Communication is everything. In your career, relationships, and friendships, the words you choose can shape how others perceive you. As a woman, you might have been socialized to be polite and agreeable. Unfortunately, some of the words we use to achieve this can backfire. Specifically, they can strip our statements of power and make us sound needy or insecure. Removing these words from your vocabulary is a powerful step toward communicating with more confidence and authority.
“Sorry” (When You’ve Done Nothing Wrong)
Women often use “sorry” as a conversational filler or a way to soften a request. For example, you might say, “Sorry, do you have a minute?” You are apologizing for simply taking up space. This reflex can diminish your presence and signal that you feel like an imposition. Consequently, overusing it makes you sound unnecessarily apologetic.
Instead, swap “sorry” for “excuse me” or just state your request directly. For instance, try “Excuse me, do you have a minute?” This is both polite and assertive. You should save your apologies for when you have actually made a mistake. As a result, your words will carry more weight when you do.
“Just” (As in, “I was just checking in…”)
The word “just” is a minimizer. It’s a verbal tick that downplays the importance of what you’re about to say. For example, “I just wanted to add one thing.” This subtly suggests that your contribution is minor or that your follow-up is not truly important. As a result, this can make you sound hesitant and unsure of yourself.
You should eliminate “just” from your sentences and see how much stronger they become. Instead of “I just wanted to say…,” try “I want to say…” Similarly, instead of “I’m just checking in,” say “I’m checking in.” The message is the same, but the delivery is much more confident and direct. You are not “just” anything; you are contributing.
“Fine” (The Ultimate Passive-Aggressive Word)
When used to describe your feelings, the word “fine” is rarely a positive. Often, it’s a verbal shutdown. When someone asks what’s wrong and you reply with “I’m fine,” you are communicating displeasure without opening the door for a real conversation. This can come across as passive aggressive. In a relational context, it can also sound needy because it demands the other person read your mind.
If something is wrong, try to express it more directly. For example, you could say, “I’m a bit upset about what happened earlier. Can we talk about it?” Honest communication is far more effective than a dismissive “fine.” Ultimately, it leads to resolution instead of resentment.
“Does that make sense?” (The Confidence Killer)
After explaining an idea, many women seek validation by asking, “Does that make sense?” While it may seem like a polite way to check for understanding, it can also signal a lack of confidence in your own ability to communicate clearly. In essence, you are asking for approval of your explanation. This can undermine your authority and make you sound insecure.
Instead, assume you have made sense. If you want to check for understanding, put the focus on the listener’s perspective. For instance, try asking, “What are your thoughts on this?” or “Do you have any questions?” This invites collaboration rather than seeking validation for your own clarity.
Communicate with Confidence, Not Apology
Choosing your words carefully is not about being overly critical of yourself. Rather, it’s about recognizing the subtle ways language can either empower you or hold you back. By ditching these filler words and passive phrases, you don’t change who you are. Instead, you simply allow your natural confidence and competence to shine through more clearly. Stop apologizing for your presence and start communicating with the authority you already possess. You’ll sound needy no more.
What other words do you think can make someone sound less confident? Share your thoughts below!
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