I’ll be honest, I didn’t have any sort of thank you speech prepared for easing out of lockdown because, let’s be real, most of it hasn’t made me feel that thankful. Like 25 million others, this whole pandemic has played havoc with my anxiety.
First, I’d like to thank my husband, Dave, for not divorcing me yet and for turning a blind eye to the amount of Giant Buttons I’ve put away. A small degree of thanks goes to Daphne, our five-year-old, for continuing to refuse to brush her teeth, get dressed, tidy up or go to bed – consistency is key in times of trouble, after all.
But on reflection, I’d really like to take this opportunity to thank the technology that has seen me through what has been, overall, a pretty wretched time. Obviously none of this over the past quarter of a year – QUARTER OF A YEAR! – would have been possible without our heavenly Lord crisps and dip, but my real saviour since we went into lockdown back in March has been a collection of vital apps on my phone and laptop.
So my first big nod of gratitude goes to those apps on my devices that have kept me connected with the people I’ve sorely missed. I couldn’t have made it through without Houseparty and Zoom, which have allowed me to check in with my solo-isolating mother 200 miles away, pretend to be fully dressed during important work meetings and hang out with my entire international friendship group for weekly quizzes.
The quizzes, oh the endless quizzes. They’ve encouraged me to dig deep and stay connected with my favourite people, dressing up as Tiger King’s Joe Exotic and Queen Elizabeth I on nights where, if I’m really honest, I would have preferred to have pulled on pyjamas, closed my eyes tight and shut out the world. Without staying so connected to my friends – my lifeline – I most certainly would have felt much more lonely. I also wouldn’t have had to repaint the ceilings and walls of the entire downstairs when I flooded the house after one especially drunken quiz night but, you know, swings and roundabouts.
WhatsApp voice notes, now there’s something I never thought I’d be using on a daily basis, but here we are. Daily voice note ping-pong with my best friends Duncan in Spain and Charlie in Germany (my trips to see them had to be cancelled, screw you Covid-19) have served as a vital daily pick-me-up, especially as a gin at 9am, it turns out, is not so helpful with home schooling.
Oh, yes, hi there home schooling! It sounds an exaggeration, but I wouldn’t be here with any degree of sanity today if it wasn’t for the Reading Eggs and Mathseeds apps that have been the only way to get Daphne to do anything remotely educational. No, truly. Making her sit and do reading and sums that the teacher has Google classroomed was making us both cry desperate tears, but an app where she can do exactly the same lessons and earn acorns to “spend” on a tasseled bikini for a virtual rabbit? Dry eyes all round.
Yoga has been brought to my attention during lockdown in a way I never thought it would before. As in, I’m doing it. So a special thank you goes to the unlimited data that has given me access to a whole host of body bending YouTube tutorials I can rely on even when I’m doing my official exercise in the park. I’m told that my thoracic range has never looked so good.
Oh, and a huge heartfelt shout out to the Calm app I downloaded during an early wave of lockdown anxiety, that has since held my hand through these tricky months, coaching me on how to slow the mind and body down for just 10 minutes. Taking a walk with calmness coming through my headphones – unlimited data takes the stress out of it – gives me a proper breather.
Finally, there’s been the much-needed end-of-the-day oh-God-what-else-is-there-left? entertainment to pay tribute to. Cbeebies Playtime Island and Disney+, what can I say? You’ve given us just enough child-free time to sink a G&T and a packet of Scampi Fries uninterrupted on a Friday evening. And BBC iPlayer? Here’s looking at you for gifting me some late-night alone time to really digest Connell and Marianne’s relationship. It’s been emotional, on so many levels.
Reflecting now, as I’m sure we all are, on the coming months and how one plans to move on from the changes in our lives brought about during this global pandemic, I’m seeing Instagram declarations from those pledging not to “go back to the way we were”, but instead carry some of their new practices and ways of living their lives forward. So I’m taking the calming apps, the friendship hook-up hacks, the body bending workouts, the best friend shout-outs, the educational tools and the classic Disney jewels all forward with me. And, of course, the Giant Buttons.
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