FIRM FRIENDS
I think [the Queen’s] Celtic are very lucky to have a manager with the qualities of Brendan Rodgers. Luis Suárez was a really good player when he went to Liverpool but I believe Brendan gave him great coaching, guidance and advice and made him a better player and a better person … [The Queen’s] Celtic have a good reputation around the world – and have a good manager.
If you’d put that quote in front of The Fiver and asked us which sage of the game said it, we wouldn’t let you finish the question before we answered, as quick as we could: “Well, Brendan, obviously.” Brendan does enjoy discussing Brendan, whether that’s to clarify who is trained and who is educated (dogs the former, players the latter), what were his favourite smells when he went running in Liverpool (mince) or the identity of the greatest influence on himself (himself). This sounds like classic Brendan on Brendan.
But no. It was Pelé. Yer actual Pelé. The real, bona fide, bestest player ever, plenty o’ World Cup-winning, gentleman’s-problems salesman Pelé. Now, granted, Pelé is a fairly pliable chap. He will happily endorse whatever is put in front of him to endorse. You’re in England, he’ll tell you England is the greatest place in the world. You’re sitting in a Fiat Punto, he’ll tell you Fiat Puntos are the greatest cars in the world. You hand him a foaming pint of Tin, he’ll tell you Tin is the greatest drink in the world. But still, if Pelé says you’re good, you’ll smile brightly and dazzle everyone within a six-mile radius with those astoundingly white teeth of yours, emboldened by that nice-sounding but completely meaningless testimonial.
This is, presumably, just the sort of pep-up Brendan needs before this weekend’s big one, for on Saturday lunchtime he takes charge of his Queen’s Celtic side as they face the Pope’s Newc O’Rangers. Keen fitba followers will know that this is the first time Queen’s and the Pope’s have faced each other in a league fixture since O’Rangers were told to go away for a long time and think about what they’d done. Or “were technically disbanded and had to start again from the bottom division”, if you prefer. But now they’re back, back, back, and they’re badder than ever. Well, they’re back, at least. It’s typically a rather spicy affair, dogs and cats fighting, scrapping over some long-past disagreement they probably can’t even remember themselves. But perhaps this is the chance these auld rivals have been waiting for to just make friends. Why fight, after all? It’s a mixed-up, muddled-up, shook-up world out there, so what better for wonderful global harmony than if they joined hands and stopped being so beastly to each other?
After all, they’re not so different, really. Both have gaffe-prone former Arsenal defenders [check this – Fiver Tautology Ed] in Kolo Touré and Philippe Senderos. Both have midfield snappers that you’d hesitate before taking home to meet your mother in Scott Brown and Joey Barton. And ultimately both, secretly, although they’re too bashful to actually say it, if they’re honest, have really, really, really missed each other. When you look at it that way, the only way this can end is for everyone to finish the game with a big, warm, mass embrace. So tune in on Saturday for what is shaping up to be one big love-in, complete with cuddles and hugs. Lovely.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“We want to put a bit of morality back into football if you like. The power shift has been quite noticeable, the player and agent are now holding clubs to ransom” – Mr, er, 5%? Matt Le Tissier launches an agency company of his own, 73 Management.
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FIVER LETTERS
“Manchester United sign an egotistical Scandinavian who says he is the greatest. He’s on a huge contract despite the fact his best years are behind him. This is hailed as a sensational deal and generates approximately six Big Website articles a day singing his praises. Nottingham Forest sign an egotistical Scandinavian who says he is the greatest. He’s on a far more reasonable contract and approaching his peak years. This is greeted as madness and generates yesterday’s Fiver article. Outrageous double standards” – Robin James.
“I read with enormous interest Eddie Howe’s attempts to keep Jack Wilshere fit – by letting him skip training. He hasn’t completed a session yet. Which makes me wonder how this helps to keep him fit when he clearly isn’t fit in the first place? Is this what he’s used to at Arsenal? Not having to finish what you started might explain why they always seem to bottle their title bid toward the end of the season” – Ferg Slade.
“My first reaction to José Mourinho’s decision not to start Marcus Rashford was negative. The more I think about it, the more I like it. I’m three thousand miles away from the closest pitch in England, but consider this: here in the USA! USA!! USA!!! we have a National Basketball Association. It not only honours the most valuable players, but it has an equally important honour called the Sixth Man of the Year award. It goes to the most valuable substitute player. Rashford can be just that and perhaps more valuable to his team in a supporting role. He’s 18 years old. He enters the game around the 60-minute mark. Fresh legs, great talent and he’s now facing players who are beginning to show signs of fatigue. He’s the perfect candidate for what is now the non-existent title of Super Sub of the Year” – Spencer Ross.
“Has anyone told The Fiver?” – Nic Stevenson.
• Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Robin James.
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BITS AND BOBS
A Hillsborough Law draft bill to ensure public officials act with “candour” and do not fall prey to “institutional defensiveness” is being launched by relatives of victims of the 1989 tragedy.
Not one but two bits of Crystal Palace news: the yay! (more or less) is that they’ve landed Silicon Valley free agent Mathieu Flamini; the boo! is that new arrival Loïc Rémy is knacked for two months with thigh-gah!
Andy King reckons Leicester are now in the mood to Make A Statement, and that statement will say “we can win at Liverpool”. “We know with the team we have, we can go there and cause an upset,” he chest-puffed, because causing upsets is just what champions do.
Jürgen Klopp has told Mamadou Sakho there’s no clear route back into the Liverpool side following a turbulent couple of months. “Now the squad is like it is and it is about making Mama fit. He isn’t,” clipped Klopp.
And Megan Rapinoe’s bid to stage another national anthem protest was stymied when Washington Spirit bigwigs cheaply moved the ceremonials up the schedule before she even appeared on the pitch.
STILL WANT MORE?
Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s contempt for Pep Guardiola still burns brightly as Saturday’s showdown looms. Here’s Daniel Taylor.
José Mourinho’s faith in Wayne Rooney faces its biggest test in the Manchester derby, writes Jonathan Wilson.
Martin Laurence casts his eyes over new Premier League signings who could make an impact this weekend.
Charlton are aiming to rise again against a backdrop of fury and boycotts. Nick Miller has more.
Manchester derby rap battles and hot, secret linesman-cam action feature in this week’s Classic YouTube.
How far will your club go in Big Cup this season?
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. AND INSTACHAT, TOO!
