A Florida man called into “The Ramsey Show” recently with a dilemma: his adult daughter, who eloped two years ago, now wants him to help pay for a lavish destination wedding in Spain. The catch? She's already married, and their relationship has long been strained.
A Surprise Wedding Request
Mike, calling from Tampa, told personal finance experts Dave Ramsey and Rachel Cruze that he and his wife have been debt-free for five years and follow Ramsey's financial teachings. They were blindsided when Mike's daughter texted to announce a destination wedding in Spain this summer.
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“They will have been married over two years by the time this event takes place,” Mike said. “We don’t feel obligated to support that.”
Mike explained that his daughter had previously eloped to Hawaii and waited a month before telling him. Despite the surprise, he and his wife immediately flew out to visit the newlyweds, treated them to dinner, and celebrated their marriage. “We felt like that was the right thing to do,” he said.
Estranged Relationship Adds Tension
Mike shared that he has been divorced from his daughter's mother for 20 years and isn't close with any of his daughters. “I’m frankly not close with any of my daughters,” he said, attributing it to the fallout from the divorce. He said his daughter recently “unloaded” years of resentment during a phone call.
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Ramsey said the wedding request felt less like entitlement and more like manipulation. “It’s a guilt trip,” Ramsey said.
Mike believes part of the issue is his daughter grew up with unrealistic financial expectations. “She feels like she comes from money,” he said. Ramsey responded bluntly: “She had to go find that source because you’re apparently not it.”
Holding The Line
Mike and his wife discussed the request and decided to attend the event but not contribute financially. “We had put in our budget for all the travel and all to go, but we just couldn’t afford to also contribute. I’m not going to pay for it,” he said.
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Ramsey warned Mike to expect emotional backlash. “There’s not any version of ‘no’ she’s going to be okay with,” she said. “When you set boundaries with a boundaryless person, they seldom react positively.”
In the end, the hosts assured Mike he was not wrong for saying no. But they cautioned that his daughter might “turn into the victim” and claim, “You’ve never been there for me and you’re not there for me now.”
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