HERE COME ENGLAND AT ANOTHER WORLD CUP
Is it just The Fiver, or do people look younger these days? With their hairlines and their laughter and their optimism and their prospects and their intact morals and their ability to get to the point. People are getting younger and we’d better start getting used to it for when it happens to us too. Look at Mark Sampson, for instance. It’s happened to him. Sampson is about to lead England into their Women’s World Cup campaign – which begins against France exactly one hour after a certain newsletter lands [in theory – Fiver Ed], so let’s hope you’re rattling through this – at the disgustingly young age of 32. Presumably he was 55 once but here he is, 32 if a day, cajoling his troops along at a major tournament while some other 32-year-olds blunder along doing things like writing earnestly about a 32-year-old at a major football tournament.
Sampson says he was “born to do this job” and destiny will smack him in his fresh-ish young face on Tuesday in Moncton, a place The Fiver had never heard of either, but is almost as close to England as a Canadian city can possibly be. “The players keep reminding me about my bald patch and how much the stress is ageing me but being 32 is certainly not a problem,” he continued, and once we’ve put raw envy to one side we can’t help finding his presence rather welcome. Perhaps the greyness of the men’s draw with O’Ireland just shows everything else in a sickly-positive hue, but any kind of fresh approach in England’s football set-up is to be applauded and here, in a tournament that should be regarded as a bounty-laden parallel universe rather than something to be tiresomely compared with the men’s game, it comes in the form of a young boss who was managing surely-fictitious Welsh second-tier side Taff’s Well FC only five years ago.
Goals have been fairly easy to come by in this tournament although Sampson’s baptism of fire against France, who England have had no joy playing since time immemorial, should be an altogether tighter affair. His team will be worth watching and, whatever the outcome, seeing a British coach receive this kind of chance feels like taking a leap through the looking glass. Much rather this than watching Mr Roy explain away post-season drudgery at the Aviva, and much rather watching the development of a sport that continues to find its feet – with or without the occasional 10-goal drubbing – than poring over the endeavours of 16 young men who somehow manage, in a reversal of today’s trend, to seem very old indeed.
All of which only makes Sampson, along with everyone else, appear younger still. If he is a footballing Benjamin Button then soon enough we’ll see whether he came from Bobby Robson or Kevin Keegan, but at least he is an open book. The Fiver will be tuning in to watch later, while taking the selfies to prove it and listening to whatever kids listen to in preparation for our own shot at international glory in years to come. If everyone else is getting younger then there’ll be nothing at all embarrassing about making sure we’re ready to as well.
LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE TONIGHT
Join Nick Ames from 6pm BST for MBM coverage of England 0-2 France in the Women’s World Cup.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“They couldn’t believe what they were seeing. I did one [joke] on [Roberto] Di Matteo. I went back to the villa and there was a little snake. I went back to training in the afternoon and put the snake in his pocket. When we came back in after training I asked him if he had any money. He put his hand in his pocket and nearly sh@t himself … Once [Dino] Zoff said [Sepp] Blatter was coming. He wanted us on time in the Lazio suit. I turned up 30 minutes later in a Santa Claus outfit. I sat next to Blatter and said: ‘Hello, I’m Santa, ho, ho, ho.’ The security wanted to get rid of me and Zoff wasn’t happy and made me train morning and afternoon for a week” – just one of the tales told by Paul Gascoigne during an entertaining live webchat with Big Website earlier.
FIVER LETTERS
“On Sunday afternoon I was enjoying the sunshine while painting the side gate a particularly ‘interesting’ single shade of grey. My next-door neighbour, Pete, poked his head out and expressed his surprise that I wasn’t watching the O’Ireland v England bore-fest. ‘I didn’t even know it was on,’ I replied, cheerfully returning to my work. It was a good five minutes before I realised I was literally choosing to watch paint dry. I regret nothing” – Rob Coke.
“Re: that one $9 ticket sold at Phoenix’s FilmBar cinema for United Passions (yesterday’s Bits and Bobs). Phoenix hit 100 degrees Fahrenheit over the weekend and the cinema is air-conditioned, so perhaps the sole ticket purchaser was simply looking for a place to cool off for a few hours. Of course [Snip – Fiver Lawyers] may wind up in the cooler themselves” – Christopher Smith.
“I stumbled across you by accident. I think I was drawn to your name because it sounds a little like the mouse from An American Tail. Obscure (not that obscure) Spielberg references aside, I’m drawn by Barry Glendenning’s idea of loaning fans (yesterday’s Still Want More?). I’m an Arsenal fan and, whenever I visit my parents in Devon, I try to catch a Barnstaple Town FC match. We were there for the Toolstation First Division Championship celebrations. It genuinely does feel better spending money in their club shop than at the Armoury. Though they did laugh at me when I asked about replica shirts” – Alys Barber-Rogers.
• Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet the Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is: Alys Barber-Rogers.
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BITS AND BOBS
John Carver and Steve Stone have been sent to work on a zero-hours contract at local shop Do One, with Steve McClaren on his way in.
Having been linked with West Ham for the past 75 seasons, Slaven Bilic has finally realised the prophecy and taken over at Upton Park. “I remember West Ham as a special club. I love these kinds of special clubs,” he roared. “It’s not about the size – West Ham is a big club – there is something special about them. They are a cult club.”
Dani Alves is off to PSG, yeah? Dani Alves is off to Manchester United, right? No, Dani Alves is doing no such thing, he’s staying with the European champs.
Former Fifa vice-president Jack Warner has been accused of trousering US$750,000 in emergency funds donated by Fifa and the Korean FA intended for victims of the 2010 Haiti earthquake.
Whammy! Gary Lineker is the new anchor of BT Sport’s Big Cup coverage.
Juventus are one Sami Khedira to the good after snapping the defender up on a free transfer.
And Albanian authorities have issued an arrest warrant for Leyton Orient owner Francesco Becchetti, among others, over allegations of fraud-related offences and money laundering.
STILL WANT MORE?
With the capture of James Milner and Danny Ings, Andy Hunter reckons Brendan Rodgers is going the right away about rebuilding at Liverpool following last year’s ill-considered £117m splurge.
Barry Glendenning has the skinny on the summer’s striker merry-go-round. Rumour has it Jackson Martínez, Patrick Bamford, Gonzalo Higuaín and Robin van Persie are all aboard.
This week’s edition of The Gallery focuses on Fifa. Next up: send us your takes on Hugo Lloris.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace.
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‘YOU WANNA RUMBLE IN MY JUNGLE, I’LL TAKE YOU ON’
