SCHWEIN TIME TO PICK THE RIGHT TIME TO MAKE A CHANGE
One of the many problems of a globalised game is how difficult it becomes to hate, a central plank of football’s allure. When Bastian Schweinsteiger appeared on the scene as a humdrum winger, he could immediately be characterised to be the typical Teuton: physical, blonde, chiselled and confident; efficient rather than electrifying; and successful without seeming to be all that good. Or, in other words, perfection. But amazingly, it transpired that these assessments, made in a matter of seconds and a haze of idiocy, were inaccurate. Foreign football became a thing, it turned out that, though still physical, blonde, chiselled and confident, Schweini – for now we were on nickname terms – he was, in fact, rather a nice, friendly chap who loved the game and appreciated his position in it.
Luckily, though, he still wasn’t all that good at the old association football, but then, in an act of unparalleled genius, Louis van Gaal suggested he shove over 10 yards. Quickly, Schweinsteiger became one of the world’s best midfielders, and in 2014 was integral to the Bayern Munich side that won the league and Cup double, also reaching the final of Big Cup. Nor was this any old final of Big Cup, because it was to be held at the superb Allianz Arena, Bayern’s home ground. And in it, they would meet not Barcelona, perhaps the greatest club side of all-time, but a not at all good Chelsea. Bayern went on to dominate the game without scoring, before, in typical style, finding a way and nabbing a late goal. Except Chelsea nabbed an even later goal, held out through extra-time, and the match went to penalties. With the score standing at 3-3, Bayern turned to their talisman; up stepped Schweini, he missed. Didier Drogba didn’t, and the jig was up.
From an English perspective, this was a double-edged sword: on the one hand, Chelsea were London’s first Big Cup winners; on the other, Arsenal were not and could never be. But Schweini is nothing if not a man of the world, and, thanks to him, the Bayern Munich of Beckenbauer, Hoeness, Rummenigge, Matthäus, Effenberg and Adidas had lost a final, in their own city, in front of their own fans. A more selfless, altruistic contribution to humanity you could not wish to see, as Barry Davies might have said. Naturally Schweinsteiger proceeded as though nothing had happened, an integral part of Germany’s World Cup triumph, and a chief architect of perhaps the greatest sporting collapse of all time. But by this time, injuries were beginning to extract a toll, and he was sold to Manchester United in the summer of 2015 to the gross excitement of many grown adults, entirely unsuspicious of a circumstance in which Germany’s most acquisitive, possessive club waved off its chief icon in return for a bag of Cola bottles.
Schweini, though, was still hungry for the game, devouring pheasant, deer and the like with the appetite of a man half his age – when not passing the ball backwards or sideways. But then it all went pear-shaped, metaphorically as well as literally; he got knacked again, spent some time playing for Germany, appears to have been moved on by José Mourinho, and is now retired from international football. “I was able to run out 120 times for my country,” he said, rather exaggerating the style of his later years, before going on to describe moments “which were indescribably beautiful and successful”. And then the final flourish:“To finish with, I would like to say to the fans ‘it was an honour to be able to play for you, many thanks for everything I was able to experience with you!’ Yours, Bastian Schweinsteiger.”
Thanks for clearing that one up, old chap.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“If you bring one player in for £100m and he gets injured, then it all goes through the chimney. The day that this is football, I’m not in a job anymore … if I spend money, it is because I am trying to build a team, a real team. Barcelona did it. You can win championships, you can win titles, but there is a manner in which you want it” – Jürgen Klopp endears himself to José Mourinho.
QUOTE OF THE DAY 2
“I saw the Matrix Reloaded the other day – I’d already seen the movie, but sometimes it’s always good to watch old movies” – new Liverpool signing Georginio Wijnaldum gives some sizzling on-tour advice.
FIVER LETTERS
“So Graham Haslam uses the word ‘irony’ in an e-mail about pedantry and doesn’t wonder how many pedants will write in commenting on whether he used the word correctly, how ironic” – Brendan Mackinney (and 1,056 others).
“Since the excitement of the close season (The Queen’s Celtic excepted) has given way to discussion of vocabulary (yesterday’s letters), I thought I’d point out that eunoia is the shortest English word containing all five vowels. It comes from the Greek word euvoia which means well mind or beautiful thinking. It’s never been used in connection with the Fiver” – John Myles.
“While we are on the vowel-train, you might want to consider the word ‘pandemonium’ (‘what breaks out in the Newcastle defence when a half-decent striker runs towards them’ is as good a working definition as any) The fact that the vowels are not quite in the right order seems rather appropriate in this context” – John Adedoyin.
“If Manchester City give their players time off for being a bit chubby, then I think it’s only fair that all British employers do the same. I could really do with a week off” – Dan Makeham.
• Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Rollover.
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BITS AND BOBS
Soon after giving a debut to his £30m signing Granit Xhaka in a 2-1 win over the best players in the USA! USA!! USA!!!, Arsène Wenger said he thinks the spending of some rival clubs is “scary”. Xhaka, meanwhile, “did well with his technique”.
Gonzalo Higuaín has fired some words back at Aurelio de Laurentiis, after the Napoli head honcho criticised him for choosing to win a guaranteed Serie A title at Juventus. “It was my decision to leave, but he pushed me into making it,” fumed the third most expensive player ever. “I’d like to thank the fans and my team-mates, but not De Laurentiis. I no longer had a relationship with him; I couldn’t stand another minute with him.”
Gabriel Jesus says his future is “almost decided” with Manchester City expected to sign the Palmeiras striker, but not until he helps Brazil to gold in Big Sports Day.
Swansea’s Bafétimbi Gomis has taken the best celebration in football to Marseille for a season long loan, reminding himself with every crawl that the last striker to head from south Wales to Ligue 1 ended up doing quite all right.
And Robbie Keane is expected to announce his retirement from international football to focus on playing with his boyhood heroes LA Galaxy. “I’ve spoken to Robbie and he will be making an announcement pretty soon,” crowed Republic O’Ireland boss Martin O’Neill.
STILL WANT MORE?
Brazil train in Bolton and North Korea meet Middlesbrough: Simon Burnton and Jim Powell take a sideways look back at 1966 and all that. There’s also a neat ‘then and now’ slider button revealing 1966 locations as they look today. They make a compelling case for broken Britain.
Dancing in fountains, Pickles the dog and ‘militaristic nationalism’: tales of the 1966 World Cup from the Guardian archives.
Zlatan Ibrahimovic could be Manchester United’s new Eric Cantona, reckons Johanna Franden.
José Mourinho’s minibus marked Do One has room for Bastian Schweinsteiger, Adnan Januzaj and a few more, according to today’s Rumour Mill.
Marseille’s Bernard Tapie and Swindon Town’s David Hillier ‘star’ in David Lengel’s Joy of Six on sports executives who ended up behind bars.
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