As I write, I’m preparing for my wedding day – a day I never thought would be mine. I first met you in my early 20s; I was having problems finding my place in the hearing world. It felt as if no one understood me. As a profoundly deaf person, I’m more prone to mental ill-health than the average person. You were the resident psychologist at my audiology hospital and took me on as a patient.
Every two weeks for an hour over the next year, you made me see that I was normal – no different to any one else – and the only thing stopping me was me. We lessened the impact of the black cloud and I was ready to leave and carve my place in the world.
A couple of years later, at 26, lots of anxieties and my lack of self-worth meant that life was very difficult and the dark cloud descended once again. Although it wasn’t directly related to my deafness, you very kindly agreed to take me on again as a patient.
This time, it was all about my lack of self-esteem and self-confidence and my utter conviction that I was too unattractive to ever meet anyone worthwhile. Your response? Nonsense, you are no more attractive or unattractive than anyone else. It still makes me smile to this day.
To get me over this, you dared me to try online dating. Put a profile up and see what happens, you said, you’d be surprised. Lots of nice men want to meet someone like me, you said. So, with great trepidation, I signed up.
I was surprised and amazed; I met four lovely guys and then I met Stuart.
We met outside Marks & Spencer in Covent Garden, in central London. He was a bit scruffy and had a slight hangover as it was a bank holiday Monday but we had a great afternoon and evening chatting about anything and everything.
I walked away knowing this was someone who would be significant in my life.
It wasn’t a thunderbolt type of love, but it grew to be the best love story ever, someone who accepted and loved me for me. Thanks to him, I’m at peace with myself; I know who I am in the world and I’m well on my way to achieving my full potential.
Six months after meeting Stuart, I left your services, fully armed and equipped to take on all that life can throw at me. Eight and a half years later, I’m still using the skills and tools you taught me and although the dark clouds can appear on occasion, the impact is far less than before.
On 1 May, exactly nine years to the hour since Stuart and I met, we will be married, surrounded by our overjoyed friends and family. My family, who all adore him, will be celebrating the most as my parents have always said that all they ever wanted was for me to be happy and content and be with someone who would look after me, no matter what. I am and have that – thanks to Stuart and to you.
During the chaos of our wedding day, I promise I will raise a glass to you, the psychologist who helped me to like myself and gave me the confidence to enjoy the life I have with the man I love.
Thank you so much for everything.
Nickie
