Abuse survivor Fiona Doyle has revealed her fear that she won’t be told when her evil father finally dies.
In a wide-ranging exclusive interview with our new podcast series ‘Shattered Lives', Fiona says she needs to watch her predator father Patrick O'Brien's coffin go into the ground - to finally give her closure from a lifetime of abuse.
“There’s still certain things I need and one of them is, when he dies, and I told him this, I told him that I don't care how anybody else feels - I’m going to his funeral.
“I'm going to watch him go into the ground. I need that. I need to see the end of him,” she said.
Fiona, 54, was molested by evil O’Brien as a kid in their Dun Laoghaire home between 1973 and 1982.
O’Brien was found guilty of the rape and sexual abuse of Fiona in a 2013 trial, but was released from prison in 2019 after serving six years of a nine-year sentence.
And Fiona now says she fears there are people out there who are close to the monster, who will try and keep his death and funeral a secret from her.
She said: “Now where he is now I'm not going to be notified because he doesn't want me notified and family members don't want me notified because they don't want me being there.
“And I desperately need that. My fear is that is going to be taken from me, for what I need to progress.”
In our extensive interview, which is available to hear fully online and below, Fiona also talks about going through the trial and finally getting justice with the jailing of her father in 2013.
“This whole experience, from the very beginning to the very end is therapeutic. It might not seem that way to other people," she said.
“But everything I’ve done on this journey, from confronting him to getting justice, it’s all been therapeutic and it’s all helped me to move forward.”
And in giving advice to other victims of abuse, Fiona says having the courage to stand up to your abuser and trying to get justice is a freeing feeling.
“Nothing can be worse than the actual abuse itself. Abuse victims don’t see their own strength.
“Even when I confronted him, I knew myself -nothing can be worse than what you already did to me. I hung onto that with dear life.
“No abuse victim realises that’s inside them. Another thing was the day I walked out of court - the fact that I stood up for myself, I felt superhuman.
“I proved I was telling the truth and just to do that was huge."
Fiona also speaks about the justice system letting her down, and how she is continuing to take a case against the HSE and An Garda Siochana, for what she claims were failures by the State to adequately investigate her abuse years before.
“[The justice system] is still letting me down. I’m in the process now of taking a case against the guards and the HSE because I need people held accountable for letting me down and not doing their job.
“I did go to the guards in the 90s. I did report him to people and I was let down, and that’s huge."
The High Court case has not yet been scheduled. However, in defence papers seen by the Irish Mirror, An Garda Siochana claims it conducted “extensive searches for any records of a complaint of sexual abuse” made to them by Fiona in the 1990s - and found none.
It also categorically denies in the documents that Fiona was “visited by members of An Garda Siochana and/or provided the members with a detailed statement,” and refutes claims that her father, who was eventually found guilty of her rape and sexual abuse, was interviewed at this time.
But in our interview, Fiona says that is contradicted by her own father - who she says told gardai during his arrest about the previous time he had been interviewed in the 1990s.
Fiona also explores what she says are fundamental flaws in the Irish justice system, when it comes to handling rape cases and child predators in general.
“I remember there was a lot of arguments around his health and could the prison cope with his issues. I remember thinking his health wasn't an issue when he was sexually abusing me,” she said.
“None of that should have been an issue. We need mandatory sentencing in this country. The judges need a guideline.
“I don’t think there should be any suspended sentence for rape or abuse."
Fiona also believes the Sex Offenders' Register should be made public - or paedophiles should be tagged.
She said: “I have an issue with the fact that the register is not public so I don't know where he is now.
“Knowing where he is is something that is needed to make me feel safe and secure
“There's so much that needs to be looked into and so much that needs to be overhauled
“If they were tagged the guards wouldn't have to rely on the actual offender - they would have their own system to rely on."
The interview also explores Fiona’s long battle to get justice, and how she believes her father ultimately pleaded guilty to spare himself the embarrassment in court of some of the more harrowing and vile things he did to her.
And she speaks about losing family and friends over her quest for justice - but how life has changed for the better nonetheless.
She also speaks about how she believes the justice system is weighted heavily against a sexual assault victim, and what she believes can be done to fix that.
Shattered Lives is available now on Spotify, TuneIn, Google Podcasts and Deezer.
