SWEET RELIEF
Close your eyes, readers, and listen. Can you hear it, the merciful silence that follows the bluster and nonsense of transfer deadline day? No, neither can the Fiver, but at least the sounds we do hear are slightly less irritating than a bogus mix of gravitas and giddiness from Sky Sports News, on which, amid a series of lows, a grown man last night came close to interviewing a fax machine in the Football League’s HQ. For fax sake.
Compared to all that complete and utter meconium, today’s atmosphere seems quite refreshing. And that is really something when we consider that the main sounds in the air today are:
- Mike Ashley cackling, having pocketed £30m from the ever wily Daniel Levy for Moussa Sissoko, a player so conveniently inconsistent that Spurs might be well advised to give him Emmanuel Adebayor’s old shirt
- Saido Berahino sobbing, having realised that he must remain in the clutches of Tony Pulis, a manager for whom a football pitch is just another field to be worked by mules
- West Bromwich Albion fans sobbing, having realised that they must remain in the clutches of Tony Pulis, a manager for whom mules are flash gits
- Jamie Carragher congratulating himself, having quipped on the internet that Mario Balotelli was overpriced after joining Nice from Liverpool for zero pounds
- Jamie Carragher fretting, along with many other Liverpool fans, having realised that the decision not to sign another left-back leaves Alberto Moreno ominously close to another run-out
- Chelsea fans discussing their innermost feelings, having learned of the return of David Luiz, a beautiful and wacky footballer whose inclusion in serious football teams triggers the same debate sparked by the inclusion of the Beano on academic bookshelves
- People talking about Jack Wilshere, about whom there has been far too much talk already. Let’s all agree to shut up about him until we’ve seen him play.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“Walking pass Ivory Coast players (Yaya,Bony,& Die) in their first class bed/seats as I head to 47L...” 6ft3in Sierra Leonean striker Kei Kamara isn’t best pleased at the legroom on offer during the six-and-a-half hour journey from France to Bouaké prior to his country’s African Cup of Nations qualifier against Les Éléphants. And who can blame him.
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RECOMMENDED LISTENING
In this week’s Football Weekly Extraaaaaaaaaaa, AC Jimbo, Barry Glendenning, James Horncastle and Rafa Honigstein talk transfers, Big Sam and well as giving you a Bundesliga lowdown, an ode to Robbie Keane and everything you need to know about Rostov.
BITS AND BOBS
Torino’s Joe Hart will play for England in goal against Slovakia, after Fraser Forster picked up an injury in training. Forster’s Southampton team-mate, Alex McCarthy, who is uncapped at senior level, has received the hottest of call-ups from Sam Allardyce to replace him.
Jack Wilshere has explained why the 11,500-capacity Dean Court will provide him better opportunites than Milan’s San Siro or Roma’s Stadio Olimpico: “I had a good chat with the manager and feel sure this is the best place for me to play and develop,” he chatted.
Franz Beckenbauer is facing a criminal investigation in Switzerland over allegations of financial malpractice related to Germany’s successful bid to host the 2006 World Cup.
Robbie Keane spent 20 minutes signing shirts in the dressing room after his final Republic of Ireland appearance before dropping this bombshell: “I’ll be watching now as a fan.”
Gareth Bale says Wales have put gushing memories of Euro 2016 firmly on the back-burner. “We’ve got that out of our system and we’re fully focused on the campaign ahead,” he trilled.
After failing a medical at Reading last week, Asamoah Gyan popped down the road to complete a move to Al Ahli on a season-long loan from China’s Shanghai SIPG.
“The club have been aware for five weeks I wanted to leave to fulfil my ambition of playing in the Premier League,” tweeted Brighton’s Dale Stephens after the Championship club rejected his transfer request.
And finally, former Everton and Manchester United assistant manager Steve Round has decided that turning up on Sky Sports News at 7am to talk nonsense with David Garrido is not the right career path and decided to become technical director at Aston Villa instead.
STILL WANT MORE?
From Arsenal to West Brom and from Álvaro Negredo to Simone Zaza: which club did the best summer business? Our writers give their verdict.
Jonathan Wilson has delved deep into what Brazil’s Olympic football gold might mean for them in years to come, so you don’t have to.
Germany 1-5 England: 15 years ago today. Simon Burnton has the, er, latest.
Quiz! Quiz! Quiz! Who are the record signings for each of the 20 Premier League clubs’ record signings?
Bonus Quiz! Ten questions on transfer U-turns, featuring Robinho and Matt Le Tissier.
Danny Drinkwater tells Dominic Fifield that the giant Euro 2016 axe has made him more hungry to succeed under Big Sam’s England revolution. “Actually ending the season on a bit of a low kicked me back into gear to get going again this season,” he jogged.
Paul Wilson gives his 2p on all the footy do$$$$h flying around.
Hey big-spender! Premier League’s billion-pound riches are a blessing and a curse, writes Amy Lawrence.
Did Arsenal fail to land Daniel Sturridge before yesterday’s transfer deadline slammed shut? It’s today’s Rumour Mill fluff.
Chelsea have 38 players out on loan – but who and where on earth are they? Well, one’s at Juventus and another’s at the Metropolitan Police.
Will Michail Antonio go for a House of Pain or Homer Simpson inspired celebration against Slovakia on Sunday? That and more in this week’s Classic YouTube.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. AND INSTACHAT, TOO!
