Enfin! Après des années et des années d'attente, donc, France 24, la chaine française d'information continue, verra le jour demain soir, à 20.29 heures précises heure de Paris or - for those of you whose grasp of the langue de Molière isn't altogether what it might be - 7.29pm London time. Actually, TV viewers will have to wait for the following evening to see Jacques Chirac's bold venture in Gallic evangelism on their screens; for the first 24 hours it will merely be streaming its live feed from its official website.
Thereafter, though, France 24 - a £60m public-private initiative that is the result both of a populist 2002 election pledge by Chirac and of widespread unhappiness in France about the extent of "Anglo-Saxon cultural hegemony" (or so we're told; it doesn't stop the French people I know eating McDonalds, watching Sex in the City and listening to My Chemical Romance) - should reach upwards of 80 million viewers in Europe, the Middle East, Africa and selected US cities, ie Washington DC and New York.
It will broadcast via satellite and cable on two channels, one entirely in French and the other mainly in English, plus some programmes in Arabic and Spanish later on (the precise proportion of French-language programming has yet to be revealed; there was outcry earlier this year when Le Canard Enchainé claimed it would only be three or four hours a day). And its opening words segment will apparently feature a short chat with le Président de la République himself, recorded on the Place de la Concorde.
Leaving aside the thorny question of whether the world really needs another 24-hour news channel, what can viewers of this exciting new televisual offering expect? France 24 promises to provide "a diversity of viewpoints, more debate, and an emphasis on culture and 'l'art de vivre', the art of living". It will certainly aim to present "a French vision" of current affairs and "spread the values of France and its global vision throughout the world": the prevailing Bush administration line on everything from Iraq to global warming may, I would imagine, come in for some gentle ribbing, as will Tony Blair's idea of what constitutes a functioning healthcare system.
But "an emphasis on culture"? The mind, frankly, boggles. Lovingly shot footage of Johnny Hallyday's memorable Stade de France concerts? Ninety minutes of Bernard-Henri Lévy on America's ills and the art of wearing a white shirt (undo half the buttons, evidemment)? Patrick Poivre-d'Arvor on the key essentials of the hard-hitting, go-get-'em political interview? Arthur with another entrancing all-singing, all-dancing four-hour Saturday evening variety show featuring the ever-popular Songs of the Seventies? Cheery re-runs of this year's wholly unbelievable, atrociously acted and utterly suspense-free TV drama?
No, a televisual window on France's take on world current events may well prove interesting, enlightening, at times - dare we say it? - even important. But before you get too carried away, please remember: French TV is, without question, among the worst in the known world. It is DREADFUL. De la merde (as they say) en boite. You have been warned.
