ICI C’EST LE FIVER
The Fiver is not one to wallow in nostalgia unless it’s spillage from last night’s Tin. But on Wednesday we did find ourselves pining for the days when Parisians were impressed by no one but themselves, and would greet newcomers to their city with a sniff and a subtle but emphatic shooing motion. OK, maybe that was just for The Fiver, which is nothing if not an unkempt vagabond, but still, there was definitely something undignified about the way many Parisians abandoned all decorum as they welcomed Lionel Messi to the French capital for his official introduction.
Hundreds of fans assembled outside the stadium to stare at walls while singing songs of praise to the Argentinian maestro, while inside PSG set the tone by beginning their coverage of “the first unveiling in Messi’s history” an hour before the event. At one point the camera focused on the door out of which Messi would walk on his way to the auditorium, prompting the presenter to gush: “We will be able to listen to his footsteps!” Another presenter nearly swooned as she contemplated the “love story between PSG and Messi”, which, in fairness, is one way to describe a whirlwind relationship sealed by nearly 30 million kisses per year.
PSG’s top blazer gave a warm welcome to the mention of money, praising a BBC journalist for asking “a very great question” when she inquired about how the club can pay Messi’s salary, on top of those of all their other lavishly remunerated stars, while complying with financial fair play regulations. “We have always followed FFP regulations from day one and we always will,” insisted Nasser Al-Khelaifi – PSG president and Uefa executive committee member - before suggesting Messi will effectively pay for himself, at least partly, by attracting commercial partners and social media likes. The Fiver knows nothing of such concepts but would be interested to get a breakdown of the figures. Come to think of it, it’d also be intrigued to see evidence for Khelaifi’s subsequent assertion that Mauricio Pochettino is “the best coach in the world”.
In fairness, the excitement was getting to everyone – even Messi described the prospect of him linking up with Neymar and Kylian Mbappé as “madness”. Khelaifi then took the opportunity to tell Mbappé that the prospect of being part of the Eminem strikeforce should convince him to sign a new contract with the club, warning: “Now he has no excuse to do anything else.” All in all, Messi cut a very different figure to the forlorn patsy who, just three days ago, sobbed at Barcelona’s inability to keep shovelling money into his account. He aired his “immense happiness” at joining PSG, declaring that the team had world class players in every position, and on a day when even the understatements were over the top, Messi said: “I’ve come to add my two pennies’ worth.”
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“If I get the best out of him this season, I think it will be very difficult for us to keep hold of him. I am sure there will be Premier League teams knocking at the door trying to get him” – Wayne Rooney predicts his own coaching skills are going to be so good that he’ll have to beat off suitors for Ravel Morrison, who scored on his debut as Derby Rooneyballed their way to a Milk Cup win on penalties over Salford.
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FIVER LETTERS
“Re: Gerry Rickard’s letter [Yesterday’s Fiver] regarding the ‘Lionel Itchy’ missed opportunity. When Manchester United released Quinton Fortune, I was eager for the South African midfielder to become a target for numerous clubs before settling on a move to Sheffield United, thereby teeing up the headline “Fortune Favours The Blades”. This didn’t happen. Have any other readers constructed amusing headlines that have never seen the light of day due to events not unfolding as they might have wished?” – Andy Korman.
“How do you say ‘thank you very much’ in Parisian football slang? Messi beaucoup?” – Peter Oh.
“I finally followed your link and read Big Website’s comprehensive list of summer transfers from Europe’s top five leagues. While I appreciated your summary of certain major moves (Tuesday’s Fiver), how could you have missed reporting on Lokomotiv Moscow’s acquisition, from Bayer Leverkusen, of defender Tin Jedvaj? Moreover, why didn’t you buy Jedvaj yourselves? I don’t know what the transfer budget is at Fiver Towers FC, but I’d have thought that Tin would have filled most of your squad’s pressing needs” – R Reisman.
“I see on Big Website that ‘Ronald Koeman is now short of striking options with Martin Braithwaite, Antoine Griezmann and Memphis Depay his only available forwards’. Slavisa Jokanovic must relate, having only Lys Mousset, Rhian Brewster, Ollie McBurnie, Ollie Burke, David McGoldrick and Billy Sharp available …” – Trevor Townson.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’ the day is … R Reisman.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Fans found to be engaging in racist abuse will be banned from all Premier League grounds this season, the league has warned.
Visiting supporters will not be allowed to travel to next month’s internationals due to coronavirus concerns, Fifa and Uefa suits have jointly confirmed.
Dawn Scott is to leave her role as the FA’s senior women’s physical performance manager after nine years.
There’ll be no more Big Cup football for $tevie Mbe this season after the Pope’s Newc O’Rangers were torpedoed from the competition at the third qualifying round by 10-man Malmö. “We’ve got the second-half performance wrong and that’s on all of us,” sighed Mbe, spreading the blame.
And Tommy T has told Tammy Abraham it’s up to him if he wants to do one from Chelsea. “He was clearly not happy with the last half-year,” shrugged the Blues boss.
STILL WANT MORE?
More prime Messi content: Fabrizio Romano has the inside gen on how PSG pulled off the deal, while Sid Lowe reflects on his phenomenal career at Barcelona and the gaping void he leaves.
This week’s Knowledge asks which clubs have faced all 92 English league clubs competitively and has more on horses named after footballers.
In our latest Premier League previews, Paul MacInnes wonders whether Norwich can finally stop yo-yoing, while Ben Fisher looks at how Southampton might cope without Danny Ings.
Trains, chants and greasy spoons: the joys of being an away fan will soon be back, whoops Pete May.
It’s Ewan Murray on the malaise at O’Rangers.
Today’s Rumour Mill churns out some speculation about where various PSG players sent scattering to all corners by Lionel Messi’s arrival might end up. Herrera to Man Utd anyone?
Catch up with the latest moves in our women’s and men’s transfer interactives.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
