Once again, The Man has placed his jackboot on the upturned face of Paris Hilton, as madam's attempt to add a puppy to her collection was reportedly thwarted by a Beverly Hills pet shop.
At the most recent count, Paris's chihuahua army boasted 17 Swarovski-liveried footsoldiers, and she is currently under investigation by the Los Angeles Department of Animal Services, which permits just the three hounds per home. But it seems that last weekend, the heiress was on her way to a photoshoot when she passed a pet shop and decided to pick up a Yorkie puppy to make the photos "cuter". The store refused on the basis that it was an impulse buy; Paris "went ballistic"; the rest of the week was spent in a haze of dog-acquisition claim and counterclaim. What do you mean, "What happened in Burma?" Get the hell off this page.
The main thing is that someone has at last recognised the Hilton menagerie for what it is: a looming Malthusian catastrophe, whose chihuahua population looks certain to increase too quickly for its resources, leaving weaker, less well-represented
species - like Baby Luv, the kinkajou with behavioural problems, who recently cried for help in a manner that made Mommy need a tetanus - at risk of poverty and starvation. It's all in An Essay on the Principle of Population, dog-purveyors - let's stay up to speed.
