When it comes to life in lockdown, Peter Crouch and Abbey Clancey would be the first to admit they have been stockpiling.
Not loo rolls and pasta, but loads of love and laughter.
Because in these social-distancing times, the former footballer turned BBC Radio Five Live podcast funnyman and his model wife have revealed they’ve become even closer than ever.
Holed up with their four “feral” kids in their Surrey mansion, Abbey, 34, says lockdown has made her fall in love with ex-England ace Peter, 39, all over again.
“I couldn’t live without Pete,” she says, during a live Instagram chat with Love Magazine.
“God, I feel a bit emotional – I feel like he’s part of me, especially having the kids as well. It feels like our world, and that’s love to me – and I am always laughing.”
Peter, who fell for Abbey 14 years ago, adds: “I’ve found out in this lockdown what’s important. You realise the only people you’ve got are your family – and that’s all that matters.
“That sort of love to me is having everyone around me. Happiness definitely starts at home.”
It’s touching stuff – but then the 6ft 7in striker, who bagged 108 Premier League goals with a string of clubs from Liverpool to Stoke, gets back to what he does best nowadays – nodding home wisecracks with that sense of fun that runs through their love match.
Asked what he likes 34-year-old Abbey to wear, he says: “As little as possible.” One-nil.
Abbey responds: “I know he doesn’t like my favourite item of clothing, which is my fleece dressing gown. He absolutely hates it.”
Then Peter, 39, bangs in another winner: “It’s like having a Porsche in the garage and never seeing it.
She’ll go on a shoot and I’ll look at the pictures and go, ‘Oh my God, she looks incredible!’
“And then she gets back home, takes her make-up off and puts on the bloody fleece dressing gown.”
But it’s not all one-way traffic in this ding-dong giggles game.
When the light-hearted chat turns to Abbey’s choice of who would play her in a film of their lives, she says: “I’d like 80s Goldie Hawn to play me, love her. I just think, nothing better.”
Then she adds: “Maybe Rodney from Only Fools and Horses for Pete.”
Back of the net. Stunned Crouchy protests as if to a referee: “I was going to say Bridget Bardot or someone amazing for Abbey, but she’s gone for Rodney for me, I can’t believe it.”
Then Abbey starts fantasising about her favourite screen heart-throb, saying: “Has to be Jack Dawson in Titanic. I love Leonardo DiCaprio.”
Peter tackles that with: “I think she’d trade me in for Leo.” Er, that’s offside. They both know she wouldn’t.
The pair met in 2006 in a Liverpool bar, when Peter, born in Macclesfield and raised in London via Singapore, was playing for the Reds.
Liverpudlian Abbey was then competing in Britain’s Next Top Model.
“I saw Pete and I knew he was the one for me,” she tells Love Mag, while Peter admits he thought she was out of his league.
They’ve been inseparable ever since, marrying in June 2011, and going on to have Sophia, nine, Liberty, who turns six tomorrow, Johnny, two, and Jack, nearly one.
And while their famous parents are taking looking after their children in lockdown in their stride – they do admit they both have annoying habits.
Peter insists Abbey is a hypochondriac, not an easy thing to be in these current times. “If someone’s got a cold or a sneeze, she’s googling what it could be – and they’re all worst-case scenarios,” he says.
“It’s hard to constantly deal with, ‘Oh she’s got this, he’s got that, you’ve got that.’ It’s from a good place, but the worrying is out of control at times.”
Abbey, whose pet names for Peter include P, Pedro and Ped, scores an equaliser over her husband’s infuriating untidiness. And he agrees, recalling the one time he got away with it.
“When Ab was pregnant with Jack, I took the girls away on my own – it was the first time we’d done it,” he says.
“Usually Ab is military with the cases and everything has to be packed a certain way. I think the girls quite enjoyed that everything we took off in the evening we threw in the corner and all had our own piles.
“By the end of the holiday, the piles were so high because we were wearing new things each day. We all just threw them in our own cases.”
Abbey groans: “He sent me a picture! I actually thought I was going to go into labour with the stress of it.”
The fun is soon flowing again when they chat about how they’ve kept themselves occupied in lockdown.
Both decided they’d like to learn a second language, while Peter tried to teach himself to play the piano – driving his wife mad in the process.
“I would love to be fluent in another language,” says Abbey. “I’ve got a little bit of Spanish, a little bit of French but that’s something I will continue with.”
Peter agrees. “That’s something I’d like,” he says. “But I’d also like to play an instrument like the piano. You know when you’re at a party and you can just stroll over and play it.
“That would be epic. I tried to learn. We’ve got a piano here and I’ve played Let It Be… but I was doing Ab’s head in.” Abbey sighs.
“He was just playing the first line of Let It Be for like FIVE HOURS. That’s it. I was like, ‘shut up!’” Peter concedes: “It was doing no one any favours, so I gave up.”
Must have been hard – because giving up was never on his agenda as a tough striker to play against in a career that saw him pick up 42 England caps.
Peter admits the only times he came close to shedding a tear were his FA Cup win with Liverpool in 2006 and when he retired.
But Abbey didn’t share the emotion. “She didn’t give a toss, really,” says Peter. Abbey confesses: “I hate football.
Once he scored a hat-trick but I’d left my seat early to get to the buffet first. Everyone’s like, ‘Oh my God, did you see Pete’s amazing hat trick?’”.
“I was like, ‘Oh yeah, so good’… and I was first to the vol-au-vents.”
Peter has to accept it’s a cracking finish. And that was full time on this match of the day.
Let’s call it a thrilling draw.
