BRUCEY BONUS
When Steve Bruce fronted up at a local radio station last night to field questions from irate Newcastle fans he probably wasn’t expecting to be lobbed softballs regarding his favourite colour. The much-maligned manager accepted an invitation to appear on BBC Newcastle’s Total Sport and it’s probably fair to say that no broadcast will have prompted so many in the north-east to have huddled around their wirelesses with a shared feeling of expectant dread since King George VI took to the national airwaves to declare the outbreak of war with Germany.
While football phone-in shows, by their very nature, tend to attract their fair share of the deranged, the drunk and the downright doolally, those Geordies who made it to air seemed heartwarmingly sensible. Without resorting to effing and jeffing, they subjected Bruce to a bombardment of interrogatory projectiles covering a wide range of subjects, none of which could be satisfactorily answered by the word “magenta”.
A manager who can’t do right for doing wrong in the eyes of Newcastle fans who are quick to blame him for every bad result while giving his assistant Graeme Jones all the credit for any of their good ones, Bruce was asked if the rumours that Jones was appointed above his head were true.
“I’ve been in the job for something like 20 years,” Bruce snarled. “Do you really think I’m going to allow something like that to happen? First and foremost, results weren’t great at the time. It was important I brought somebody in, and I spoke to two or three candidates. Graeme was the first choice with what he’d done, and he’s a Geordie who was desperate to come back up here and work for his boyhood club.”
Of course, Newcastle is also Bruce’s boyhood club, a fact he tried to stress at every opportunity during his charm offensive. “How lucky am I to be a Newcastle fan and in the hot seat?” he asked. “For me, it’s a privilege.” And on fan expectations? “First and foremost, I am a fan myself so I want what’s best for the supporters of our great club, which is surely to try and win something.”
As PR exercises go, this one is unlikely to have done Bruce’s already battered reputation any further harm but it is unlikely to have impressed those frustrated by their manager constantly resorting to excuses regarding squad thinness, the easiness every other manager has it compared to him and how “these things take time”, all of which were revisited during his radio appearance.
On the subject of whether or not he watches Love Island, one of the more difficult questions he was forced to answer, Bruce was unequivocal and suggested the only Villa he is interested in will be hosting his team tomorrow. “Absolutely 100% not!” he declared. “Never seen it and I won’t. I can assure you of that.” A response, no doubt, that was ultimately behind Jake and Liberty’s subsequent shock decision to leave the reality show.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“On the weekend I will not play. I don’t even know who Everton is playing. Can you please tell me? I think it is away because the past was here at home” – Rather than Google it or ask Rafa Benítez/his mum, James Rodríguez tried to endear himself to Everton fans/any future employers by asking his Twitch followers who the Toffees are playing on Saturday (it’s Leeds).
FIVER LETTERS
“In Thursday’s Fiver, Neil Bage suggested that Aaron Ramsdale could become the first player to be relegated from the Premier League in three consecutive seasons with three clubs. Unfortunately for Ramsdale, this would not be a record, Neil Redfearn having managed it with Barnsley, Charlton and Bradford in the 90s. If Ramsdale wants to set a record, he’s going to have to sign for Tottenham next summer as well” – Glynn Marshall.
“Can you imagine if Fiver FC actually held open training?
“Glendenning out!”
“You get out! Who are you?”
“I’m Paul Doyle!
“YOU GET OUT!”
“I’ve got Jonathan Wilson’s brain jar, everyone run!”
Chaos. Madness. The horror" – Daniel Stauss.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner is Glynn Marshall, who twisted our arm and gets a copy of The Hard Yards: A Season in the Championship, Football’s Toughest League by Nige Tassell. It’s available in hardback from today and we have more to give away.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Karim Benzema, 53, has signed a new contract with Real Madrid until 2023, with a €1bn release clause just in case anyone is feeling a little flush.
Steve Bruce has revealed that “a lot” of Newcastle United players have not been vaccinated against Covid and cited “conspiracy theories” as a reason why so many professional footballers are reluctant to get inoculated. Goalkeeper Karl Darlow lost two stone during the course of five nights in hospital earlier this summer with the virus.
Martin Ødegaard is now a goner Gooner.
Jürgen Klopp has strongly condemned the Liverpool supporters who directed homophobic chants at Norwich midfielder Billy Gilmour, calling them “idiots”.
Fresh from beating Premier League champions Manchester City, Tottenham found it a little trickier against Portuguese giants Paços de Ferreira in their Europa Conference League playoff first leg.
Manchester City have announced that the England defender Lucy Bronze has undergone knee surgery. “The defender is now progressing to rehabilitation with the club and will return to training in the near future,” parped a club statement.
STILL WANT MORE?!
Flooding in western Germany has brought death and destruction, and Chelsea forward Kai Havertz sits down with David Hytner to explain why he is determined to aid the recovery effort.
Suzanne Wrack interviews Khalida Popal, the former Afghanistan women’s team captain, about why her side was built to fight against the Taliban ideology.
Ten/10/X (count them!) glistening things to get your Friday bubblin!
Jonathan Liew on the mess that Mikel Arteta finds himself in at Arsenal.
Get ya Rumours, with Mill favourite Houssem Aouar making a glorious return, while Arsenal are “looking for solutions” for Willian, Héctor Bellerín and others.
Queensboro FC: the New York City team aiming to upend stereotypes and represent an area with 130 languages.
Karen Carney on why Romelu Lukaku has nothing to prove at Chelsea.
Andy Hunter sits down for a chin-wag with Wrexham manager Phil Parkinson, who seems to be getting on famously with the new Hollywood owners.
Catch up with the latest moves in our women’s and men’s transfer interactives.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
