlton are suddenly a bit of a rabble.
Hawks goal! 1st quarter (4:34 remaining) Hawthorn 3.2 (20) vs Carlton 0.2 (2)
The Blues are chipping it short tonight and aiming to maintain possession but so far it’s only delaying the inevitable because when Hawthorn get it they just cut them to ribbons. Breust marks 40 metres from goal and could easily nail it but capitalizes on some slack defensive work to find Jack Gunston another 20 metres closer. The latter doesn’t miss those ones so the Hawks skip three goals clear. Danger signs for Carlton, especially with Kade Simpson on the bench for treatment on an elbow injury.
Hawks goal! 1st quarter (7:23 remaining) Hawthorn 2.1 (13) vs Carlton 0.2 (2)
It’s a goal avalanche now. Jordan Lewis kicks one from the goal square in a ridiculous amount of space after Billy Hartung shows some dash down the wing to hammer it deep into attack and catch Carlton unawares. That could be a sign of things to come, I reckon.
Hawks goal! 1st quarter (9:49 remaining) Hawthorn 1.1 (7) vs Carlton 0.2 (2)
Carlton win the first clearance of the night and go forward through Marc Murphy. Hilarity ensues when it becomes evident that one of the umpires has already lost his voice and so sounds like a 13-year-old battling puberty. The Hawks swing it forward but Carlton hold firm momentarily and rebound themselves.
It’s cat and mouse stuff early, Hawthorn patiently threading passes until they find a way through but never quite managing it. The crowd? Sparse. Seems as though everyone got off the train at Richmond to go and see Ronaldo instead and he’d probably produce more absorbing feats in his warm-up than we see in the first five minutes of this encounter. Right as I type that Jordan Lewis hooks a set shot from 40 metres out on a slight angle and then Cripps misses a boundary-side snap for the Blues.
Finally the deadlock is broken when Cyril Rioli pressures Cripps into coughing it up deep in defense. Luke Hodge intercepts that compromised kick and steers through his set shot from 35 metres out, right in front. And not before time.
The Toss
Luke Hodge wins it for the Hawks and kicks to the Coventry End, which is obviously massive news given the game is taking place in an indoor stadium. Only a minute from the opening bounce now. Let’s do this.
Really hope my Blues avoid the follow-on tonight #AFLBluesHawks
— Theo Doropoulos (@TheoDrop) July 24, 2015
A late change for the Blues
Troy Menzel has apparently crocked himself in the warm-up and is replaced at the last minute by Blaine Johnson, whose name I can’t type without thinking about Andrew McCarthy in ‘Pretty in Pink’. Hopefully things turn out equally well for the Carlton player.
As his team runs through its banner John Barker has a few last words to Seven. “We’ve got our work cut out for us,” he concludes. The Hawks banner is a little more ominous: “Tonight we feast,” it says.
Looking ahead
Hawthorn are raging favorites here, let’s be honest. It’s a bitterly cold night in Melbourne. How do I know this? Because the gas company came around a few hours ago and cut off my supply, so my teeth are chattering away as I bring you the live action. Please keep me in your thoughts as you crank your own ducted heating up to 30 and take off your shirt just because you can.
Alistair Clarkson is up on screen now having a chat to Dennis Cometti. “We’re really pleased we’ve got three big guys who can command that position,” he says of the club’s overflow of ruck stocks. Ben McEvoy has been superb in recent weeks. Clarkson has a few words on his opposite number John Barker, too. “Despite his external smile, JB, he’s got a real fierce desire,” he says. Still speaking on Carlton he signs of with the contractually obliged cliche: “You’ve gotta respect the way they’re going about it.”
Blues skipper Marc Murphy also stops by for a word about the Hawks. “They’re in in as good a nick as I’ve seen any team in the last couple of years,” he says. “We’ve got a few plans in place.” Kerrigan-Harding style plans?
Tonight’s teams
There are no late changes for either side. Liam Jones is back in this week for the Blues, which just goes to show that Carlton’s selectors do care about the tragi-comedic element of my live blog. Cheers gents.
Carlton
Nick Holman, Sam Rowe, Michael Jamison, Chris Yarran, Zach Tuohy, Dylan Buckley, Kade Simpson, Marc Murphy, Sam Docherty, Troy Menzel, Liam Jones, Tom Bell, Levi Casboult, Lachie Henderson, Andrejs Everitt, Matthew Kreuzer, Patrick Cripps, Ed Curnow, Blaine Boekhorst, Jason Tutt, Simon White SUB: Brad Walsh
Hawthorn
Matt Spangher, Brian Lake, Sam Mitchell, Grant Birchall, Josh Gibson, Angus Litherland, Bradley Hill, Shaun Burgoyne, Isaac Smith, Cyril Rioli, Ryan Schoenmakers, Luke Breust, Jack Gunston, Jarryd Roughead, Ben McEvoy, David Hale, Luke Hodge, Jordan Lewis, Matthew Suckling, Jonathan O’Rourke, Billy Hartung SUB: Paul Puopolo
Calm down Hawks...
Yep, @Cristiano and @GarethBale11 are in town... #AFLBluesHawks #brownandgold pic.twitter.com/AzEcAbnicp
— Hawthorn FC (@HawthornFC) July 24, 2015
Preamble
Hello readers and welcome to Friday Night Football for Round 17 of this AFL season. Tonight’s combatants are silky smooth Hawthorn and...well...what’s a nice thing to say about Carlton at the moment? They’re not as bad as they were a few months back? Their jumpers are well ironed?
If you’d like to get in touch tonight, please do email me on russell.jackson@theguardian.com or tweet something to @rustyjacko - the username I picked when every conceivable combination of my full name was taken.
Before I get to tonight’s team lists, there’s some breaking news via Channel Seven’s Mark Stevens: Blues milestone man Marc Murphy has forgotten his parking pass to get into Etihad stadium tonight so will have to cough up $30 like the rest of us do. Other news via Seven: their digital channel will be playing both The Karate Kid III and Rambo III this weekend, so there’s the rest of your entertainment sorted.
Russ will be here shortly. In the meantime, here’s Jonathan Horn, getting all nostalgic in his review of the classic 1980 film The Club.
The Club, directed by Bruce Beresford and released just before the 1980 grand final on the back of David Williamson’s successful play, veers between the sublime and the ridiculous. A significant proportion of its retro, ironic appeal lies in its absurdity. The dialogue is clunky at times. The tacked-on footy footage iscartoonish. Jack Thompson’s handball technique would have him escorted from any football club south of the Murray. The ending, in particular, is preposterous. The hitherto useless Geoff Hayward suddenly morphs into Gary Ablett Snr, playing in front of 130,000 people at the MCG, slotting goals on his opposite foot from the half back line.
But in a game that is unrecognisable from a decade ago, let alone 1980, the film still somehow stacks up. It could be Williamson’s one liners. It could be the acting. It could be the cast of heroes and villains – the megalomanic club president, the Machiavellian administer, the grizzled veteran, the reluctant recruit, the blathering old fossil – all of whom are instantly recognisable.
Read the full review here, and enjoy the trailer here:
