ANOTHER BOUT OF NASTY LEEDS-KNACK
Having had no problem with upstanding citizens such as Cuddly Ken Bates and the good people in charge of Bahraini wealth managers Gulf Finance House being deemed fit and proper enough to own Nasty Leeds, the Football League today announced that tax-avoiding Massimo Cellino was not fit to own the club and asked him to step down after receiving evidence from an Italian court that diagnosed his tax-knack.
Fiver readers wondering if that can possibly be the same Football League that is headed by Shaun Harvey, who once told a parliamentary select committee he didn’t know who owned Nasty Leeds despite being the club’s chief executive, may be perturbed to know that it is indeed. But they can also take solace from the fact that Shaun neither took part in last week’s debate nor the subsequent vote after admitting a conflict of interest in this particular case. Which was good of him.
In Harvey’s absence, various Football League suits arrived at the conclusion that Cellino is unfit to own an English football club on the back of evidence from an Italian court on the manner in which he avoided paying import duty on a yacht to which he’d treated himself, stating that he is “subject to a disqualifying condition under the terms of the Test”. All of which high-handed moralising might be fair enough if so many other rogues, vagabonds and ne’er-do-wells hadn’t previously passed their “Test” with the precision and metronomic regularity of Xabi Alonso before that howler against Manchester City last week.
For all his faults, Cellino has actually been a stabilising influence on Nasty Leeds compared to recent owners, investing no end of dosh and getting them back on the kind of even keel that would be the envy of any luxury yacht skipper about to have his vessel seized because he owes the taxman €388,500. The Football League, which lets not forget is headed by a man who steered Bradford City into administration and was Cuddly Ken’s right-hand man when Nasty Leeds almost followed them, claims to be attempting to drum people such as Cellino out of English football for the good of English football, but it is difficult to see how their latest decision can have anything but an adverse affect on Nasty Leeds.
On the flip side for the club, Cellino has a fortnight to appeal and even if unsuccessful, in a state of affairs that renders the Football League’s decision rather ludicrous, will be deemed fit, under UK law, to own the club again in March. “The steps that the League wishes the club to take – to remove Mr Cellino only to re-appoint him in three months’ time - will be destabilising for the club, its supporters and sponsors and cannot be in the best interests of any party,” harrumphed a statement on the Nasty Leeds website today. In the meantime, it seems a cunning interim plan has been hatched, with the presence of pint-sized Austin Powers co-star Verne Troyer at Nasty Leeds’s win over Derby on Saturday suggesting that the Italian has hired a temporary replacement for himself in the form of Mini-mo.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“He is arguably the best player who has ever played in the Premier League” – Brendan Rodgers lays the butter on thick as he tries to persuade $tevie Mbe to scrawl his name on a new contract.
THE SECRET FOOTBALLER’S GUIDE TO THE MODERN GAME – EXCLUSIVE OFFER FOR FIVER READERS
Fiver readers can get The Secret Footballer’s Guide to the Modern Game for just £7.49 (RRP £12.99). To order your book, visit the Guardian bookshop and use promo code FIVERSF. The offer runs until 1 December.
A BIGGER PLUG THAN THE ONE FROM THE BFG’S BATH
Big Website has got a new YouTube football channel. Subscribe today! And there’s also a new app for iOS and Android - details of the football offering are here.
FIVER LETTERS
“My perspective on this crazy world we live in was seriously shaken this weekend. First, I read the Fiver (late) and laughed. Second, Roberto Soldado scored. For a second, I thought some cataclysm was upon us, maybe the apocalypse. Then I remembered that even a broken watch is right twice a day, and stopped panicking. I look forward to another funny Fiver in April, and Soldado notching against Southampton at St Marys” – Craig Fawcett.
“Chelsea have dropped points? Against Sunderland? In these times of knee-jerk reaction, surely that counts as a crisis? Cancel the Christmas party, José” – Darren Leathley.
“Either James Tong (Friday’s Fiver letters) is also masquerading as a Newcastle United fan with a nickname of Guellzy, or he should stop copying letters already published elsewhere. In this case from Football 365’s mailbox on the very same day. I’m particularly impressed with his dedication to amending the first paragraph, but then he lets himself down by leaving the second paragraph unaltered” – Phil Kayes (not a pseudonym, or a NUFC fan).
“I assume that your regret that Mr Vincent Kompany wasn’t given the No2 shirt was a reference to ‘two’s company’ - rather than to a toilet-related implication linked to the fact that he hasn’t played to quite his usual high standards this season?” – James Smart.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet the Fiver. Today’s winner of our letter o’the day is: Phil Kayes (even if he is a big snitch), who wins a copy of Football Manager 2015, courtesy of the very kind people at Football Manager Towers. We’ve got more copies to give away this month, so if you haven’t been lucky thus far, keep trying. If the contents of today’s mailbag are anything to go by, it won’t take much winning.
JOIN GUARDIAN SOULMATES
Chances are that if you’re reading this tea-timely football email, you’re almost certainly single. But fear not - if you’d like to find companionship or love, sign up here to view profiles of the kind of erudite, sociable and friendly folk who would never normally dream of going out with you. And don’t forget, it’s not the rejection that kills you, it’s the hope.
BITS AND BOBS
The three hilarious lads who brought Spurs v Partizan Belgrade to a halt for the sake of advertising a headphone brand will appear in court on 18 December after being charged with pitch invasion.
Joe Hart is locked in discussions about how many zeros should be written on his new contract at Manchester City.
Oldham have denied offering Ched Evans the chance to train with them.
Fun and games in South America dept! Twenty police officers were injured and three Atlas fans arrested in fighting after their team were knocked out by Monterrey in the Mexican championship quarter-finals.
Galatasaray have appointed their former midfielder and current Turkey assistant coach Hamza Hamzaoglu as manager. “I always had the dream of coaching Galatasaray one day,” he Robbie Keaned.
The Spanish government plans to ban ultras fan groups from attending matches after the death of a Deportivo La Coruna fan in clashes before the match at Atlético Madrid.
And Thierry Henry has said au revoir to the MLS dollar. “I have immensely enjoyed my four and a-half years here,” he cheered, before jumping in his Clio and setting his Sat-Nav to Destination Do One.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
STILL WANT MORE?
Jürgen Klopp may be sent to see Doctor Do One after Dortmund hit rock bottom in Bundesliga, diagnoses Raphael Honigstein.
Logic, statistics and historical precedent suggested Torino had no chance of beating Juventus. Logic, statistics and history were right … but only just, tootles Paolo Bandini.
The death of Jimmy Romero shows Spanish football is still fighting to end fan violence, writes Sid Lowe.
Kaboom! That’s the sound of 10 Premier League talking points landing.
Goals! Goals! Goals! And more goals! Yes, it’s our goals of the week blog. Did we mention there are goals in it? Right. Good.
Oh, and if it’s your thing, you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace.
SIGN UP TO THE FIVER
Want your very own copy of our free tea-timely(ish) email sent direct to your inbox? Has your regular copy stopped arriving? Click here to sign up.
