Estate planning is supposed to make things easier for your loved ones. But sometimes, the words you use can cause more problems than they solve. Many people try to be polite or vague in their wills and trusts, thinking it will keep the peace. In reality, unclear language can lead to confusion, family fights, and even expensive court battles. Judges don’t care about good intentions—they care about what the documents actually say. If you want your wishes to be honored, you need to be direct. Here are eight “polite” estate planning phrases that often backfire in court, and what you should say instead.
1. “I hope my family will work things out”
This phrase sounds nice, but it’s a recipe for disaster. Courts can’t enforce hope. If you leave decisions up to your family, you’re inviting arguments. Siblings may disagree about what “working things out” means. One person might want to sell the house, another might want to keep it. Without clear instructions, the court has to step in. This can drag out the process and cost everyone time and money. Instead, be specific about what you want to happen with your assets.
2. “I leave my belongings to my children as they see fit”
This phrase is too vague. What does “as they see fit” mean? Does it mean they have to agree on everything? Can one child take what they want? Courts need clear directions. If your children can’t agree, the court may have to decide for them. This can lead to resentment and legal fees. Instead, list out who gets what, or name a person to make those decisions.
3. “I trust my spouse to do the right thing”
Trust is important, but it’s not a legal plan. If you say this in your will, you’re not giving your spouse any real guidance. What if your spouse remarries? What if they have a falling out with your children? The court can’t enforce “doing the right thing.” This phrase can also lead to will contests if other family members feel left out. Spell out your wishes clearly, even if you trust your spouse completely.
4. “I want everyone to be treated fairly”
Fairness means different things to different people. One child might think fairness means splitting everything equally. Another might think it means taking into account who cared for you in your final years. Courts can’t guess what you meant by “fair.” This phrase often leads to fights and lawsuits. If you want things split equally, say so. If you want to reward someone for helping you, say that too.
5. “My executor can use their judgment”
Executors have a tough job. Giving them too much freedom can put them in a difficult spot. Other heirs might accuse them of favoritism or mismanagement. Courts prefer clear instructions. If you want your executor to have flexibility, set limits. For example, you can say, “My executor may sell my house if it benefits the estate.” This gives them guidance without leaving everything up in the air.
6. “I leave my jewelry to my grandchildren”
This sounds simple, but it’s not. Which jewelry? Which grandchildren? If you have more than one grandchild, fights can break out over who gets what. Courts need specifics. List out the items and who should get each one. If you want your grandchildren to decide among themselves, say how that should happen. For example, “My grandchildren may choose items in order of age, starting with the oldest.”
7. “I want my pets to go to someone who loves them”
Pets are family, but the law treats them as property. Saying you want your pets to go to “someone who loves them” is too vague. The court can’t measure love. If you don’t name a person, your pets could end up in a shelter. Name a specific person to care for your pets, and consider leaving money for their care.
8. “I leave my estate to my heirs”
“Heirs” is a legal term, but it doesn’t always mean what you think. Your heirs might not be the people you want to inherit from. For example, if you’re estranged from a child, they’re still your legal heir unless you say otherwise. If you want to leave someone out, you have to say so directly. If you want to include friends or charities, name them.
Clear Words, Fewer Problems
Estate planning is about making your wishes known. Polite or vague phrases can cause confusion and lead to court battles. The best way to avoid problems is to be clear and direct. Spell out who gets what, name your executor, and give specific instructions. It might feel uncomfortable to be blunt, but it saves your loved ones from stress and arguments later. When in doubt, ask a lawyer to review your documents for clarity.
Have you seen polite estate planning phrases cause problems in your family or with friends? Share your story in the comments.
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