My dearest angel, I promised to keep you safe and protect you for as long as I lived, but I feel I have failed in my duty. You left me in April and I feel so cheated by life.
You were my entire life. You fought the battle against cancer twice, and I remember you saying that the only reason you put up with all the treatment was for me. I was terrified of losing you the first time round.
You had the most beautiful hair and it pained me to have to shave it when you were undergoing chemotherapy. When the treatment was completed, all I wanted to do was to hold you and not let you go.
This time, when the doctors informed us that there was nothing they could do, I was shattered. You could see that I was lost and it affected you, my angel. I am so sorry that I was not strong enough to help you cope.
We dreamed of growing old together, but little did I know that all the plans we made would come to nothing.
I hate coming back to the house now. With you no longer here, it is no longer my home. It’s just a place I come to lie down before I go back to work the next day. I dread the weekends, when I have to be in the house with the memory of your illness. Nothing makes sense any more.
I will always cherish the 20 years that we were together – the best years of my life.
While going through some things on your laptop, I found a recording of your voice and I play it every time I feel alone. All I have now are the memories of us together. My greatest fear is that I will start to lose those.
When you were here, I took it for granted that you would be at home when I came back. Here to give me a hug and ask me how my day was. Now that I have lost you I feel so empty and I wonder how long I can go on without you. I miss you so much.
You were my best friend and my soul mate. Friends tell me that time will help me adjust, but I do not want that. I want to remember you until the day I meet you again, wherever that is. Nobody will ever take your place in my heart. I will live each day as it comes.
Wherever you are, I know you are watching me and I will try to live by your principles.
Until we meet again, my love.
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