If you are genuinely confident and secure about who you are as a person, you don’t need all that boasting and bravado. On the flip side, someone who has serious self-esteem issues is going to look for ways to prove how tough and capable they are, which can lead to some really toxic behavior.
‘SecureBros’ is a witty Instagram account that shares ironic memes, which parody what it’s like to be a (fake) alpha male. Check out some of their funniest pics below.
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In a nutshell, insecurity is feeling unsafe or uncertain of yourself when you interact with the world and people around you. To put it simply, if you’re insecure, you react from a place of fear, not confidence.
“It often stems from unresolved trauma or unmet needs, leading to an internal state of hyper-vigilance where we seek external validation, over-analyze our actions, and doubt our worth or abilities,” licensed professional counselor and certified trauma model therapist Janice Holland explained to Verywell Mind.
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Your insecurities can have a negative impact on your quality of life. For instance, they can undermine your relationships and your performance at work.
NYC-based neuropsychologist Sanam Hafeez, PsyD, told Verywell Mind that insecurities can lead to emotional distancing and a reluctance to be vulnerable with others, or through a compulsive desire to prove oneself.
“Hidden insecurities often lead to a reluctance to communicate feelings or needs openly and can create a cycle of distance and misunderstandings.”
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As per Verywell Mind, some of the most subtle signs of insecurity include the following:
- Over-apologizing
- Having difficulty accepting compliments
- Constant need for validation
- Social withdrawal
- Avoiding challenges
- Overcompensation
- Perfectionism
- Jealousy and comparison
- People Pleasing
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When you apologize too much, it might mean that you don’t see your inherent worth, and that you’re either scared of making mistakes or being a burden to someone.
Meanwhile, if you get a compliment, the simplest thing to say is ‘thank you.’ If you find yourself needing to say something self-deprecating on top, it might indicate that you’re insecure because you have trouble accepting yourself as you are.
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Perfectionism is another important but subtle sign that you might be insecure. According to counselor Holland, perfectionism “often hides a deep sense of inadequacy.”
“People who struggle with perfectionism are usually afraid of criticism or failure, rejection, and they believe their value is tied to flawless performance, not in their inherent worth,” she explains.
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Of course, you won’t be able to solve all of your insecurities and shift your worldview overnight. It takes a lot of time, effort, and attention to change in a meaningful way. Sometimes, with the help of a therapist.
A few things that you can do to begin tackling your insecurities include:
- Prioritizing your self-awareness, where you observe your thoughts and behavior without judging yourself
- Practicing gratitude daily
- Limiting negative self-talk and practicing self-compassion
- Limiting your tendency to compare yourself with others
- Surrounding yourself with supportive people
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Meanwhile, WebMD stresses that for longer-lasting feelings of insecurity, you should consider seeking a professional therapist for help sorting out your emotions. They’ll be able to help you develop strategies to empower you in your daily life.
Even though you shouldn’t be overly naive and trusting in life, you also shouldn’t be paranoid about being rejected and disliked by others. There’s a balance to be found.
“Ask yourself if you have any reason to distrust expressions of affection or liking from others. People with insecurities sometimes express doubt and perceive rejection in everything from partner relationships to new acquaintances. These expressions can be self-fulfilling. Practice taking displays of interest at face value, something that can be easier in more casual relationships. You can build up the confidence to accept deeper affection and intimacy.”
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In the meantime, you should focus on building meaningful, positive social connections with your friends, family, and colleagues.
“There’s an inverse correlation between healthy social networks and insecure attachment styles. Having a wide circle of friends and many close connections allows you to develop the tools and confidence to engage in deeper adult relationships,” WebMD explains.
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The United States-based ‘SecureBros’ account, which jokingly states that it is for “alphas only,” has been up and running for over a decade. It was created back in May 2016. Currently, the project has 20.8k followers. We’ve reached out to the curator for comment, and we’ll update the post as soon as we hear back from them.
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Do you have any people in your social circle who have serious self-esteem issues? What about fake ‘alpha’ bros? Where do you think their insecurity stems from?
From your perspective, what does real masculinity look like? If you feel like sharing your perspective, you can join the conversation in the comments section at the very bottom of this list.
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