IT’S ON
Now, with the greatest of respect to every other game in this tournament so far, this is a game. A proper game. A game between the hosts and the world champions, who’ve won a third of the past European Championships between them. A game between those who have cheese for breakfast and those who have cheese for afters. It’s all here. Pogba v Kroos. Hollande v Merkel. Jules et Jim v Das Boot. Filet mignon v schnitzel. 99 Luftballons v We’ve Got a Feeling by Chris Waddle and Basile Boli. Yes indeed, it’s as big as all of those tussles. A game between two behemoths of world football, both of whom have their problems and both of whom have their … well, whatever the equivalent of non-problems is. It’s France v Germany, people. Yowch.
And yet probably what’s most interesting about this game is it’s between two sides of such fragility. These are two of the finest teams in the world, who have left more talent from their squads than final opponents Portugal could name in their 23, but neither of whom seem especially certain about who’ll be in their team, or how they’ll play. Maybe this is a consequence of international football ceding the top spot to the club game in recent years: in ages past national teams were everything players aspired to, for reasons of quality as well as honour, but now the balance of power is the other way around. No wonder even the best teams aren’t really sure who they are any more.
These are two teams that are brilliant, striding outfits who put the fear of God into most other opponents, while simultaneously going through minor existential crises. It’s a bit like watching Tony Soprano clip someone while on the phone to Dr Melfi at the same time, explaining his anxieties and fears as he buries a magazine full of bullets into some unfortunate rival capo. Both teams have questions about their formation. Both could leave out some pretty big dog players. Both have stars in questionable form.
Thomas Müller is Germany’s big man in some bother, but it looks like he’s been taking his mind off things by reading some toilet book philosophy. “Goals are not the fuel in my tank, they are the paint on the car to make it look better,” he mused, possibly while airily smoking a Gitanes. “My fuel is my hunger for success.” Muller is a slightly curious case, because while most would definitely peg him as a big-game player, he is yet to score a single goal at the European Championships. Muller has 10 goals in 13 World Cup games, but in 11 Euro appearances, not a sausage, and Germany could really do with some sausages at the moment. “Yes, a goal would make me calmer,” he tartly replied when asked about this. “I wouldn’t have to listen to your questions, for a start.”
Still, Müller probably isn’t the most troubled man in France. Michel Platini was supposed to be there on Thursday night, chaired off the field as the new king of world football and hero of the masses, but then he went and spoiled it all by doing something stupid like, well, let’s just say getting himself tangled in some widespread fiscal naughtiness. The hero the last time France won the European Championship on home turf will instead be at home near Marseille, possibly not watching the game, even on television. It’s quite a bleak image, a man slumped in an armchair, stained vest on, empty pizza boxes around his feet and watching his free-kick in the 1984 final on a never-ending loop. But then you remember with whom he was in cahoots and suddenly you don’t have quite as much sympathy. Platini watching on or no, this is a game that should verily throb with excitement and importance. Sit down, watch, and don’t move a muscle.
LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE
Join Gregg Bakowski from 6pm BST for hot MBM coverage of Germany 1-1 France (aet; 6-5 on pens).
RECOMMENDED VIEWING
A classic rivalry renewed: our Germany v France preview.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“Now we have to get ready for Sunday and we want to make this dream come true. I believe that we’ll win. With a lot of work, humility and the spirit of self-sacrifice, which I have always shown in my career, these sorts of things are doable” – He drops some zingers after a 2-0 win over Wales secured Portugal’s place in the Euro 2016 final.
FIVER LETTERS
“Re: Aaron Chawla’s Status Quo/England football analogy (yesterday’s Fiver letters). The critical ‘acclaim’ of The Quo’s attempted late-80s resurgence pretty much reflects the entire last 40 years of the life of any England football fan. I distinctly remember the NME’s review of their 1988 comeback album Ain’t Complaining being just three succinct words long: ‘Well I am,’ it read” – Adrian Bradshaw.
“I must give a staunch defence of extra-time (Fiver letters passim). No doubt you will all remember the 2000 Division Two play-off final, in which the mighty Gills went 2-1 down in the 99th-minute to Wigan, only to then go on and score in the 114th and 118th minutes to earn promotion to Division One. On the other hand, only the year before we played out a terrible goalless extra-time, and the less we say about that match the better” – Chris Benjamin.
“Who is going to be the first to shamelessly riff on a reader’s email that shamelessly riffs on The Fiver’s prediction that Palace will shamelessly riff on that clapping business (which Iceland shamelessly riffed on from elsewhere)? 1,057 pedants. It’s going to be 1,057 pedants, isn’t it?” – Paul Billington (and 1,056 others).
• Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Adrian Bradshaw.
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RECOMMENDED LISTENING
Join AC Jimbo and co for the latest thrilling instalment of Euro 2016 Football Daily.
BITS AND BOBS
Arsenal’s Aaron Ramsey fears he won’t be match fit in time for the new season after his exertions in getting suspended for the biggest game in Welsh football history by booting the ball away in injury-time against Norn Iron 1-0. “I feel I need a few weeks off now,” he parped.
First, though, will come Wales’s homecoming parade in Cardiff on Friday afternoon, when the Manics are due to play after the team’s open-top bus parade. “We’re disappointed but we’ll pick ourselves up,” cheered Gareth Bale. “We’re a proud bunch and we’ll stick together, lift the spirits and go again.”
We now live in a world where Bournemouth have had a £15m offer for Jordon Ibe accepted.
Paul Pogba’s Mr 15% is working overtime in a bid to trouser another payday with a move out of Juventus to Manchester United or Real Madrid.
Nasty Leeds have signed Kemar Roofe for £3m from Oxford United, although left-back Charlie Taylor looks to be heading off to Burnley or Middlesbrough.
And you’ll be glad to know that the first set of Premier League fixture changes for TV have, as ever, put the fans first, with Southampton getting to play at Manchester United in an 8pm Friday night game on 19 August. Oh.
STILL WANT MORE?
The defence calls Steven Watt … assistant manager at Hastings but formerly a Chelsea youngster who tells Nick Miller he was given a chance under José Mourinho.
France have come a considerable way since they were humbled by South Africa six years ago amid tales of farcical infighting. Amy Lawrence explains how.
Louis van Gaal may have got a few things wrong in recent years but he was right about one thing, “Thomas Müller always plays”. Alan Smith reports on why Der Raumdeuter will come good against France.
Of course He did, writes Barney Ronay.
Wales caught a bit of England-itis against Portugal, writes Paul Wilson, urging them to find a cure.
“There’s a reason why the world’s best chess players come from Armenia like Mkhitaryan. They’re thinkers, they’re hard workers, they graft.” Just one of the zingers in Lawrence Ostlere’s profile of Manchester United’s latest signing.
Super yachts and tax fraud prison sentences make for a bumper Rumour Mill.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. AND INSTACHAT TOO!
