A man from Georgia recently called into “The Ramsey Show” to ask a painful but honest question: Is it appropriate to cut one of your children out of your will if you’re worried the money will be misused?
Michael, 64, and his wife, 62, have two adult children. Right now, their will splits their estate 50/50. But their son has a long history of burning through money. They’ve already stopped helping him financially. On top of that, he’s living a lifestyle and in a relationship they don’t agree with.
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Not A Punishment, But A Boundary
Michael was clear that he didn’t want to punish his son. “The goal is, ‘I don’t want to finance things I don’t agree with,'” said personal finance expert Dave Ramsey.
"Yes, it's totally appropriate” to change the will, he added. But the parents should do it for the right reasons.
"The goal is not to be a punishing force," Ramsey said. “If your kid’s doing heroin and you leave them a bunch of money, you killed them, because they’re now a well-financed heroin addict. You’re not doing them a favor to finance their bad choices from the grave.”
John Delony, co-host of the show, agreed but emphasized compassion. “Treat the person with dignity and respect,” he said. “Don’t become somebody you’re not in an effort to have a hard conversation.”
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Have The Conversation Now, Not Later
Michael and his wife also asked whether they should talk to their son about this decision.
"God, please, yes," Delony replied. "You will poison their relationship with their sibling if you don't have the courage to have the conversation while you're still alive."
Ramsey warned that people often wrongly blame the sibling who inherits more. “When you pass away, he’s going to be pissed at her like she did something—and she didn’t do anything.”
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Keep It Simple, Honest And Loving
Both hosts stressed keeping the talk short and heartfelt.
“We’re not aligned on these things, honey,” Ramsey suggested saying. “And you know we love you anyway, but we don’t feel right about leaving money to finance things we don’t believe in.”
Delony added that it's okay to feel guilty. "Choose guilt over resentment," he said. “You’re going to feel guilty about taking the money away, but otherwise, you’re just going to live every moment resenting your kid for future behavior they may or may not do after you’re gone.”
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