I retired three months ago from private service. So did my father 34 years ago from government service.
I spend about four hours a day, in two separate sessions, with my father simply sitting alongside him, reading a book. In silent communication with him as at 94, he is experiencing dementia, diminishing sight and hearing. A luxury which I couldn’t afford during my working days. A gentle tap on his lap with a gesture asking how he is doing. Get a thumbs up from him as a reply. He will be talking to himself in a silent mode, constantly processing varied thoughts in his mind. Another soft tap on his lap this time asking what he is doing. Get a shake of his head indicating nothing. He continues with his rituals.
Occasionally, the silence is broken with a sudden question from him.
“Why are you sitting here, no office?”
“I have retired.”
He would express shock by covering his mouth with his palms… “So soon, I thought you are only 45…”
After a moment, as a result of further process of information, he asks, “Do you get pension?”
“No”
Another expression of shock with the same gesture followed by a series of questions “How come....did you at least get a lumpsum? Will you be at home all the time? Are you free to take up any other job? I reply, “Yes,” to each one of those questions. He nods and ends with an advice, “Regularly chant prayers and visit temple once a day.”
I thought that was a one-off conversation. But it happens every day, we play the same script afresh. It is now programmed.
At times to avoid boredom, I take him near the TV and switch on a channel that shows old English movies. He would spot Humphrey Bogart, Vivien Leigh, Charlie Chaplin, Ingrid Bergman and many others quickly, recollecting scenes, going down memory lane 60 years, his beaming face telling its own story.
Another sudden question from him.
“Did you have lunch?”
“Yes, with you an hour ago.”
Sixty years are shorter and fresher than 60 minutes.
I got reflective, with several questions cropping up in my mind: how would I behave at that age, will I survive another 33 years, can I influence the thoughts to-be now...?
As I struggled, I was recalling these moments during a dinner session with my wife and children. My son indicated that he had been observing me for the past three months with strikingly similar symptoms.
A wake-up call! Oh, not so soon, or may be soon.
Back to the drawing board with a pen and a paper to chalk out a post-retirement routine checklist — wake-up early, tennis, prayers, crossword, reading, part-time consulting, bridge and so on
Regardless of the checklist, live and enjoy the present moment as it unfolds.
