It is described, perversely, as a team-building exercise; it is reported that, as a forfeit for missing their weekly sales targets, staff at Central Claims Group – a call centre – in Bury are made to lie down on the floor while a good-sized squid is placed, or dropped, on their faces. It could be worse – it’s not a live squid, so it can’t sucker itself on to your mouth and nose, and it’s raw, so at least you know it hasn’t been overcooked. As an employment policy, it sits somewhere between a ritual humiliation and a stupid waste of everyone’s time.Managers at Central Claims Group are at pains to point out that such forfeits are chosen by staff with the highest sales figures, and that everybody has consented to the punishment beforehand, but it is certainly a questionable workplace practice. Sadly, this is not an isolated exercise. Weird workplace punishments have a long and chequered history.
Human cockfight. As part of a class action suit launched last year against the Australian fundraising company Appco, it was alleged that underperforming employees – in this case, chuggers – were obliged to square off on their knees at morning meetings, with their arms tied behind their backs, and peck one another into submission. This was one of a number of alleged regular rituals that ranged from “sluggie races” (squirming across the office carpet on one’s back, like a slug), to having a cigarette shoved up your bum. But hey, it’s for charity. Appco are contesting this.
Aeroplane carry on. As part of an initiation to commemorate 30 hours of air service, a member of the cabin staff working for Kunming airline in China was briefly shut inside an overhead plane locker. It is not clear from the pictures whether she minded, but unlike a lot of carry-on luggage, she appeared to fit without any problem.
Toilet tax. A Welsh call centre decided to disincentivise staff from going to the loo by charging them. In 2014, one employee reported to his MP that the company had logged every single one of his toilet breaks over a month. He ended up spending considerably more than a penny – they docked £50 from his pay.
Drying out. According to Gary Neville’s autobiography Red, it was not uncommon for new signings to Manchester United to be chucked into a moving tumble dryer by way of inculcating team spirit. Some initiates were also required to make love to a life-size pinup of right-back Clayton Blackmore, while the real Blackmore sat in the dressing room. That’s probably the better way round, when you think about it.
