The new rock and roll ... Photograph: David Sillitoe
So you all know what bands get up to on the road, right? It's an endless onslaught of free booze, one-night stands and as many mind-bending narcotics as you can cram in your right arm. It's like an Around The World cruise only some record label monkey's paying for it. It's heaven on earth, and it definitely doesn't involve waiting to soundcheck for three hours whilst eating a soggy Ginsters scotch egg.
Well according to the majority of the music press, that's the picture (it is, after all, in their interest to make this rock'n'pop lark look like a lot of fun). But thanks to the increasing numbers of musicians blogging, these myths will soon be a thing of the past. People will realise that touring actually involves being bored, miserable and freezing. It won't be long before wannabe rockstars will be looking towards more glamorous occupations like, ooh, selling motor insurance or something.
Here's the sweet lowdown from one great rock'n'roller ...
"On this tour, without a support act, I am performing two sets of about an hour each, broken by a 20 minute interval. The theatre management are very particular about exactly when I take the break, as a disaster occurred here recently when another act did an over-long first half and, as a result, all the ice-cream waiting to be sold in the foyer melted."
Yes, that's right, Billy Bragg has been touring the UK and the spirit of Keith Moon couldn't be further from the building. But if you thought melting Strawberry Splits were as unglamorous as it gets, did you know that Adriano from this year's hippest band CSS is addicted to PSP games and spends his downtime listening to You Can Call Me Al? Or that Snow Patrol's Gary Lightbody's life is so cool right now he's almost too cold to type...
"so portland is cold. cold as hell. hell seeming to fluctuate in temperature depending on who you ask... it's about freezing and that's cold enough for me. i went in search of a bookstore and record shop as i've been wide awake due to jet lag since six this morning and there's only so much pottering in my hotel i can take without going insane."
On a more serious note, I chanced upon The Coup's Myspace blog this week only to discover ...
"a big bump, then another, then plummeting down as we tipped over to the left. I was sitting in the diner-like booth that many of these buses have in the front. I held on to the table with one hand and tried to guard my head with the other, all the while thinking that I was probably about to die. I don't remember seeing everyone flying and flipping around me as it was happening, but Carter's (the road manager) and Wiz's face were covered in blood, and everybody seemed to be laying around hurt. The bus was on it's side, with the entrance door up."
Many of the band suffered injuries - from punctured lungs to broken noses. Their van exploded and all their possessions and equipment has been lost. Basically, the band are broke and in trouble, which is why they're appealing for donations. If you're a fan or just want to help out, head to myspace.com/thecoup.
Not wanting to leave this blog on such a sombre note, I'll leave you (especially those who doubt the internet community's generosity) with a heartwarming tale. Last year my friend, the rather fabulous band photographer Andrew Kendall, was mugged in Stoke Newington. He lost his camera and was met with an insurance company who refused to cough up on some spurious technicality.
Luckily, Andrew's a bit of a web guru and has a network of online fans and friends that could make Fall Out Boy green with envy. He spread the word and asked if they'd consider buying his prints in his time of need. He is now the proud owner of a new camera. Now that's what I call community.
