The funniest book I’ve ever read …
Rob Brydon’s Making Divorce Work (as Keith Barret). I used to read it in the break room when I worked in Boots because nobody talked to me, and then I realised that people didn’t want to talk to me because they thought I was a 19-year-old divorcee.
The funniest standup I’ve ever seen …
Anything by Mitch Hedberg. He is the reason that as a 14-year-old I realised I could be a comedian despite knowing I had no performance skills.
The funniest person I know …
I once met a guy who thought “a few” went up to six.
The funniest number …
When I’m bored I try to think what the lowest number I’ve never said is. I laugh every time out of confusion.
The funniest hairstyle I’ve ever had …
When I was about 10 my mum used to give me money to get my hair cut in town but I’d spend it on sweets and cut my own hair in a graveyard near my house.
The funniest dream I’ve ever had …
I once dreamed I was a germ in Richard Gere’s bloodstream and then Richard took medicine so I died – and I woke up crying.
The funniest thing that shouldn’t be funny …
The fact that in every meeting I’ve ever been in and not been listening, I’ve gotten away with it by randomly throwing in the sentence: “Yeah, it’s just about finding that balance.” I find it hilarious I’ve never been caught.
Adam Hess: Seahorse is at Pleasance Courtyard, Edinburgh, to 27 August
