Breaking up is a painful process, and the journey to healing is rarely a straight line. You might believe you’ve successfully moved on, only to find yourself unexpectedly knocked off balance by a memory, a song, or a social media post. It’s common to think you’re finished with the process of getting over your ex when, in reality, you’re still emotionally tethered to the past. Recognizing these lingering attachments is not a sign of failure, but a necessary step toward true emotional freedom and genuine healing.
1. You Frequently Check Their Social Media
One of the most telling signs you’re not over someone is the compulsive need to monitor their digital life. If you find yourself frequently scrolling through their Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter feeds, you’re actively keeping them in your mental space. This “cyberstalking” is a way of maintaining a connection, however superficial, and it prevents you from fully disengaging. Truly moving on means their daily activities no longer hold a significant interest for you. It’s a hard habit to break, but essential for getting over your ex.
2. You Compare New Dates to Your Ex
When you start dating again, it’s natural to draw some comparisons, but it becomes a problem when your ex is the constant benchmark. If every new person is measured against your ex’s qualities—both good and bad—it’s a clear sign you haven’t made emotional space for someone new. This constant comparison isn’t fair to the new person and keeps you trapped in the dynamics of your old relationship. Letting go means evaluating new partners on their own merits, not as replacements or upgrades.
3. You Idealize the Relationship
The passage of time can sometimes cast a golden glow over the past, making you remember the good times while conveniently forgetting the bad. If you find yourself romanticizing the relationship and minimizing the reasons it ended, you’re likely not seeing things clearly. This idealization is a form of denial that keeps you attached to a fantasy version of what you had. A key part of getting over your ex involves accepting the relationship for what it truly was, flaws and all.
4. You Talk About Them Constantly
Bringing up your ex in conversation from time to time is normal, especially soon after a breakup. However, if they still dominate your conversations with friends and family months or even years later, it’s a red flag. This indicates that they are still occupying a significant portion of your thoughts. Whether you’re speaking of them fondly or angrily, the high frequency of an “ex-mention” shows they remain a central character in your life’s narrative. Healing requires shifting the focus back to yourself.
5. You Hold on to Anger and Resentment
Holding a grudge is like letting someone live in your head rent-free. If you are still consumed by anger, bitterness, or a desire for revenge, you are still deeply emotionally engaged with your ex. These strong negative emotions create a powerful bond that can be just as hard to break as a positive one. True indifference, not hatred, is the opposite of love. The process of getting over your ex is incomplete until you can let go of the resentment that ties you to them.
6. You Replay “What If” Scenarios
Do you find yourself frequently lost in thought, replaying arguments or wondering what you could have done differently to save the relationship? This cycle of “what ifs” and “if onlys” is a clear indication that you haven’t accepted the finality of the breakup. While reflection is a part of healing, obsessively ruminating on the past keeps you stuck there. Moving forward requires you to accept that what happened, happened, and to focus your energy on the present and future.
7. You Keep Their Things or Stay in Contact
Holding onto your ex’s old sweatshirt, photos, or other mementos can be a way of clinging to the connection. Similarly, maintaining frequent, unnecessary contact under the guise of “just being friends” can be a roadblock to healing. While friendship after a breakup is possible for some, it often requires a significant period of no contact first. If the thought of deleting their number or getting rid of their things fills you with panic, it shows you’re not ready to let go and are still struggling with getting over your ex.
Finding Your Path to Genuine Closure
Realizing you’re not as over your ex as you thought can be disheartening, but it’s also an opportunity for deeper healing. These signs are not indictments but guideposts, showing you where you still need to focus your emotional energy. True closure comes from consciously redirecting your attention, accepting the past, and actively building a new life that is centered on your own happiness and growth. It’s a process that demands patience and self-compassion.
What has been the most helpful thing for you in the process of getting over a past relationship? Share your advice in the comments.
Read more:
5 Relationship Tests That Are Guaranteed To Make Him Walk Away
10 Ways You’re Subconsciously Sabotaging Every Relationship
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