ROLL UP, ROLL UP, IT’S THE MANAGERIAL MERRY-GO-ROUND
Bobby M has attracted quite a bit of criticism lately, and no wonder. His Everton team’s home record makes Paul Jewell’s Derby County look like late-80s-era Steaua Bucharest. His success rate in big games makes David Moyes look like the second coming of Lord Ferg. And the trademark intensity of his fitness regime makes Ross Barkley, previously one of English football’s brightest prospects, play like a better-defined, hunkier version of Mr Creosote. Albeit with less explosive pace.
It’s been a difficult time for Martínez, who has been exposed to serious inspection ever since the handy lightning conductor across the park, Rodgers the Rod, was dismantled a few months ago. “We have to drive to challenge for silverware; when we’re not, scrutiny needs to be there,” he said today. “But it shouldn’t be scrutiny of the last two months or three months. It should be of three seasons. The first season we had a record points tally, last season we were the last team in the British game to be knocked out of Europe, this season we made two semi-finals.” A decent attempt to turn base failure into glittering achievement there, which if nothing else should clear him with Advertising Standards to to put alchemy alongside snake oil and miracle tiki-taka elixir on the side of his van.
Another manager potentially on the move is Mauricio Pochettino. Now that he’s not going to win the title, he appears to have suddenly realised that, lads, it’s Tottenham. This shocking moment of clarity has caused him to consider his options, and oh look, Laurent Blanc’s in a spot of bother at Pochettino’s former club Paris Saint-Germain. “I’ve always said I would be pleased to join a great club like PSG,” he told radio station RMC, transmitted loud and clear in Paris. “Come to Paris? I hope so! It is true that it would please me. It’s part of my dreams.” Worried Spurs fans can cling to the fact that Pochettino tempered his simpering by admitting that “Ligue 1 is not very attractive because PSG is far from the other teams”, a line which if nothing else ensures his reading on The Fiver’s Patented Come And Get Me O Meter is simply Brazen, one notch below Desperate and a full two below the top reading of Mourinho.
LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE
Join Scott Murray from 8.05pm BST for hot MBM coverage of Villarreal 2-1 Liverpool.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“Now that I’ve gotten over the shock, I feel it was the stupidest decision of my life” – Malmo winger Tobias Sana, who responded to IFK Gothenburg fans lobbing a firework at his feet during their game on Wednesday, by channelling his inner Steve Backley and hurling a corner flag in retribution. The game was abandoned.
ROVERS AND OUT
6 April: “I can’t keep being a spokesman for the football club. I went through the same at Aston Villa and I’ll never go through that again” – Blackeye Rovers boss Paul Lambert refuses to discuss his future at the club.
28 April: “It’s a brilliant club, with great people, and I wish it every success in the future” – Blackeye Rovers boss Paul Lambert announces his impending departure.
FIVER LETTERS
“What Andy Burnham said in the House of Commons (yesterday’s Quote of the Day) was very laudable, and it is entirely proper to criticise ‘a police force which has consistently put protecting itself above protecting people harmed by Hillsborough … collusion between that force and complicit print media [and] … a flawed judicial system’. I wonder if he’d also like to criticise Tony Blair and his ministers, who consistently and wilfully refused to sanction a full and independent investigation into the tragedy. Instead, Blair, Jack Straw and the rest relied on the limited investigation conducted by Sir Murray Stuart-Smith, which Blair’s own Justice Minister, Lord Falconer, was highly critical of. Not a joke in sight here, because it’s not funny” – Martyn Wilson.
“Re: Vincent Kompany believing there are a ‘million more disappointing results’ than a 0-0 draw (yesterday’s Bits and Bobs). Just how low does Vinnie hold City’s defensive capabilities, or rather how high does he hold their incapabilities? It also begs the question: just what scoreline was Vinnie anticipating before kick-off?” – Neil Sutton.
“Clearly The Fiver is a strict armchair fan of the beautiful game if it thinks the seats on the halfway line at the Vicente Calderon that Diego Simeone will be inevitably banished to can be considered ‘cheap’ (yesterday’s Bits and Bobs). A quick look on the interweb tells me that one seat in the Preferential Stand – Lower Tier (closest to the bench and presumably within earshot of his gang of ballboys) for the upcoming match against Rayo Vallecano costs a not-so-cheap €130” – Toby Beels.
• Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Martyn Wilson.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
Proper Journalism’s David Conn joins the pod for Football Weekly Extra. Do listen.
WATCH AGAIN
As they’re in Big Vase semis, a look at Shakhtar Donestk, club in exile.
JOIN GUARDIAN SOULMATES
Chances are that if you’re reading this tea-timely football email, you’re almost certainly single. But fear not – if you’d like to find companionship or love, sign up here to view profiles of the kind of erudite, sociable and friendly folk who would never normally dream of going out with you. And don’t forget, it’s not the rejection that kills you, it’s the hope.
BITS AND BOBS
Mats Hummels has told Borussia Dortmund he wants to do one to Bayern Munich next season.
Atlético Madrid coach Diego Simeone has paid tribute to Saúl Ñíguez after his giant slalom solo stunner beat Bayern 1-0 in their Big Cup semi-final first leg. “Saúl is in a brilliant moment and it fills you with joy to see everything that is happening to him,” he tootled. “He deserves it for the work he does, the persistence, the motivation, for believing in himself.”
Aston Villa’s Gabby Agbonlahor has stepped down as club captain. “I do not deserve to carry out such a role any more,” he mewled. I am asking Villa fans for forgiveness as I’m hurting as well, despite reports and photos in the press making out otherwise. I agree my performances this season have not been good enough but I will be working hard to make things right! Up The Villa, Villa Till I Die!”
Former Nasty Leeds assistant boss Nigel Gibbs has won £331,426 damages over his dismissal by the club. Mr Justice Langstaff said that after Gibbs indicated he was not interested in succeeding Brian McDermott as manager in 2014, he was not assigned work befitting his status and felt he was standing around “doing nothing”.
Chelsea want to hang on to teenage talent Dom Solanke. Teenage talent Dom Solanke wants £50,000 a week. Ding-ding, round two.
Uefa has opened disciplinary proceedings against Mamadou Sakho following his failed drugs test, slapping him with a 30-day ban until a final decision is made.
Your FA Cup final referee this year is … Mark Clattenburg. “These days you get told of what games you’re doing by text, but when you see a call coming in from the FA referees’ department you know it’s important,” he cheered.
And Palermo have alleged that dark forces may be at play in the fight to avoid relegation from Serie A, the club website listing “three absurd episodes” from Carpi’s win over Empoli. “They want to send Palermo into Serie B,” sniffed Maurizio Zamparini, whose team are three points from safety. “I don’t know why, but I fear that’s what is going on.”
STILL WANT MORE?
Before a big night for Villarreal, Roberto Soldado tells Sid Lowe about his troubles at Tottenham and having a chance to start anew with the yellow submarine.
Floating football brain in a jar Jonathan Wilson applauds Claudio Ranieri’s transformation from inveterate tinkerer to tactical master.
A Midlands club with a charismatic manager and rock-solid team spirit has come from nowhere to challenge for their first league title, shock their richer competitors and attract the attention of screenwriters. Richard Foster looks at the parallels between Leicester 2016 and Nottingham Forest 1978.
Ranieri’s team should be encouraged by Atlético’s latest outfoxing of snazzier opponents, writes Paul Doyle.
Even more Don Claudio: here he is watching videos from Leicester fans.
Should a team pay the penalty if only one player fails a drug test, muses James Riach. Well?
In this week’s Classic YouTube: junior ultras, 25 years of Soccer Saturday, the worst goals of the season and a dog on the pitch.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace.
