BACK TO THE FUTURE PART IV
There are times in life when you just know you’re on a hiding to nothing. A game of tennis against Roger Federer, a frame of snooker against Ronnie O’Sullivan, a couple of rounds with Floyd Mayweather, a Purple Tin drinking contest with Weird Uncle Fiver … you’re going to come off second best (and, in the case of the last two, in need of medical attention) no matter what you do. So turn up, do the thing, and go home. It’s a maxim that loops in the Fiver’s head on a fairly constant basis. OK, OK, an entirely constant basis. And you’d forgive Brendan Rodgers if he was feeling something similar ahead of tonight’s Big Cup trip to the Bernabéu.
The Liverpool manager is set to rest $tevie Mbe for the game against Real Madrid with the reason being that “our priorities are the Premier League and [Big Cup] … always in that order”, which is fair enough, though prioritising the Premier League over Big Cup in order to get into Big Cup which you then overlook in favour of the Premier League in order to get into Big Cup which you then overlook in favour of the Premier League in order to get into Big Cup creates a kind of vicious circle that ends up with football eating its own tail and the timeline skewing down into this tangent, in which Biff is corrupt and powerful and married to your mother.
How you feel Rodgers’ decision will effect the Reds this evening largely comes down to which Gerrard camp you’re in – the He’s Completely Shot camp or the He’s As Good As He’s Always Been camp (there is also, of course, a third, smaller Yes, He Is As Good As He’s Always Been But He Was Never That Good In The First Place camp, one with slightly ragged tents, very basic outdoor cooking equipment and only three squares of Andrex to share between them). But the Liverpool manager is clearly taking the long view.
Rodgers denies he is being in any way pragmatic but there would be no shame in it if he were. Real Madrid haven’t just been beating teams lately, they’ve been devouring them whole, so much so that if Los Blancos were an animal you’d be able to find entire Deportivo La Coruña players in its droppings. The chances of a Liverpool win in the Spanish capital this evening are supermodel slim, with or without Gerrard. With that in mind – and with, say, an away draw in Ludogorets followed by a home win over Basel/Basle/Baarl in their final two group games likely to be enough to see them through anyway – why not put your 34-year-old captain in cotton wool ahead of Chelsea’s weekend visit to Anfield?
Arsenal, on the other hand, are sitting pretty thanks to their escapology act in Brussels a fortnight ago. A home win against Anderlecht this evening coupled with anything other than a Galatasaray victory in Dortmund will take the Gunners into the knockout stages. “We were expected to be where we are so, at the moment, we have not achieved anything special,” roared Arsène Wenger. “But, sometimes, just to do your job in your game is important.” There you are – turn up, do the thing, and go home. Who would’ve thought it? The Fiver and Le Professeur. Great minds …
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“This was not a game of football, it was war … I’m stunned and ashamed to be involved in football on a day like today. Both clubs and both sets of supporters must be severely punished for what happened here” – Hapoel boss Eyal Berkovic reflects on the Tel Aviv derby with Maccabi, which had to be abandoned at half-time after a Hapoel fan attacked Maccabi striker Eran Zahavi, who was then sent off for retaliating.
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BITS AND BOBS
Luis Suárez has spent the last few days staring at his shoes and then into space, wondering why Fifa snubbed him for the Ballon d’Or shortlist. “I was the highest goalscorer of all of the European leagues … I prefer to keep quiet before saying things because every time that I speak there could be a problem,” he parped with a straight face.
Greater Manchester bizzies are investigating after Yaya Touré was racially abused on social media disgrace Twitter last night.
Atlético Mineiro have told Jô that he is about as welcome as a kick in the shins after a “serious” breach of team rules.
Watch out Chris Rock! Manuel Pellegrini is coming for your job. When asked about his side’s chances of winning Big Cup, he tooted: “We must put in our mind that we are able to do it, that we have a good squad.”
Red Bull have said they’d rather taste one of their own products than splash some cash on Nasty Leeds.
And Jonás Gutiérrez has been given the all-clear after receiving treatment for testicular cancer.
RECOMMENDED VIEWING
Raf Honigstein reviews the latest woes for Dortmund in this week’s Bundesliga wrap.
STILL WANT MORE?
How well do you know your Premier League own goals? Test yourself with this quiz.
Real Madrid and Spain keeper Iker Casillas gets his chat on with Sid Lowe. Read.
Win! Win! Win! We’ve a pair of (home) tickets to give away for West Ham v Aston Villa this weekend.
Everything you needed to know about Chelsea’s Nemanja Matic but hadn’t been bothered to ask for, courtesy of Igor Mladenovic.
This week’s edition of the Gallery stars Alex Song as Big Sam and a man hoofing his own head.
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