HERE WE CRO AGAIN
As we watched joyous fans smash up ambulances, thrash furniture stores of Swedish origin and jump through bus shelters on Saturday, The Fiver couldn’t help but bask in the warm fuzzy glow of wellbeing and bonhomie that has enveloped the country in the wake of England’s Ethics World Cup quarter-final win against Sweden. Goals from Harry Maguire and Dele Alli were enough to book Gareth Southgate’s side a semi-final berth against Croatia on Wednesday night, a state of affairs few saw coming when news that the waistcoat-wearing saint had got the England job was greeted by a nationwide shoulder-shrug and accompanying “meh!” less than two years ago.
That was then and this is now, however, and Southgate, a man so nice he insists on helping old ladies to cross the road whether they want to get to the other side or not, has been tasked with bringing football home. It’s a big ask, although the World Cup FiveЯ suspects that even if it ends up heading to Croatia, France or Belgium instead, “Nord” and his players have already done enough to cement their reputation as England football legends … at least until they lose against Switzerland in the post-World Cup friendly scheduled for Leicester’s King Power Stadium in September.
For now, though, England fans are daring to dream and those lucky enough to be in Samara on Saturday serenaded their unlikely hero with a reworked version of Atomic Kitten’s Whole Again, while like-minded individuals at home caroused into the small hours, recalling that tackle by Moore and when Lineker scored, Bobby belting the ball and Nobby dancing. “The fans have paid a lot,” said Southgate in the wake of England’s win. “They have come a long way and to be able to connect with them … I’d love to be able to do it with the however many millions who are watching at home but the supporters who are here, they’re singing, and I know what they’ve been through.”
Following a recovery session involving ice-baths, a sweat in the sauna, some pilates and the customary post-match ride on inflatable unicorns, England’s players enjoyed some downtime with their families in Repino before they packing their bags and heading to Moscow for Wednesday’s showdown against Croatia. It has been confirmed that England’s players will wear all white in the semi-final and their opponents, needless to say, are terrified. “They are looking strong as a team,” said Luka Modric of England’s brave boys. “I don’t know if there is a different mentality but it seems that they are more like a team. They have this togetherness that is very important to have success.” In an attempt to unsettle England, Modric went on to regale reporters with a hilarious anecdote about his time at Spurs with a young Harry Kane. “I actually remember one story about him,” he told his rapt audience, who sat with mouths agape and pens poised. “But I will keep it to myself.” Gah!
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“Joe was a credit to himself, his cricket club and his community yesterday. Great to see him back on the cricket field enjoying the game surrounded by his friends and family” – Knowle Cricket Club bowler Chris Cheslin praises Shrewsbury’s No 9 batsman, erm, Joe Hart, who scored six runs runs and took a catch (his first in quite some time) in Saturday’s Birmingham League Premier Division win while England were booking their place in the Ethics World Cup semi-finals.
SUPPORT THE GUARDIAN
Producing the Guardian’s thoughtful, in-depth journalism [the stuff not normally found in this email, obviously – Fiver Ed] is expensive, but supporting us isn’t. If you value our journalism, please support us. In return we can hopefully arm you with the kind of knowledge that makes you sound slightly less uninformed during those hot reactive gegenpress chats you so enjoy. And if you think what we do is enjoyable [again, etc and so on – Fiver Ed], please help us keep coming back here to give you more of the same.
FIVEЯ LETTERS
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our letter o’the day and, with it, a copy of World Cup Nuggets by Richard Foster is … Rollover.
BITS AND BOBS
Luis Enrique has leapt into the Fernando Hierro-shaped hole in the Spain dug-out. “The decision to appoint Luis Enrique was unanimous. We liked his commitment and he has turned down better paid jobs to coach the Spanish national team,” blathered SFF chief suit and Willy Caballero lookalike, Luis Rubiales.
Man who is under contract to do job, turns up to do job.
Pimm’s-supping Wimbledon suits will resolutely continue to pretend that football doesn’t exist and stage the men’s singles final at 2pm on Sunday even if England get to the World Cup final, which they won’t. “We have said for a couple of years that the final will be played at 2pm, as it is every year,” growled All England Tennis Club gaffer Richard Lewis. “The wi-fi worked brilliantly, that’s an indication we are supporting it, we’re not turning the strength of the signal down.”
A Kremlin stooge has insisted that Vlad ‘The Lad’ Putin is no less of a Russian ultra despite choosing to only bother to turn up for the opening match. “The fact that the president did not attend the matches does not mean he was not passionately supporting our players,” belched Dmitry Peskov.
And because transfers stopped making sense about a quarter of a century ago, Brazil’s Paulinho has rejoined Guangzhou Evergrande on loan from Barcelona despite having only signed for La Liga’s champions 11 months ago for 35 million fat ones. “I chose to return to the Super League this time, hoping to bring more championships to Guangzhou and Guangzhou fans,” cheered the midfielder. “I also hope to give the Super League more excitement!”
STILL WANT MORE?
Bobby M and #garethsouthgatewould were too naive for the Premier League but look at them now, beams Paul Wilson.
Southgate stands on the verge of history – and the England boss has his roaring Three Lions dreaming big, muses Daniel Taylor.
Jordan Henderson embodies England’s fighting spirit in Russia, so says Dominic Fifield.
Luka Modric is looking forward to the big game on Wednesday – but wishes he was facing the Class of 2007 and not this fearless mob, writes David Hytner.
No goals? No problem. That’s the message for Olivier Giroud, via Stuart James.
He has won 123 caps for France and a couple of trophies to boot – but Belgium coach Thierry Henry will be sat in the opposite dug-out on Tuesday night, soothes Kristof Terreur.
And once he reaches the end of the road in Russia, is Eden Hazard heading to Real Madrid. That and much more juicy tittle-tattle, in today’s Rumour Mill.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
