NOU MONEY
In these globalised days there is no local rivalry quite so keenly contested as that between FC Barceqatar and Abudhabichester City. It has captured the imagination principally because it is defined by a relationship familiar the world over, that of big brother-little brother. Essentially, the established presence goes about its business paying no attention whatsoever to anyone but itself, while the pretender squeaks, fawns and imitates to predictably futile avail. Everything it does has already been done and everything it feels has already been felt, realities it somehow contrives both to know and to not know.
But the Brownlee derby, as it’s become known, has acquired a new ingredient: a man who once managed Barça now manages City, a quite seismic circumstance that has necessarily rendered the actual sport nothing more than an inconvenient sideshow. Who could possibly feign interest in the nonsense that is two of the world’s best football teams playing in the world’s best football competition, when intrigue of that ilk abounds? And that’s even before the revelations began! Because, it transpires, “Pep” thinks that Lionel Messi is a good player, and on that basis, he’d be happy to manage him again. This distinguishes him from roughly 0 of the 2,000 or so managers currently working in professional football, a figure that equates to roughly 0.00%, or a ratio of 2,000:0. Nothing could possibly be more fascinating, but for a fascinator itself.
Eventually, though, and to the disappointment of all, there will be some playing of football. As ever, Barça will take the role of goodies, their youth policy envied throughout the game and responsible for gems such as Samuel Umtiti, André Gomes, Arda Turan, Ivan Rakitic, Jordi Alba and Neymar. But they are equally revered for the integrity that has seen them sign Kick It Out’s Luis Suárez and have a transfer ban bestowed upon them; incontrovertibly, they are més que un club.
Some time after Wednesday evening’s crucial fixture, Barça will qualify for the knockout stages of the competition and City will qualify for the knockout stages of the competition. They will then either beat or be beaten by the same teams who either beat them or are beaten by them every season, and on and on and Ariston until the earth is vaporised by the death of the sun.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
11.01am: Rotherham United’s official Twitter account denies a false story from a fake “@OfficiaIRUFC” account which reported: “#rufc have parted company with first team manager Alan Stubbs with immediate effect.”
3.16pm: @OfficialRUFC provides an update: “#rufc have parted company with first team manager Alan Stubbs with immediate effect.”
FIVER LETTERS
“I actually thought that Second Chance Steve McClaren (yesterday’s Fiver letters) would now be the former former manager of Derby. That is until the inevitable happens. After that, would he be former former former manager, or revert to the singular? Forget the knack hierarchy, can someone please develop a style guide for these eventualities?” – Scott Henderson.
“Re: an ever-expanding World Cup (Fiver letters passim). As a former resident of Westchester, can I politely suggest that a game between West Brom and West Ham might not be quite the thing to wow the residents of New York State. But Scarborough versus Rochdale in Scarsdale? Now you’re talking” – David Carr.
“As you might have noticed yourself, YAWN is just a lazy anagram of YNWA. So, the Anfield dullfest should be remembered as YNWA v YAWN” – Admir Pajic.
• Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Scott Henderson.
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BITS AND BOBS
Manchester United boss José Mourinho insists he’d have no problem dropping any of his underperforming players. “Untouchable in our team has to be the spirit, the commitment, the pride, the commitment to the club, respect to the fans. That has to be untouchable, not players,” he tooted, bringing an old tune to mind.
“There is nothing alarming” – Fenerbahce play it cool on social media disgrace Twitter after the plane taking them to Manchester for Thursday’s 0-0 Big Vase League draw with United had its windscreen cracked by a bird. They landed early in Budapest.
Jan Vertonghen says Tottenham’s strength in depth is so good they can cope with any knack. Up to a point. “We can miss almost everyone,” he reasoned. “Although obviously not eight or nine players.” Meanwhile, Mauricio Pochettino reckons hacks who say Kevin Wimmer is on his way after he didn’t make the bench for the Leverkusen game are “confused”. “I just needed balance on the bench,” he parped. “A right foot, not a left.”
Uefa suits have opened disciplinary proceedings against FC Copenhagen after fans set off fireworks during their 1-0 defeat at Leicester.
Mesut Özil and Alexis Sánchez are out of contract in 2018, so naturally talk is about SHOCK EXODUS FEARS. “They are not poor and they have to look really at the football side,” sighed Arsène Wenger. “It is more about whether the club can meet their needs on the football front.”
Brendan Rodgers is pumped. “I think we always felt if we could be in European football after Christmas then that would be fantastic,” he cheered, three months after the Shock of Gibraltar. Next up at Queen’s Celtic Park: Borussia Mönchengladbach. “We’re here to win,” he roared.
He has been unfairly mocked online after posting a photo of Himself on Instachat posing with His new car. Totally. Unfairly. Mocked.
And 10-year-old Napoli fan Salvatore Annunziata snagged himself free VIP tickets after his reaction to a Jorginho miss spread like viralfire. “I was really sad the other afternoon,” he told Radio Marte. “Now I’m happy. Next time Jorginho will not repeat his mistake.”
STILL WANT MORE?
Watch Joey Barton tell Big Paper’s Owen Jones how the lack of openly gay footballers shows the UK is not as progressive as it thinks.
Gianni Infantino has come up with the sort of World Cup Marina Hyde’s mum might design: “One where everyone can join in and win a prize.”
Everyone (*not everyone) knows David Speedie played for four teams in one season. But so did someone else.
Inter coach Frank de Boer won’t have enjoyed Tuesday’s Gazzetta dello Sport, says Ed Aarons.
Introducing the Alianza de Futbol – giving young Latinos a shot at soccerball stardom. By Luis Miguel Echegaray.
It’s the best goals of the week: featuring a counter from Real, a slick strike from Luis Suárez, a one-man move from Israel, and one in honour of the pope.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. AND INSTACHAT, TOO!
