DEMOLITION DERBIES
Weird Uncle Fiver often talks about the old days as if he can remember things. According to him, there was a time between the 1920s and 1940s when football-loving Mancunians would watch whichever Manchester team happened to be at home on a given Saturday, so would take in United’s match one week and City’s game the next. If half-and-half scarves had been around back then, many chaps would have worn them along with their fedoras and knitted double-breasted sweaters without fear of being abused by Proper Fan fundamentalists on numerous social media abominations.
Those were the days, says Weird Uncle Fiver, pouring wistfully from his hip-flask into his Tin. Divisions hardened thereafter, of course, and by the time the 1970s came round, there was bitterness between even the players of United and City. One clash from 1970 is remembered for a vivisectionist tackle on Glyn Pardoe by the famous hatchetman George Best. And in 1974 a derby had to be temporarily halted by the referee until Lou Macari and Mike Doyle simmered down enough to be able to storm off the pitch after being red carded.
And now here we are in the present, preparing for the 176th Manchester derby and wondering whether United can possibly make things more unpleasant for City than Liverpool did on Wednesday. José Mourinho is capable of trying to spoil the spectacle and maybe of scrounging the draw that would delay City’s title party, but can he go so far as to add to City’s painful week by actually winning at the Etihad? That’s what The Fiver is asking, pouring wistfully from our hip-flask into our Tin.
Did Liverpool teach Mourinho how to beat Guardiola’s team? “No,” answered Mourinho when asked that question by a proper journalist at his press conference on Friday. “No,” answered Mourinho again when asked the same question again in a slightly different way. Canny proper journalists! And canny Guardiola, for when he was asked how City intend to celebrate if they clinch the title against their closest rivals, he resisted giving Mourinho ammunition and replied: “I don’t want to talk about celebrations.”
It could be argued – and therefore will be by The Fiver – that if Guardiola were really canny, he would omit all his first-choice players for Saturday’s match, simultaneously belittling United and resting his key men for Tuesday’s second leg against Liverpool. Maybe he hasn’t thought of that. But Jürgen Klopp’s line-up against Everton in Saturday’s early derby kick-off might just give him the idea.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“EFL regulations do not prohibit the provision of subsistence and as long as the club adopts a consistent approach for all matches, and arrangements are not linked to success on the pitch, the club can continue to make appropriate provision” – an EFL suit serves up an early contender for most needlessly officious statement of the year, which allows (with conditions) Accrington Stanley’s owner to continue buying his team burgers.
THE FIVEЯ
It’s our not-singing, not-dancing Ethics World Cup Fiver. Out every Thursday lunchtime BST.
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FIVER LETTERS
“Exciting footage emerges from South Korea of José Mourinho’s ideal signing” – Stephen Glennon.
“Judging by some Liverpool fans’ reaction to the first leg of Big Cup quarter-final, I expect to soon be hearing the ‘beep beep’ of the reverse alarm as this beauty is backed out of the garage it’s been stored in for the last 11 years” – Gareth Rogers.
“Nice to see the legendary Alan Ball get a mention in yesterday’s Fiver. Alan was a lovely man and due to his voice, even when angry always spoke highly of everyone” – David Hunter.
“Magnificent article on the 1938 Italy team at the World Cup. One minor correction though – the head of Bolognese fascism should actually be Felicity Cloake” – James Maltby.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Stephen Glennon.
THE RECAP
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BITS AND BOBS
Jürgen Klopp has hit out at “idiots” who threw bottles at the Manchester City team bus outside Anfield on Wednesday. “The atmosphere during the game was one of the best I have experienced but these things around it changed my view. It is not OK. It is not how it should have been,” Klopp tutted.
“Where are the doubters? Your lives are run by [various social media disgraces] too much … it’s a small minority.” Is Sam Allardyce unpopular with Everton fans? No, it’s the media who are wrong.
Spurs manager Mauricio Pochettino reckons Daniel Levy’s bumper £6m salary is “very positive news” for the club. “He is my boss and I need to respect everything my boss does,” he straight-batted.
No one on the corner has swagger like us – that’s the message from Phil Neville to his England side, who take on Wales in tonight’s World Cup qualifier.
Stoke’s Saido Berahino is in disciplinary bother once more after turning up late for an under-23 game. The ‘striker’, who last scored in February 2016 and is yet to notch in a Stoke shirt has fallen foul of manager Paul Lambert for his poor time-keeping, and not for the first time.
Kevin De Bruyne says he barely spoke to José Mourinho during their brief time together at Chelsea. “I only spoke with him twice,” moped the silky Belgian. “At the second meeting I just said for me it’s better to go, I want to play football.”
All-time Premier League appearance holder and alleged ‘Cab Four’ member Gareth Barry will miss the rest of West Brom’s season of shame after undergoing an operation on a minor knee problem.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
Start your weekend in style with Football Weekly Extra.
STILL WANT MORE?
It’s the moment one commenter describes as “my first 30 years of supporting Manchester City distilled into three seconds” – Jamie Pollock’s Golden Own Goal, by Will Unwin.
“No disrespect to Cardiff but they probably needed me more than I needed them” – Neil Warnock is in fine form as he chats to Nick Miller.
Antonio Conte’s long goodbye goes on, will there ever be a new manager bounce at West Brom, and eight more things to consider in the Premier League this weekend.
From Denis Law to Yaya Touré, Barry Glendenning savours the cream of Manchester derbies.
Mesut Özil was given a free ride by CSKA Moscow’s geriatric defence during Arsenal’s 4-1 Europa League win, writes Nick Ames.
Speaking of Arsenal, they went down this week. But in which country? Quiz time!
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