Calm down dear, it's only a survey: eSure are one of several companies with research into schools this August.
In keeping with the silly season, today seems to be a day for spurious surveys. At first glance, they seem believable - but the PR sources are a dead giveaway.
Take the claim that school bags are now worth more than £200. Maybe true, what with all the gadgetry kids are encouraged to want these days. And little wonder they want to take new iPods and games consoles into school to show them off.
But the "research" is by insurance company Esure: it claims the average schoolbag is worth £265, and three fifths of pupils take a mobile phone into class.
According to Esure, 60% of parents admit that their children never go to school without their mobile phone, and over a sixth (17%) take a hand-held games console with them for break time entertainment - what happened to football and skipping?
Three in 10 pupils take their MP3 or MP4 players and almost one in ten (9%) now have electronic personal organisers rather than prehistoric paper diaries.
"Fashion-conscious teens could be taking personal items worth over £1100 into school," the insurer says - taking into account top-end trainers, sports equipment and designer specs.
Their top tip? You guessed it: "Make sure the school bag is insured - parents should consider adding 'personal possessions away from the home' cover to their contents insurance".
More "research" out today appears more believable: teachers apparently have Britain's most stressful job, beating doctors and air traffic controllers to the title.
About 40% of people questioned for the research said they thought teachers were under the most stress at work, because they are under pressure to get good exam results, deal with unruly pupils and work long hours.
Firstly, there's a difference between the jobs that people think are stressful and that jobs that really are stressful. Then any remaining credibility collapses when you find out the research is by Leeds-based Waterfall Spa, which reports "more stressed-out women teachers were visiting to help them relax during the school holidays".
There's no doubt teaching is a stressful job but is it any more so than nursing, say, or policing? And, anyway, what teacher's salary can stretch to spa treatments?
Enough of these dodgy surveys. Roll on the end of the silly season and back to some more serious research.
