Dave is right, that amaze moment when your youngest runs into school on her first day? And you realise you never have to go to church again? It’s like OMG – whoah – you mean I really can go back to saying OMG instead of oh my days? As in not near the vicar, obvs, plus nobody totally stops, not until the end of year six, but when you’ve done three whole years of worshipping 24/7 just to get the foundation places, then gone on practically for ever just in case the school drops the sibling policy or you want them to be head girl or boy, bear in mind the church is miles away, a few eucharists are like NOTHING.
Why I said to Mr Cobber, of course it is sweet you getting Dave to say he wants for every parent what we have for Florence, but do you think you should just, like, mention, the whole church-going thing? Mr Cobber’s like, pardon sweetheart, WTF has the effing church got to do with frigging schools? I’m like, as in *speaks v slowly* church attendance certificates? Vicars have got SO demanding, a lot of parents are just not willing to put in the spiritual effort, at least one mother had to go on an actual pilgrimage like literally on her KNEES, to make up for being in Ibiza on Palm Sunday? Plus Tatler is right, you have to have them for supper, though appaz you can get away with the Chiltern Firehouse, vicars are mad for Harry Styles. And I know for a fact Govey tried to get points for self-flagellation, although anyone who’d been to a Russian spa could see he had just taken a selfie after a birch twig massage #typical. Why do you think he gave every school a bible?
Dave was always like, babes, no sacrifice is too great, if being prime minister is the price of a St Mary Abbots place, so be it. But the bishops were still SO mean, as in gays & the poor, I often say to Mummy, srsly, if Nancy had not had that vision of the Virgin telling Dave to make Justin the Archbishop of Canterbury, God only knows where she would have gone?
