You have to really like whisky to make the journey. It took a cross-country flight, then a tiny twin-prop plane across the Firth of Clyde, to get here. But it wasn’t just for a drink.
In fact, a bottle of my favourite tipple had made me a Scottish landowner. It seems hard to believe – especially for an Englishman who lives 600 miles away – but a piece of paper, that tumbled out of a bottle of Laphroaig, promised a plot of my own.
And so I was stomping through a field in Islay, a small island off the country’s west coast, to claim my patch of earth.
Many make the pilgrimage during Fèis Ìle – or the Islay Whisky Festival – held at the end of May. The ten-day event sees the island’s population triple to 9,000, as drinks aficionados visit the distilleries of Laphroaig, Bowmore, Lagavulin and Ardbeg for events and tastings.
But I beat the crowds by arriving during the quieter season in June.
Still, thousands come each year to claim their spot of land, plus their “ground rent” – a dram of Laphroaig.
And it’s simple to set up. Customers register as a “Friend of Laphroaig" for free on the website. After scanning the code, you get a lifetime lease on a square foot of land close to the distillery, and a certificate with a map and coordinates of your plot.
To truly claim it, though, you have to visit the distillery. Only one airline, Loganair, flies to Islay from Glasgow, typically twice a day. Or there is a ferry service from Kennacraig, which takes around two hours.
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The flight takes 20 minutes in a small ATR42 plane, fitting 48 passengers on tartan seats. Check-in staff recommend sitting by the window for a magical view of the island during landing.
Luckily, our journey was smooth – but I imagine this ride can be bumpy in more typically-Scottish weather.
There are, however, some challenges when you land. Don’t expect a queue of taxis waiting to pick you up, something that left a group of Canadian tourists perplexed. Instead, there is a list of cab firms to call.
Everything seems to be located around 10 to 20 minutes away, so it doesn’t take long to wait for a car (helped by the lack of traffic lights on the island) although you can be unlucky if a cruise ship is visiting.
It can work out as a whole day of travelling to get to Islay, so you will need somewhere to stay for the evening. The Bowmore distillery owns a collection of modern and homely cottages that sit on the picturesque bay of Loch Indaal, 20 minutes from the airport.
Staying the night gave us time to explore the area. Highlights included the Peatzeria – known for its smoky pizzas – and The Bowmore Hotel, which holds a collection of thousands of must-try rare whiskies (which we did).
This was enough to prepare our palate for Laphroaig.
Arriving at the Laphroaig distillery the next day, the first thing we spotted was the chalk white walls, standing tall on perfectly manicured green grass. It’s the building from the label; surreal to see in real life.
With my Friends of Laphroaig certificate in hand, I was led from the gift shop to a boot room full of immaculately clean wellies. There, I was given a flag to plant in my patch of mud.
Laphroaig’s taste is attributed to Islay’s rich peatlands and the smoking technique at the 210 year-old distillery. It reminds me of the muddy fields and camping trip barbecues of my youth.
George Campbell, distiller manager at Laphroaig, describes the whisky. “There is a shock factor when you first try it,” he says. “But there is so much to discover once you open that door.”
It’s true that the brand offers plenty of variety. Its bottles, or “expressions”, include the traditional 10-year-old and 30-year-old cask strength versions, alongside special editions.
There is also an experimental “Elements” range. The latest was created after the kiln was left burning for longer than usual, creating a more fiery, burnt caramel taste.
I was given my mini bottle of Laphroaig as ground rent before being sent off to a neighbouring field, with only the coordinates printed on a piece of paper as a guide.
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Campbell told me that the real loyalists know their plot number off by heart and one German man even came to spread his late dad’s ashes on his plot.
It took me back to my orienteering days in Scouts, but instead of a compass and a crumpled paper map, I had the blue dot of Google Maps.
The weather was kind as we stepped into the grass. I had imagined bog-like conditions and the mud under my boots, but there were only a few drops of rain and a gentle gust of wind blowing in the long grass.
That was enough to reveal a selection of previously planted flags, showing the many fans who have walked the land before me.
I followed the blue dot on my smartphone around other white flags until I reached my spot, just a few metres from the roadside.
It’s a perfect location, with wonderful views of Islay’s scenic fields. I planted my flag among the bramble leaves and sipped my whisky, content with my little plot.
How to do it
Return flights with British Airways to Glasgow from London cost between £35 and £100 depending on the time of year. Find out more on the BA website.
Return flights from Glasgow to Islay cost around £170 with Loganair.
Stay in one of the Bowmore’s traditional cottages. Rooms start at £550 for a three-night stay; find out more here.
It is free for Friends of Laphroaig to visit their plot of land. Distillery tours start from £20 per person – book here.
Marc was a guest of Suntory Global Spirits, which owns Laphroaig.
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