THE END IS UNAI
Good evening! The Unai Emery era is over at Arsenal and well, it was something. If you were feeling generous, you could call it a microcosm of the Wenger Years – pride, passion and excitement giving way to that familiar, almost comforting void. Dysfunction, disconnection and at home, an atmosphere icier than a Tory candidate at a climate emergency debate (that’s right, The Fiver is Doing Political Satire now).
Another way to look at it is that Emery, a manager considered competent enough to lead the club through the transitional post-Wenger period, has instead crashed and burned inside 18 months. Arsenal haven’t won a game in five weeks. Big Vase defeat to Eintracht Frankfurt in front of approximately 1,057 fans on Thursday proved the final straw, with an utterly inevitable 3-2 defeat at Norwich due on Sunday afternoon.
Oh Unai! Big Vase ought to have been a banker; the Spaniard’s remarkable success in the tournament a reliable barometer of his second-tier status as a manager. At least he can spend more time steadying the ship at the Bureau, as Arsenal go for an interim crowd-pleasing former undercrackers pedlar in Freddie Ljungberg. With Ian Wright otherwise engaged, Ljungberg has edged out Nick Hornby, Heavy D and Gunnersaurus to get the gig, starting with an utterly inevitable 3-2 win at Carrow Road.
With Emery joining Mauricio Pochettino on the Do One Express coach out of north London, The Fiver is left wondering if the era of the urbane, continental Premier League manager is over. Marco Silva and Manuel Pellegrini may not last the weekend, while Brendan Rodgers, Chris Wilder and Sean Dyche are all riding high. If Arsenal are to appoint an Invincible long-term, they really ought to buy British. Sol Campbell, who has one win in seven games so far at Southend, should be available soon.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“I think there’s a lot to be said for, probably from my side, if you’re happy in the environment you are in and you are trusted by very good people above you and the conditions are right for you to do your best work, then that is worth so much. I think that would probably be a bigger thing for me than anything else” – Bournemouth’s Eddie Howe gets his chat on with Ben Fisher about his future and piano lessons.
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FIVER LETTERS
“With reference to yesterday’s Bits and Bobs and the praise-singing of Callum Hynes, by Humility Man™, does posterity record whether Michael Laudrup was as fulsome in his gratitude, to self-styled ‘King of all the Ball Boys’, Charlie Morgan, in 2013, for his actions which may have helped in Swansea’s successful tilt at the Milk Cup?” – Budgie Wright.
“Re: Matt Dony’s generous offer of his Fiver prize (yesterday’s Fiver letters). I’ve waited to take him up on Black Friday, when his quoted price will surely tumble down” – Marc Meldrum.
“Poor old Nick Jeffrey, ‘having your tea-timely nonsense forced into our inboxes for so long’ (yesterday’s letters). He must never have made it as far as the Unsubscribe button at the end of the page. I just tested it and there’s not even an ‘Are you sure?’ option. One click and you’re gone. I still won’t be surprised if The Fiver arrives today. And early, it being a Friday” – Peter McHugh.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our letter o’the day is … Peter McHugh, who bags a copy of Bottled. We’ve got more prizes to give away, so get scribbling.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
David Pemsel has resigned from his role as Premier League chief executive, a position he was due to take up in February.
Fifa has banned former Brazil confederation president Ricardo Teixeira for life and dished out a $1m fine after finding him guilty of bribery.
West Ham have collaborated with Iron Maiden on a new kit: Die With Your Boots On. “Iron Maiden are a huge icon back home in South America,” cheered Pablo Zabaleta.
Charlton look set to finally get shot of Roland Duchâtelet after he agreed to sell his stake in the club to East Street Investments.
And Liverpool have announced plans for a £60m expansion of the Anfield Road stand that will raise their capacity above 61,000. Meanwhile, Fabinho faces more than a month on the sidelines with ankle-knack. “Absolute bad news,” tooted Jürgen Klopp.
STILL WANT MORE?
“Only a miracle can save Emery now”, and nine other, hopefully-not-already-looking-daft, things to look out for in the Premier League this weekend.
Before Saturday’s draw and associated pre-draw entertainments, your team-by-team guide to the 20 qualified nations.
Erasure frontman … no, Hurricane #1 guitarist Chichester City chairman Andy Bell talks to Will Unwin about being the lowest-ranked team still in the FA Cup and making history: “It could be for the furthest we’ve ever gone or for the biggest defeat the club have ever had.”
Richard Foster asks: are supporter liaison officers working for fans?
What links James Rodríguez, Alfredo Morelos and Dwight Gayle? Today’s Mill.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
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It’s David Squires on … Humility Man™. And you can buy a copy of it right here.
