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The Guardian - UK
The Guardian - UK
Sport
Paul Doyle

A blessing in disguise, albeit a very convincing and cruel disguise

England's Josanne Potter, left, consoles Laura Bassett after their cruel World Cup exit.
Gah! Photograph: Jason Franson/AP

A WELCOME BLOW TO A LOT OF AWFUL PEOPLE

You know something’s up when even the Daily Mail celebrates women in shorts for showing their skill rather than FLAUNTING their legs. Hackers are at large. Either that, or even the most mean-spirited of Englanders are realising that being good at football means having deft feet, strong bodies, clever minds and big hearts. No langers required. That’s quite a liberating discovery for an awful lot of people, and a welcome blow to a lot of awful people.

Not that England’s women reached the World Cup final last night. They lost to Japan. And a good thing they did, to be frank, because victory would have been undeserved. Not for the valiant players, but for the new followers of the women’s game in England. Glory would have been too easy for them. Just as a couple of trips to the gym aren’t enough to turn around years of slacking and quaffing Suddy Delight by the jerrycan, it takes much more than tuning into a couple of matches to watch England roar to global triumph. It takes several decades of watching – and hoping, wailing and swearing - and even that’s no guarantee. But it’s a step that can’t be skipped.

So Laura Bassett’s stoppage-time own goal last night was a blessing in disguise, albeit a very convincing disguise, being that it couldn’t have looked crueller if it had been wearing a studded leather balaclava and a bloodthirsty leer. If England had prevailed last night and gone on to beat the USA! USA!! USA!!! in the final, then we all could have tuned back out, satisfied that it could never get better than this. Instead the Lionesses’ painful exit after a heartening campaign leaves us with the tantalising knowledge that English women have the potential to have even more fun, provide even more entertainment, and elevate the whole country even higher – if they start getting as much support as they deserve. This interest in women’s football must not be a summer fling, it needs to be maintained even when .... oooh, look, MANCHESTER UNITED HAVE A NEW AWAY KIT FOR NEXT SEASON!!!

QUOTE OF THE DAY

Ryan Babel
Va va voom! Photograph: Thomas Eisenhut/EPA

Marco van Basten, June 2006: “Ryan Babel has all the potential to become the next Thierry Henry.”

Ryan Babel, July 2015: “I am very happy to move to Al Ain” – ah.

FIVER LETTERS

“Has the Fiver finally found a winning formula? Having failed to Stop Football and surely doomed to fail in its Stop Tennis campaign, is the Fiver succeeding with Stop Letters?” – Stephen Hodgson (and 1,056 other readers who could have at least written something original to help us fill some more space).

“Fiver, cover your mouth and nostrils and high-tail it the heck out of there (yesterday’s Last Line). I caught pneumonia from an air-con system in an office (July 4th, 2006), and it turns out the bug responsible was Legionella. The blasted air-con systems sit there un-used for most of the year, growing bugs, and then as soon as the hot weather hits they get turned on and all the bugs get blown through. Save yourself, and open a window. Flush your system with some form of antiseptic (suggestion: alcohol). What’s that? Football you say? Erm. No idea” – Steve Hibbert (and no other scare-mongers).

“Did the Fiver know about Laura Bassett’s hand in the England women’s team mass eviction (yesterday’s Quote of the Day)? Please do not swear” – Gareth Collins.

Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet the Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is: Stephen Hodgson, if only to prove him wrong.

JOIN GUARDIAN SOULMATES

Chances are that if you’re reading this tea-timely football email, you’re almost certainly single. But fear not – if you’d like to find companionship or love, sign up here to view profiles of the kind of erudite, sociable and friendly folk who would never normally dream of going out with you. And don’t forget, it’s not the rejection that kills you, it’s the hope.

BITS AND BOBS

There will be no Blind leading the Blind headlines coming your way any time soon after Danny revealed that he would rather watch back-to-back episodes of Don’t Tell the Bride than join Louis van Gaal’s coterie at Manchester United.

Any chance of Javier Hernández being unchained and set free from Manchester United took a nose dive after he suffered collarbone-snap while on Mexico duty.

The US has asked Switzerland to extradite seven Fifa officials arrested on corruption charges in dawn raids in May, according to Swiss authorities.

If you are in Milan today and you are wondering why the people are dancing in the streets, it’s got nothing to do with it being the 144th anniversary of Victor Emmanuel II entering Rome having wrestled control of the city over from the Papal States and all to do with the fact that Carlos Bacca is to join the Rossoneri.

And if you are in Southampton and you are wondering why the people are dancing in the streets, once more it’s got nothing to do with it being the 144th anniversary of Victor Emmanuel II entering Rome having wrestled control of the city over from the Papal States and all to do with the fact that the club are chinwagging with Toby Alderweireld about a permanent move.

STILL WANT MORE?

Danny Dyer
Pwoper nawty. Photograph: Linda Lusardi/Rex Features

‘Men of [Mr Roy] … that … is how you wear the England shirt #treacleworldcup.’ Banter’s Danny Dyer simultaneously praises England’s Lionesses and puts the boot into the Lions at last year’s #geezersworldcup – how the internet reacted to England’s World Cup semi-final defeat to Japan.

The absence of England’s Women’s World Cup heroes from next year’s Big Sports Day is scandalous and the blame lies at the doors of grey men in grey suits. Owen Gibson takes a dim view of the home nations’ FAs and their petty politicking.

USA! USA!! USA!!! supporters have embraced the Women’s World Cup in neighbouring Canada like no other, reports Caitlin Murray.

The Rumour Mill has had its hard drives reset, its servers rebooted and churned out Thomas Müller, a package worth £120m and Louis van Gaal’s emotional gestures. Read on here.

John Ashdown’s love affair with strong Czech lager is over, but not before he presents his awards from the European Under-21 Championship.

Dani Osvaldo was Southampton’s record signing but little more than a costly vanity project, writes Paul Doyle.

Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace.

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SUNDAY NIGHT. JUST YOU WAIT

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